Cups, Christians, and Christmas

I don’t go to Starbucks…not very often anyway. It has nothing to do with my religious beliefs or whether or not the company has taken a stand on issues that I agree or disagree with. I just plain don’t like coffee or coffee flavored things. Yes, they make some amazing hot chocolate, but it’s been 90 degrees here in Florida and that doesn’t exactly make me want to run across town for a piping hot beverage. They also have tasty frozen drinks, but if I want a milkshake, I’ll go to Steak and Shake. Since my trips to Starbucks are so infrequent and the most I see of their disposable cups is from the newsfeeds of my friends who enjoy their drinks and post pictures of them, I was unaware that, as a conservative Christian, I was offended by an undecorated red cup until social media informed me. I was also unaware that said undecorated cup was any different from last year’s cups which I also didn’t see. For that matter, I didn’t even know that Starbucks had special seasonal cups to go with their seasonal flavors which I have never tasted but have heard much about. I feel like my head has been buried in the sand on coffee related things that seem to be of the utmost importance based on how much I’ve seen in my newsfeed this week. I think the only time I’ve seen so much chatter about Starbucks in two days on social media is every year when the “fall flavors” are out. Apparently this pumpkin spiced latte is a popular seller. The funny thing about the red cup issue is that even though everyone is saying how conservative Christians are offended by them removing Christmas from their cups (which from what I’ve heard never actually had any graphics or words with a Christian Christmas message to begin with), not a single one of my conservative Christian friends have posted that they’re offended. They think it’s as ridiculous as I do, and unlike me, the ones who enjoy coffee are still going to Starbucks and buying their drinks even if they’re poured into the undecorated red cups. What??? No boycott like the media has led everyone to believe? Of my hundreds of Christian friends, not a single one has posted that they’re offended by a cup. Imagine that.  I’ve seen plenty of posts from my non-religious friends bashing petty Christians who get offended by cups, but I have to wonder how many of them actually know any Christians who are offended by a cup. Whoever it was that started this offended by an undecorated cup thing, I wish they’d find better things to worry about and keep their mouth shut about stupidity like this. As a Christian, I don’t want to be associated with people who get easily offended by cups. I want people to know me by how I treat people, by showing them God’s love. John 13:35 says, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” It doesn’t say that all will know we are His disciples if we take a stand against undecorated cups or whatever petty thing Christians are being accused of being offended by this week. We should be known for our love for one another.

Christmas has nothing to do with cups, snowflakes, ornaments or presents anyway. Many might associate those with Christmas since Christmas has been commercialized to the point where it’s no longer recognizable for what it original was – and what it should be. It’s about what took place a little over 2000 years ago in a stable in Bethlehem. The Son of God took on the form of a human and became a baby, born into the most humble of circumstances. There were no gifts, no royal dignitaries present for the birth, no stockings over the mantle, and certainly no Santa Claus. The only visitors to see the new baby were a group of shepherds who had been told by the angels about His birth. People have been claiming that the undecorated cup is part of a “war on Christmas”…or at least that Christians say that it is (and again I wonder where they’re finding these Christians that make such statements). While many things might be considered a “war on Christmas”, I don’t believe a cup is one of them. The first thing that I would consider to be a war on Christmas took place when Jesus was around the age of 2. Wise men (of an unmentioned number) from the East read the prophecies and followed a star to Bethlehem to find the baby who, according to the prophecies, would be the King of the Jews. Since he had the title of King, they started out at the palace. King Herod knew nothing of Jesus or His birth, but didn’t want someone else with claim to his throne. The wise men went on to find Jesus, and Herod got his advisors to find out where to find Him so that he could kill Him. Jesus and His family escaped, and the wise men went home rather than reporting back to Herod where exactly Jesus was. Matthew 2:16 says, “Then Herod, when he saw that he was deceived by the wise men, was exceedingly angry; and he sent forth and put to death all the male children who were in Bethlehem and in all its districts, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had determined from the wise men.” Since Jesus is the reason for Christmas, it could be said that Herod tried to wage war on Christmas. He may not have killed Jesus, but many baby boys were killed. He makes the Grinch and all the other “Christmas story bad guys” (included Starbucks as some are said to think I suppose) seem like Santa’s elves in comparison…and unlike the Grinch, Santa, and the elves, Herod was real and really did have all the baby boys killed in an effort to eliminate what he perceived as a threat to his throne. That’s a war on Christmas. A red cup is not. The commercialism of Christmas and the political correctness that make it nearly taboo to even say “Merry Christmas” aren’t either in my opinion. They’re just distractions. Yes, some of them are fun like the gift giving (notice, I said giving, not receiving), but they aren’t what it’s really about. Christmas is about Jesus coming to earth and bringing salvation, hope, joy, sacrificial love and so much more. We give each other gifts at Christmas and the wise men brought Jesus gifts, but those are no comparison to the gifts that Jesus gives us if we are willing to accept Him. Romans 3:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Ephesians 2:8 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,” Wow. Can any other gift really compare to the gift of salvation and eternal life? Jesus sacrificed His own life so that he could give that gift to anyone who would accept it. That was the whole reason He came to earth as a baby so many years ago. That’s what Christmas is all about. Let’s show the world that we are His followers, not by denouncing a coffee company and its cups, but by showing His love to those around us.

Heroes Haven 2015

The past couple weeks have been busy for our family. Justin was able to schedule a trip to Walter Reed around our trip to the Eastern Shore for the Heroes Haven hunting trip. His sockets hadn’t been fitting properly and the local civilian prosthetist just isn’t as fast as the people at Walter Reed. So, I dropped him off at the airport and he flew up to Maryland to get some leg work done. While he was there, he was able to tie some fishing flies with our Project Healing Waters friends. He had hoped to go fishing with them, but the trip was cancelled due to a water main break on the road in front of the hospital complex. He left our house wearing one set of legs and with another set in his suitcase. He came home with 3 ½ sets (the ½ is just the feet with no sockets – the sockets can be taken from one set and put on those when needed) and another set is being mailed down because they weren’t ready when he left. He now has more legs than an octopus. One of his new sets of legs puts him back at 6’4” (his pre-injury height). This is the first time he’s been that tall since he was injured. Now he can pick his legs based on how long the pants are that he wants to wear. He has a pair that was a little long with his other legs, so they should work perfectly with his new legs. With his new legs, sleeves, and liners in his possession, he was ready to go on to the next part of the trip.

Last week on Tuesday, Justin got a ride out to Sharptown, MD and Corey and I packed up our truck to start our trip to meet him there. Thankfully, Corey and I had great weather for the drive and traffic moved at a steady pace the whole way (and considering some of the sections we traveled, that’s just about a miracle). On Wednesday, we were able to meet up with one of my Army wife friends that I met in Germany. We’ve kept in touch and chat often, but it’s been a couple years since we’d seen each other. When I told her we would be heading to Maryland and would pass by where she lives on the way, we made plans to meet up. I wish we could have hung out longer, but I still had a few hours left to drive and Justin was waiting for me to bring his muzzle loader for him to sight in before the hunts. While we were driving, Justin and the other guys who were there for the Heroes Haven event were at the gun range. They sighted in their muzzle loaders and then had some fun trying out the guns that local gun manufacturer, LWRC, brought. I arrived after the guys had finished shooting the LWRC guns and the last few were sighting in their muzzle loaders. Justin sighted in his, and then took Corey over to a shorter ranger and let Corey shoot a few rounds through his little .22 Cricket before we headed over to the skeet shooting area.

After the shooting, it was time to head to the Sharptown American Legion. Since this was our third year, we knew what to expect, but some of the new guys were clueless and it was a bit emotional for them. The weather was beautiful and there was a great turnout of bikers to escort us and people lining the streets to welcome us to Sharptown. Our first year, it was strangers welcoming us. This year, like last year, it was friends welcoming us back…and it was very good to be back. Over the next few days, the guys went out hunting. There weren’t as many deer shot this time around (sadly, we saw 10x the number that were shot that had been hit by cars on the interstate), but I don’t think that anyone would say that Heroes Haven 2015 wasn’t a success. You see, hunting is what may bring them to Sharptown, but it’s the community, not the deer, that make Heroes Haven something special.

Two years ago, Justin, Corey, and I were the first family to come to the Heroes Haven event. Previously it had just been the guys who were hunting. This year, there were several families who came. On Friday, some of us went to a pumpkin patch and let the kids pick out pumpkins. We had planned to pick some apples, but it wasn’t open that day. On Saturday, a bunch of us went to a corn maze. The kids had a blast…and the adults tried to keep the group from getting too lost.

Then came the banquet on Saturday evening. As always, the banquet was a wonderful evening. The new guys were presented with keys to the city of Sharptown, memberships to the American Legion, and their guns that they’d used throughout the week. This year, Heroes Haven had someone who hadn’t served in the military. The board voted to open it up to law enforcement that had been wounded in the line of duty, and this year was the first year they had a police officer. Since he had never been in the military, he wasn’t eligible to join the American Legion, but he was accepted into the Sons of the American Legion. It was a very special night for all of the new guys. Then the guys from previous years were given the trophies from the previous season. Ray, the man in charge of making everything happen, was given a crossbow by the guys from previous years and he was speechless. It was nice to see the guys giving back. At one point during the evening, several of the guys from last year announced that they would pass around baskets and if enough money was collected, Kendall would shave his beard and if even more was, he’d shave his whole head. A couple men from the community jumped in and offered to shave their beards as well. Nearly $2400 was raised!

Sunday morning was, as Corey calls it, the good-bye breakfast. We enjoyed one last meal with our friends before we had to hit the road to head back home. We took a different route home and went through some underwater tunnels. It was a more scenic route, but traffic was lighter, so it wasn’t too bad. We made it home yesterday evening. I’m so glad we made the trip to Maryland, but man, is it good to be home.

Founded By God

On June 5^th, I received an email that my college alma mater, Clearwater Christian College, would be closing its doors forever on June 30^th. Within 24 hours, my facebook newsfeed was filled with posts from my CCC friends about it. It wasn’t long before someone started a group to share memories and encourage each other. Many people requested that there be a final service at the college before it was closed. That service was this past Sunday. I’m very thankful that I was able to attend.

The service was led by Mr. Ben Puckett – a CCC alumnus who had been on staff for many years post-graduation. He was on staff during my time at CCC and one of his daughters and I had a few classes together. CCC had been a huge part of his life, and I honestly don’t know how he made it through the service without being more emotional than he was. I don’t think I could have done it if I had been in his shoes. He did a great job putting just the right about of humor and seriousness. He gave a brief history of the college decade by decade. He asked people from each decade to participate in the service by speaking, playing the piano, or singing. Here are the lyrics to one of the songs that was sung. I think it spoke to a lot of people because the closing of the college hit a lot of people hard – especially those who have invested a huge part of their lives in the school and the students and now are at a bit of a loss as to what comes next.

Blessings

By Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the achings of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

At one point in the service Mr. Puckett led the whole gym full of people singing Holy, Holy, Holy. It sounded absolutely beautiful. Then came the preaching part of the service. Mr. Bob Carver had been chosen to give the final message – something most (and likely all) of his former students were very happy about. Like the lessons he taught throughout the decades he taught at CCC, his final message at the college was filled with wisdom, encouragement, and it pointed to God. I’d like to share the main points of his message. Like in college, I took notes, but they might be a bit paraphrased since I don’t write nearly fast enough to keep up.

1)      We are completely dependent on God. (Psalm 63:8)

2)      We don’t know what a day may bring forth. Live every day with urgency and to impact eternity. (Proverbs 16:9)

3)      Live in constant prayer and thanksgiving.

4)      We have a constant need to confess our sins and repent.

5)      God is not finished with us yet.

Clearwater Christian College may be closed now, but the impact the college made lives on through the students whose lives were changed because they attended it. God’s plan for CCC may have come to an end, but God isn’t done with the alumni, faculty, and staff. It may be a change of direction for some, and a feeling of loss for many, but God’s plan isn’t over. To close the service, Jonathan Steele (son of the college’s founder) led us all in singing the school’s song which had written many years ago. It was so fitting that he closed the service by leading his song one last time. I had never met him, but I’m thankful that he was able to attend and have that part in the service. Then Dr. Ebert closed us in prayer.

For me, the day was very bittersweet. It was great catching up with college friends. During the service, I sat with my friends, Jenny and Bill. During my college years, I often sat with the two of them for morning chapel services, so it felt like being there took me back 9 years (aside from the fact that I had my 5 year old son there for the closing service and during my college years, his daddy and I had probably only spoken a couple words to each other ever). I got to see some of my professors, former roommates and unit-mates. It was really nice. I got to show my son various places around the campus and introduce him to people. I wanted to stay longer, but Corey had had about all he could take. A two hour service is a lot for a 5 year old to sit through and he was starting to get hungry. As I drove away from the campus for the last time, I wanted to turn around and go back. It hit me that that was likely the last time I would ever see many of those people this side of Heaven. There will be no more alumni events. No more newsletters telling about alumni marriages, births of children, and new jobs. I was sad that I had never made it over to attend any of the alumni vs current student sporting events. Most of the years since graduation, I had lived out of state (or out of the country) and the timing was never right for me to be able to go, and now I’ve lost my chance. I feel sad that my son won’t have the opportunity to attend my alma mater (and even the community college I attended as a dual enroll student while in high school and during summers while I was on break from CCC has since changed its name, so he can’t attend there as it was when I was there either). Yes, it’s a bit early to start thinking about college for my 5 year old, but up until the announcement was made about the college closing, I liked that he would one day have the option to attend CCC as I had done. After the service, they had tables set up with logo items that people could take. One of the items was one of those was one of those rubber bracelets with the words “The Cougar Challenge: Proverbs 27:17”. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” I found that to be so fitting both of the closing service and of my years at CCC. Looking back, I can see so many times where God used people during the 3 ½ years while I was there to sharpen me, to teach me, to challenge me, to encourage me, and to minister to me. During the closing service, God used those who sang and spoke to continue in that work. Clearwater Christian College may be closed, but we are its legacy. We are Clearwater.

Please pray for those directly affected by the closing – the students who will have to find new schools and the faculty and staff who will have to find new jobs. For many, they will be starting over after decades of working at the college. That will be quite a transition for them.

Three Flags and a Cross

I typically don’t get involved in political discussions or make political posts because I have friends with very different views than mine who I care about and respect. I won’t claim to be politically correct because I know that I’m not, and to be honest, the whole political correctness thing really gets on my nerves sometimes. That being said, I also don’t go out of my way to offend people. Sometimes, with some people, we just have to agree to disagree and have somewhat of an unspoken agreement not to bring up certain topics. If they post something I find offensive on social media, I just keep scrolling (usually), and I’m sure I’ve probably posted something they don’t prefer and most of the time, they keep scrolling. I probably have someone in my Facebook friends list or someone who reads my blog that has been offended by my views regarding God, the Bible, and sin. That’s life. We aren’t all going to agree 100% of the time. It’s how we handle the disagreements that tells a lot about who we are as people.

Over the course of the past couple weeks, there has been a lot of controversy in the news media and my Facebook news feed regarding issues with racism and the Supreme Court’s decision on the topic of gay marriage – the Confederate flag and the rainbow flag. I have friends who are on both sides of these controversies. Friends that I respect whether I agree with them or not. I’m not going to spend a lot of time writing out my arguments for or against either one.

Regarding the Confederate flag and the Civil War, I have family members that fought on both sides, so for me, for better or worse, both the Confederate flag and the American flag are a part of my family’s history. I don’t know whether the family members on either side were racist or what their motivations for fighting were or even whether they chose to fight or were forced to fight. I own both flags, but I only fly one – the American flag. The Confederate flag may be a part of my family’s history, but the American flag is the only national flag that I pledge my allegiance to, and I proudly fly it outside my house.

I’ll spend a bit more time talking about my views on racism. I turn on the news and see news stories online that are filled with incidents of racial tension and violence. Then I look around the auditorium at church and see people of many different races and ethnic backgrounds all together in a spirit of unity. Racial unity is something that I’m very passionate about because I have so many friends that look different than I do and are from different ethnic backgrounds than I am. Life would be boring if we were all the same and had all the same experiences. The church I was raised in and have gotten back into since we moved back to Florida is a very diverse church. There are people who can trace their family tree back to the founding of our country and others who are first generation Americans. Some have very light skin, others very dark, and just about everything in between. No, I won’t claim to be color blind (regarding race) and it really annoys me when people do. To claim not to see the visible differences is a lie. My view, and the way I was raised by my parents and by the example of my church, is to see the differences and find them beautiful. All people are made in the image of God. While God made our physical bodies and formed us when we were in our mothers’ wombs, the outward appearance isn’t how He judges us. I Samuel 16:7 says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”” Man looks at the outward. That’s a big problem today. People are often judge by the color of their skin. Sometimes it’s the innocent judged as guilty in the court of popular opinion, and sometimes it’s the guilty judged as innocent. Often, people find themselves walking on eggshells trying to avoid saying anything that might be even the slightest bit perceived as racist. My opinion on race is that all people are made in the image of God and have the same opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as Savior. Therefore, Heaven will be filled with people of all races and our church pews should reflect that. There shouldn’t be “white churches” and “black churches”. There should just be churches that preach the Word of God. Period. All people should be welcomed with open arms. I would like to make a distinction though. I think it’s perfectly fine if a church separates itself for language purposes. For example, if there is a large number of Japanese speaking people in a community and they form a church and preach the Bible in Japanese. They aren’t separating because they don’t want to attend church with non-Japanese. They are wanting to hear the Bible preached in a language that they understand better. Our country has been described as a “melting pot” as we have many people who are originally from many other countries who have come together to live in this country. Because of this, we have people who speak many different languages, and I believe that everyone should have an opportunity to hear God’s Word in a language that they can understand. It would be frustrating to be in a church and only understand half of what the pastor was saying. But for English speaking churches, I think that the church should be reflective of the surrounding community as far as race is concerned. If you live in a diverse community like where I live, the churches should also be diverse. If the area is less diverse, the church may not have as many of one race as another, but it should be welcoming of all races. I Corinthians 12:12 says, “For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.” We are ONE body. It doesn’t say one body of this race and another of that race. We are called to unity in Christ. I’m of the opinion that as a country, we should call ourselves to unity as Americans. We need to do away with all the labels and hyphens that separate us into groups and just see ourselves as Americans. Once we get that part figured out, the rest will be easier to tackle. Start with uniting our country and embracing what we have in common.

Regarding homosexual marriage (the rainbow flag)…as you know if you know me or have read my blog. I am a Bible believing, conservative Christian. If God, through the Bible, calls something a sin, who am I to disagree? That being said, Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. The Bible doesn’t call Christians to judge the world or to be the moral compass. We are called to share God’s love and the good news of Jesus and the salvation that He has given through His sacrifice on the cross. No, that doesn’t mean we should soften the message of the Bible into some feel-good message. If there wasn’t sin, we wouldn’t need a Savior. We are all sinners, and in God’s eyes, every sin, regardless of how “big” or “small” we think it is compared to another, is the same – less than His perfection. James 2:10 says, “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” Thankfully that’s not the end of the story. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” So many times today, I read people’s posts, blogs, etc. that say things like Jesus would do (fill in the blank) if He were in (fill in the situation). Most of the time these statements make me cringe. Let’s just stick to what Jesus actually did in the situations He actually encountered as recorded in the Bible. I also cringe when they take His words out of context. One example is when people are bashing Christians for speaking out against a particular sin. People will come back with statements about not casting stones unless you’re perfect, which is the paraphrase of what Jesus did say, but it’s not all He said in that passage. There was a woman who had been caught in adultery (though given she was caught in the act, you have to wonder where the man was and why the religious leaders didn’t bring him to Jesus too) and the religious leaders were trying to trip Jesus up by asking him if He thought that she should be stoned as the law stated. John 8:7-11 says, “So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”” Yes, the message of Jesus is one of love and compassion. His gift of salvation comes with no strings attached, BUT once we receive that gift, He does not expect us to continue in our sin. No, that doesn’t mean Christians are perfect. We’re humans that struggle with the sin nature that we were born with. All that being a Christian means (regarding sin) is that our sins have been forgiven and that the Holy Spirit lives inside our souls and will help us resist the temptation to sin. I Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Christians are tempted to sin just like everyone else, and we don’t always take that way of escape. I’m thankful for God’s longsuffering grace that forgives even when I fail over and over.

I titled this “Three Flags and a Cross” because there is much controversy surrounding two flags in our country and the issues they represent – the Confederate flag and the rainbow flag. And it is my prayer that we find unity under the third flag – the American flag – and in the cross where Jesus sacrificed Himself so that ALL people, regardless of race, background, or the sins they’ve committed, could be saved. Please join me in praying for our country as we are in a time of increasing inner turmoil on many fronts.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag

     of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for which it stands:

     one Nation under God, indivisible,

With Liberty and Justice for all.

On This Day

On this Day

Facebook has a somewhat new feature, or at least I only discovered it recently called “On This Day”. This feature looks back at your newsfeed from the time you joined facebook and shows all the posts that occurred on this day in previous years. It’s interesting to look back and see events from the past nearly 10 years. I can also look back in my chat and see messages from years back if I haven’t deleted them. For instance, on this day 2 years ago, I was chatting with Justin while he was deployed. He had recently been on a mission and had injured his arm. It was a minor injury, so it didn’t keep him from doing his job. He couldn’t talk for very long because he had to help plan an upcoming mission. Before he signed off, here’s one of the things I told him “please don't injure yourself on it”. The next conversation I had with him was about a day and a half later when he called to tell me that he’d lost both legs. Two years ago, on this day, our lives were relatively normal…at least as normal as life during a deployment ever is. Corey had started tee-ball, and we were involved in our church in Georgia. Justin was doing the normal infantry thing which he loved. Then came June 9, 2013 when life as we knew it ceased to exist.

One year ago today, we spent the day at a Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing tournament. (http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/06/one-year-update-and-our-weekend-trip.html) This was the first time Justin had been fishing STANDING since he was injured. He had only had both legs for several weeks, so standing to fish was a pretty big deal. We were still living on the Walter Reed complex with no clue when our time there would be finished. Days like this one where Justin fished, I took pictures and relaxed by the water, and Corey got to run around and be a normal kid were what kept us sane. The approximately 18 months that we spent at Walter Reed were very difficult times for us. We made some awesome friends and great memories, but we are very glad to have that chapter closed.

Now here we are today, about 36 hours away from the time that Justin called me to tell me about his injuries two years ago. Life now is very different from life then. Somethings are better, others worse, but overall, life is good. God is good. The other day, I was walking my dog and thinking about life. I hate that Justin was injured, and I hate that he struggles to find a balance between living life to the fullest and adequately resting his legs. But I love our life. Life always has struggles even under the best circumstances. Nobody has a perfect life, and my family is no different. Struggles make the road bumpier, but they don’t stop you from enjoying the view while you’re on the road. You just have to look up and not focus on the bumps. For a long time, I considered June 9, 2013 as the end of something, but while on my walk with my dog, I realized something important. June 9^th was also the beginning of something quite different. Yes, sometimes I miss the way things used to be, but then I look around and see everything I have (not just physical possessions) that would not have been had Justin not been injured. I’m sitting in my house knowing that I won’t have to move again unless for some reason we choose to move (which I don’t see happening). On the couch a few feet away is my husband who I’m thankful is alive and because of his injuries, we’ve spent more hours together in the past two years than probably in the rest of our relationship combined. He no longer has to miss birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays due to trainings, duties, or deployments. Across the room, sleeping on the loveseat, is our dog, Rufus. Two things I didn’t want while Justin was still in the Army were to buy a house and have a pet. Both made moving more difficult, and one thing you could count on in the Army was that you couldn’t count on staying in the same place. Now here we are, homeowners with a dog. Then there’s Corey who is currently asleep in his room. He is able to put roots down for the first time in his life. He’s getting to grow up surrounded by family, both from my side and Justin’s. He’s getting to grow up in the church I grew up in and form friendships that, hopefully like some of mine, will last his lifetime. We’ve made so many great memories since we’ve moved back home about 6 months ago. When I think about it, my heart is so full of gratitude. No, the way things happened to get us to this point weren’t ideal, especially for Justin physically, but we are enjoying this new chapter of our lives.

At my retreat last weekend, in one of the sessions, the lady said something that stuck with me. To paraphrase, depressions happens when you focus too much on the past and anxiety when you focus too much on the future. Sometimes you need to let both go and focus on the present. I’d also like to add under the depression part that you shouldn’t focus on dreams or plans for the future that you had in the past before life changed. Another addition would be not just to focus on the present, but also eternity. Sometimes the future can be scary, but the future in this life is just a blip compared to eternity. Sometimes it makes me sad when I think about how different reality is from what my past dreams for my future were, and sometimes I get anxious thinking about life when both Justin and I are old and he requires more care than he does now. Then I look around at the present and count my blessings. I look back and see how God has helped me through the past couple years and the lessons He’s taught me. Then I can look ahead, and the future doesn’t seem quite as scary because I know God will be walking beside us through it.

This morning in Sunday school, my brother-in-law, Matt, was teaching again. He was talking about the importance of always being ready with a testimony of what God has done in your life. He didn’t read this verse, I think it fits with his lesson perfectly. I Peter 3:15 says, “but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear”. Throughout my blog, if you read through the posts, I’ve talked about our struggles, our triumphs, our fun times, and our blessings. I’ve shared from my heart lessons that I’ve learned. I’ve also tried to share, in some blogs more than others, the reason for the hope that is in me. Some people try to be comforting saying that God never gives you more than you can handle. I disagree, I’ve been given more than I can handle on my own at times. I prefer the phase that God will not bring you to something that He won’t bring you through. He has given me strength and comfort when I was weak. He has healed Justin so that he can enjoy life. He gave us friends and brought organizations into our lives that has made this time of transition and finding the “new normal” easier. He holds our future in His hands and will be beside us every step of the way. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” In a nutshell, this is my testimony: God has carried me in the past, He is blessing me in the present during this time of rest, and He has given me a hopeful future, even with the struggles. These are the thoughts on my heart as we approach Justin’s 2^nd Alive Day. I pray that on this day next year, I can tell about many more adventures, times of joy, great memories, and for Justin, many more fish caught since that’s been his favorite retirement activity. Thank you all for sharing this journey with us and praying for us along the way!

Caregivers Retreat

About 6 weeks ago, my America’s Fund case manager (who I also consider a friend), contacted me regarding an upcoming caregiver’s retreat in Florida. I couldn’t reply back fast enough to ask her to sign me up. I don’t miss being at Walter Reed, but I miss the kinship I felt with the other caregivers during our time there. The Semper Fi Fund/America’s Fund (SFF/AF) holds various activities specifically for caregivers and I really enjoyed the Ladies Night Out dinners that I attended (Caregivers Night Out). There are a lot of organizations out there that help and encourage wounded veterans which is awesome, but most of them are specifically and solely for the veteran and tend to ignore the families. Don’t get me wrong, I think our wounded veterans deserve the attention and appreciation, but when a service member is injured, the injury may only touch them, but it effects the entire family in various ways. My son was 3 ½ when Justin was injured. He’s not the same kid as he was 2 years ago. I’m not the same person that I was 2 years ago. Physically, the past 2 years have been harder on Justin, but emotionally, I think it’s been harder on me because I’m a more emotional person in general. Just recently, I’ve come to a degree of acceptance with things to see that June 9, 2013 wasn’t the end, but a beginning of a new type of journey. Anyway, that’s another subject for another blog…back to the retreat. After I responded to Stephanie, she sent me more details about the retreat. It would be taking place at a beach side resort in St. Pete Beach, on the west coast of Florida near Tampa. Everyone would arrive on the Friday and head home on Sunday. The closer it got to the retreat, the more excited I got. I needed some time to myself to relax and regroup.

Then came the day of the retreat. Having gone to school in the Tampa area, I knew how bad I-4 traffic can get on a Friday afternoon. I decided to leave in the morning (the first event of the retreat wasn’t until 6 pm) and visit with some friends who are like family to me that live in Tampa before heading to the resort. Upon arriving at the Don CeSar Hotel, I checked in and was greeted by four wonderful SFF/AF case managers who put a lot of time into planning such a wonderful weekend for us. I settled into my room and then headed over to the spa to receive my deep tissue massage. Talk about a great way to start the weekend. Then I took a walk on the beach which got me even more relaxed. Being on/near/in the water is my happy place.

Around 6 pm, everyone started arriving at the Sunset Pavilion for some social time and dinner. One of my friends from Walter Reed was able to come on the retreat, and it was great to catch up with her and to meet the other ladies. There were around 40 of us on the retreat. Some were spouses, others mothers caring for an adult son or daughter, and a fiancé or two. Many of the spouses, like me, are also raising children in addition to being a caregiver to their husband. While at dinner, the sun began to set (the Sunset Pavilion has an excellent view), so we all hurried out to the beach (about 10 feet from the outdoor patio where we were eating dinner) to get a group shot with the sunset in the background and another shot with the hotel in the background. It was so beautiful watching the sun set over the water. After dinner, some people went out, others hit the hot tub, and some went back to the rooms to rest up for the next day.

Saturday was a day packed with activities to help us relax and de-stress. We started the day bright and early with yoga on the beach at 8 am. Those of you who know me know that I am so not a morning person and do not have the best balance ever. I put forth a good effort, but my favorite poses were the resting ones that nearly put me back to sleep. Lol Then came a delicious breakfast on the pavilion. After breakfast, we headed upstairs to the conference room for some classes. The first one was on managing stress. The lady who spoke asked some very thought provoking questions that hit home to probably all of us. It was a bit emotional for some to voice their struggles and hear others going through the exact same thing. The next class was a bit lighter. It was how to art journal. It was interesting and kind of fun, but I think I’ll stick to writing. My art skills leave much to be desired. Lol 

Then we took a break for lunch which was very tasty. After lunch, we painted wine glasses. Some of the ladies were very artistic and their glasses looked really cool. Mine…well, it’s colorful. While I’m not especially talented in that area, it was fun to try something that I normally wouldn’t. As with the art journals, my glass is no masterpiece, but laughing and chatting with the other ladies while making my attempt at art was pretty relaxing.

The last schedule activity of the afternoon was stretching techniques. Once again, the resting positions nearly put me to sleep (but that says I was really relaxed, right?). Some of the stretches felt really good to work the kinks out of my shoulders and neck. I need to remember to do those at home when I’m sitting for a while. After the classes were done, I hit the beach again. While I was standing in the water, about a dozen stingrays swam past me. It was pretty cool. I don’t think I’ve ever seen stingrays in the wild before.

Then came time to head to downtown St. Pete for some shopping and dinner. On the bus, they gave us each a Visa gift card with the instructions to spend it on ourselves. That may sound like an easy thing, but it’s really not. When I go shopping, I see something and my first thoughts are “Corey would like this” or “Justin would like that” or “my mom would like this”. When I shop for myself, it’s usually necessities like clothes, shoes, etc. I went through many shops, but most were kind of artsy and I didn’t really see much that caught my eye, but there was one thing that just fascinated me. It was called Exotic Sands. Just watching the sand swirl and fall in different patterns each time I flipped it was kind of soothing, so I decided to get it because it fit with the weekend as a whole. Then came another delicious meal before heading back to the hotel. Once we got back, I decided to hit the hot tub and relax with the other ladies a bit before turning in for the night.

 My Exotic Sands thing

Sunday morning, we had a nice farewell breakfast. Many of us exchanged contact information or looked each other up on Facebook so that we could keep in touch. It was sad to see the weekend come to a close. I hope that someday, I can meet up with my new friends because I’d love to spend more time getting to know them. I’m so thankful that SFF/AF brought us all together to share and learn from each other. I’m also thankful that I drove to the retreat because many of the ladies who flew there had trouble fitting all the goodies that SFF/AF spoiled us with in their suitcases. If I could change anything about the weekend, it would be to add more hours to the days because time just flew by way too fast with all the fun we were having. One thing that we heard in one of the classes was that depression happens when you focus too much on the past and anxiety when you focus too much on the future. Sometimes you just have to focus on the present. I know I’m guilty of not just focusing on the past but on the way I wanted the future to be before June 9, 2013 happened. Sometimes I do get anxious thinking about the future and about what things will be like when Justin is old and not as independent. I often have to remind myself to trust God for the future because worrying about it won’t change anything. I have to remind myself not just to live in the present and enjoy the blessings that God has given me, but also to live for eternity. The difficulties of life are so short…though while I’m going through them, sometimes they seem never ending. But God can use those trials to bring about something amazing in the long run. To sum it all up, I came away from the weekend with a lot of things to think about, some tips and things to try to help manage stress, a heart that was full of thankfulness, and a mind that felt relaxed and refreshed. Not bad for just one full day and two partial days. Thank you, Semper Fi Fund/America’s Fund for caring for caregivers and making us feel so special and appreciated!

Doubts, Faith, and Prayer

When I was a teenager, my Grams was diagnosed with breast cancer. We prayed and trusted God and were thankful when her cancer went into remission. Then her cancer came back and spread to her lungs. This time God answered our prayers for healing with “no”. She passed away just after Thanksgiving when I was 18. I knew that she was happy and healthy in Heaven, but I wasn’t ready for her to leave us on earth. Her death, along with a few other things I prayed for that received responses other than the way I wanted caused me to doubt. I didn’t doubt God. I doubted myself. I felt like I must have done something wrong that caused God to answer my prayers with a “no” over and over. My prayers weren’t selfish. They were requests for other people to be healed, for relationships to mend, not things for myself. I got to the point where I was hesitant to pray for fear that whatever I’d done to offend God would make him answer with a “no” and it would make the person’s situation worse. I struggled with balancing having faith that God could work miracles and doubting that He would. I never lost my faith, but I had a lot that I had to work through.

Since then, I’ve matured a lot spiritually and emotionally. I’ve learned a lot about God. I’ve learned that He is always faithful even when my faith has struggles. I’ve learned that the answers to my prayers are not dependent on how much faith I do or don’t have. Some things just aren’t in God’s perfect plan. Just look at the Bible. Is there any person in the Bible or since the Bible was written who has had more faith than Jesus? In Luke 22:42, Jesus said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Jesus prayed and asked God that if it were possible that He wouldn’t have to suffer and die. God answered with a “no”. Jesus asked for a specific thing and it didn’t happen. Did God hear the prayer of his Son? Absolutely. Was Jesus’ request part of God’s ultimate plan? No. Was Jesus’ faith or lack of faith the reason for the “no”? No, it wasn’t. Jesus had to die on the cross so that we might be saved. There was no other way. It had nothing to do with Jesus having a lack of faith and everything to do with God’s plan. When the disciples asked Jesus how they should pray, He warned them not to be like the religious leaders of their day who would stand around and pray loudly, not to God, but to attract attention to themselves. He also told them not to chant over and over the same things like the heathens. He told them in Matthew 6:9-10, “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” Once again, Jesus is saying that an important part of prayer isn’t just making a request, but submitting to or accepting God’s will in the situation. I Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.” That doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be constantly asking God for things. Prayer is talking to God. As in any relationship, communication is important for a relationship to grow. In the relationship, if one person only talks to the other to ask for favors, the relationship will likely not last long. Thankfully God is a lot more longsuffering with us. In my opinion, praying without ceasing is more of a flowing conversation with God. It doesn’t have your normal “Dear Lord” beginning and “In Jesus’ name, Amen” ending. It’s me throughout the day sharing my thoughts of gratitude, hurt, love, joy, and anything else that’s in my heart with God. Sometimes I have specific requests, sometimes it’s asking for clarity on situations, and other times it’s asking for peace in accepting God’s will above my own. Sometimes down the road, I can look back at a situation where God answered “no” and see why and it makes sense. Other times, I still struggle to make sense of things. Sometimes God uses a “no” to bring us to a place we wouldn’t have been if we’d gotten the answer we wanted and to cross paths with people who we wouldn’t have met if we’d had our way. Sometimes He uses the “no” to help us grow and other times He may use it to help someone else.

The Bible is full of examples of people who had more faith than I could ever imagine and they received the answers “no” and “not yet”. Why should I be any different? It’s not easy having the opposite of what I’d prayed for happen. It often hurts, especially when the prayer is for healing of a loved one.

Yesterday in church. My brother-in-law, Matt, gave the lesson for my Sunday school class. He taught about Gideon. Gideon was a judge in the days before the people of Israel had kings. Gideon didn’t consider himself to be important, and when he was called to be a judge, he was hiding behind a well from the Midianites. Gideon had many doubts, yet he was mentioned in Hebrews 11 (also known as the “Hall of Faith” chapter) for his faith. He asked God for multiple signs to prove that what God said was really supposed to happen. He had doubts, but he received mention for his faith. That’s really awesome that God used his doubts to strengthen his faith in the end. Here’s the main points Matt listed regarding Gideon’s doubts (Matt read Judges 6-7 for the lesson).

1.      Gideon doubts God – (what have you done for me lately; evil in the world)

2.      Gideon doubts his calling – (who am I mindset; what can I do?)

3.      Gideon doubts God’s sovereignty – (Can you really do this; sometimes we take things into our own hands)

4.      Gideon doubts the very words of God – (Will you really use me?; seeks verification)

5.      Others doubt/Were willing but didn’t truly believe – (I ate Justin’s turkey without thinking it safe or edible)

6.      Gideon gets distracted – (Circumstances caused doubt; things look too impossible, past failures)

I’m so thankful that the Bible doesn’t just tell about how people got things right, but also about their doubts and struggles. Not because misery loves company and I like to read about other people’s failure so I feel better about myself, but because it shows how people who struggle like I do can be used to do amazing things for God. No, God won’t always show us signs like keeping dew off the ground while soaking a fleece and keeping a fleece dry while the ground was soaked with dew to prove His plan will happen, but He still directs our paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” God uses imperfect people like Gideon, like me, and like you to accomplish his perfect plan. That’s amazing. That’s God’s grace and mercy.

Weep with them that Weep

When I was younger, in church sometimes we’d be asked to recite Bible verses. If we got to choose which verse to recite, we’d usually either go for the most common ones (John 3:16 and Genesis 1:1) or the shortest if we could remember where they were located in the Bible. I’d never really thought about the short ones in too much depth. I mean, how much can you really get from 2-3 words? Well, if they’re God’s Words, sometimes you can get a lot from a little. The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35. “Jesus wept.” Two of the other shortest verses are 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17. “Rejoice always” and “Pray without ceasing.” I was thinking about those verses and it struck me how the two verses with just two words are opposite in nature – weeping and rejoicing. And the other verse with three words goes equally with both. Sometimes during the times of weeping, it’s hard to put words to our prayers because our hearts are so heavy. Romans 8:26 says, “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” At the times when we are hurting the most, God knows our hearts and hears not just our words, but our sorrow and hurt and grief.

A couple weeks ago in Sunday school, we were continuing to learn from the book of Lamentations. Our teacher read part of an interview with Joni Eareckson Tada (became a quadriplegic after a diving accident). I found the interview online. (http://www.worldmag.com/2013/01/joni_eareckson_tada_on_words_that_hurt_actions_that_help) Here are a couple sections from it:

When you were in the hospital room, in despair about becoming a quadriplegic through your diving accident, were some comments people made—with good intentions—hugely irritating? I had many well-meaning friends my age who said well-meaning things, but they were uninformed because the Bible says weep with those who weep. Many friends would say to me, from Romans 8:28, “Joni, all things fit together to a pattern for good.” Or, from James 1:3, “Welcome this trial as a friend.” Or, from Romans 5, “Rejoice in suffering.” These are good and right and true biblical mandates, but when your heart is being wrung out like a sponge, sometimes the 16 good biblical reasons as to why all this has happened to you sting like salt in the wound. When people are going through great trauma, great grief, they don’t want answers. Because answers don’t reach the problems where it hurts in the gut, in the heart.

What does help? When I was a little girl, I remember riding my bike down a steep hill. I made a right-hand turn. My wheels skidded out on gravel and I crashed to the ground. My knee was a bloody mess. My dad comes running out. I’m screaming and crying. Although I didn’t ask why, if I had, how cruel it would have been for my father to stand over me and say, “Well, sweetheart, let me answer that question. The next time you’re going down the hill, watch the steepness, be careful about the trajectory of your turn, be observant of gravel.” Those would all have been good answers to the question, “Why did this happen?” But when people are going through great trauma and great grief, they don’t want to know why. They want Daddy to pick them up, press them against his chest, pat them on the back, and say, “There, there, sweetheart, Daddy’s here. It’s OK.” When we are hurting, that’s what we want. We want God to be Daddy: warm, compassionate, real, in the middle of our suffering. We want fatherly assurance that our world is not spinning out of control.

At the end of the article, it stated this phrase: “Don’t you dare be caught rejoicing with those who weep. Weep with those who weep.” This is a reference to Romans 12:15 which says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Sometimes when we’re going through hard times, people don’t know what to say. They truly do mean well, but their words aren’t as comforting as intended. The interview mentioned people reciting Romans 8:28. Yes, I know that God will work things out for good according to His purpose, but when I’m in the middle of a particularly difficult trial, it’s hard to see how any good could possibly come from it. Sometimes it’s just not the time for comforting words, it’s a time to just be there for a person, to listen when they need to vent. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 and 7b says,

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

Jesus understood grief and loss. John 11 talks about the death of Lazarus. Jesus knew he would see His friend alive again soon, yet He still wept. As a Christian, I know that when a loved one passes away, if they also believe, I will see them again in Heaven one day. It is a comfort to have that Hope, but my heart still hurts that they’re no longer here. I can’t call them up on the phone to talk. There are empty places at the table where they used to sit. I can’t ask them for advice or just sit and enjoy their company. One day we’ll be reunited, but right now it just plain hurts that they’re gone. I’m thankful that death is not the end and that the tears are only temporary. Physical pain and difficulties are also temporary. In Heaven there will be no more pain. Our bodies will be perfect – free from sickness and injury. Here on earth, we see sickness everywhere. I would venture a guess that everyone either has lost someone in their family or has a friend who has lost a family member due to cancer. Hospitals and doctors’ offices are full of people who are sick, injured, and dying. I lived on a hospital complex for 18 months. We were surrounded by some of the worst injuries that I had ever seen. It was depressing at times, but at the same side, it was amazing because everywhere you turned, there was a miracle – someone who by all accounts shouldn’t be alive, but is. Men and women who survived and aren’t letting their injuries keep them down. They’ve been through some dark, painful days and have endured many medical procedures and difficult physical therapy sessions with the hope that someday things will get better. Life is a lot like that. We endure pain and loss, but we press forward because we have hope that one day things will get better. It may not be here on earth, but our time here on earth is so short compared to an eternity in Heaven.

I usually try to keep my blogs uplifting and encouraging, but right now my heart is heavy with loss. The time for laughing and rejoicing will come, but the grief is still fresh. The longer I live, the more people I love and care about pass away and the more I look forward to a Heavenly reunion. I encourage you, my friends, to be careful what you say to people who are in the midst of hardship. (Not that anyone’s made any comments to me lately, but well-meaning comments in the past have stung.) If you don’t know what to say, just be there for the person. Don’t try to fix things because only God can do that most of the time. Just listen and pray for them. Don’t try to compare their circumstances to someone who is going through worse. That typically isn’t very helpful at all. Laugh when they need to laugh and hold them when they need to cry. Your presence will mean a lot more than your words in times of grief. And if you don’t know what to do, pray for them. They may be in one of those times where the grief is so deep that they don’t know the words to express it and your prayers may help to bring them comfort. I’m going to end this blog with the words to a hymn that a friend reminded me of last week.

What a Friend we Have in Jesus

By Joseph M. Scriven

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,

Oh, what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised

Thou wilt all our burdens bear;

May we ever, Lord, be bringing

All to Thee in earnest prayer.

Soon in glory bright, unclouded,

There will be no need for prayer—

Rapture, praise, and endless worship

Will be our sweet portion there.