Sharing Hope

Today I would like to share with you a burden that is on my heart. I don’t quite know where to start, so I guess I’ll give a little background and take it from there.

For those who might be new to my blog and aren’t familiar with our story, my husband, Justin, was injured in Afghanistan last year while on his third combat deployment. He was hit with a rocket that they later determined went through his left leg and exploded behind him. As a result of the blast, he lost both legs below the knee. Had it not been for the quick work of one of his soldiers and his medic, Justin likely would have bled out. After being stabilized overseas, Justin was eventually transported to Walter Reed in Bethesda, MD where we would spend the next nearly 18 months. While we were at Walter Reed, we were contacted by our home town asking if we would like a house – not just a house, but an adapted, wheelchair accessible house. Our hometown newspaper had run a story about us and local government officials saw it and wanted to help us. Once plans for our house were underway, they decided to expand things and give homes to between 20-35 wounded veterans and their families. The way it works is that the city purchases foreclosed houses (which can become an eyesore with lawns not kept up, vandalism, etc. and bring down property values for surrounding houses), fixes them up, adapts as needed, and gives them to the veteran. A lot of the materials and labor are donated by local businesses and volunteers. The driving force behind organizing volunteers and collecting donations is a local veteran non-profit called the Space Coast Paratrooper’s Association. We received the keys to our house in August (though we weren’t able to live in it until November when Justin finished up at Walter Reed), and since then, two additional houses have been presented.

Over the past six years that Justin and I have been married, I’ve met a lot of men and women who have served in our military (mostly Army since that’s the branch Justin served in), and I’ve met their families. I’ve seen how multiple deployments, trainings, combat experiences, separations, injuries, (both visible and invisible) and other difficulties effect the service members and their families. Over the past 18 months, I’ve see another side of things with wounded service members and their caregivers and other family members. I’ve seen my own husband endure levels of pain that I can’t begin to comprehend. I’ve seen my young son attempting to grasp why we had to abruptly move, why his daddy was missing his legs, seeing his daddy in pain and hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires. All that can be scary for a little guy. I’ve seen and experienced the frustration with the transition unit and the confusion of navigating the VA system. I’ve seen doctors and nurses (both military and civilian) who have dedicated their lives to helping treat our wounded service members. I’ve seen them quite literally put people back together. I’ve seen non-profits jumping in to help cover the gaps where the VA and military are lacking. I’ve seen a lot, and the things I’ve seen and experienced have placed a burden on my heart for our veterans because these men and women aren’t just a faceless group of people. These are my friends, my husband’s brothers-in-arms, my neighbors, and my family.

Right now, the current statistics show that an average of 22 veterans commit suicide every day. Lately, it seems like a week doesn’t go by that one or more of my friends posts about another that has taken his/her life. A celebrity that accidentally overdoses or kills him/herself, or even that dies of natural causes, will be in the news for weeks, if not months. Veterans that die in combat barely get mentioned outside of their local news and military news sources, and veterans that kill themselves get even less even though the numbers are growing as the problem is becoming worse.

PTSD is often named as the primary cause, but I personally think it is only part of the problem. The military and VA hospitals are limited to treating problems and their symptoms. They can’t heal wounds of either the physical, mental, or emotional varieties, only treat them. Only the Great Physician can bring true healing. So often, the spiritual is left out of the equation. I don’t know how I could have gotten through the past 18 months without my faith in God. I’m not as strong as people think I am. Over and over in the Bible, God tells us to be strong in Him. My faith gave me hope that even during the most difficult days where nothing was going right and I wanted to cry and scream and give up, that He would never leave me or forsake me. The hard times were only temporary. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”” Hope and a future. What an amazing thought. God knows the plans that He has for my life and those plans are full of hope. Right after Justin was injured, the future looked scary. I had a million things running through my head. I didn’t know where life would take us. I didn’t know how our needs would be met. I didn’t know much of anything other than the fact that Justin was alive. But God knew, and He gave me hope. That hope helped me endure the hard days, and now, 18 months later, the future looks a lot brighter. I’m excited to see what comes next, and I’m enjoying what’s happening right now. If I were to think back to when this journey started and imagine what it would have been like without my faith, I honestly don’t know where I’d be. Maybe I would have turned to drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism. Maybe I would have called it quits on my marriage, or maybe even my life. I do know that my life would be vastly different. And I wasn’t even the one injured. I haven’t been in combat. I’ve never seen the person next to me die from a bullet or an explosion. I’ve never had to kill anyone. The worst injuries I’ve had were a broken finger, a sprained ankle, and a cut on my knee. Justin and the others that end up in places like Walter Reed are missing body parts. On the day Justin was injured, he called me to tell me what had happened. He was in excruciating pain and only was on the phone with me for a few minutes before he handed the phone off to the nurse to answer my questions, but one thing he requested was the phone number for our pastor. He was on some pretty high levels of pain medication, and doesn’t remember much of the first 6-8 weeks post-injury, so he doesn’t remember, but he did call our pastor once the pain was under control. When he was at his worst, he wanted to pray on the phone with our pastor. At Walter Reed, he was in horrible pain after one of his surgeries, and he requested a chaplain to come pray with him. In the times where the pain seemed unbearable, God brought Justin comfort and helped him. He gave Justin the strength to recover and live a full life regardless of his injuries. He healed Justin’s wounds. He helped Justin to get off all of his pain medications. We have seen so many prayers answered in so many ways that I can’t begin to name them all. But what if Justin didn’t have that faith?

I think that lack of Hope is one of the biggest reasons the veteran suicide rate is so high. That’s not to say that Christians never get depressed or even suicidal, but as Christians, we know we can place our full faith in God and he will help us through the dark times. It’s not always easy, but God is always faithful. As Christians, we need to pray for our veterans. Not just pray for the safety of those deployed (though that is extremely important) and not just to thank God for those who have served (also important), but to pray that those who have served will accept that gift of Hope. That they will allow the Great Physician to truly heal them. Local churches need to reach out and show these men and women God’s love. So many are lost and searching for something, but many aren’t sure what that something is. Christmas is just around the corner, and for many, this can be a sad, depressing time of year rather than a time of joy. These men and women need God’s love and need the hope and comfort that only He can give. We need to find ways to get out in the community and build relationships and fill in the important gap that the military and VA neglect – helping these men and women find spiritual healing. I truly believe that if Christians all across our great nation do this, we will see the veteran suicide rate go down. All of the medication in the world can’t compete with the healing that God can bring, and as Christians, we need to share this Hope with those around us.

Ups and Downs, Valleys and Blessings

This morning in church, my pastor was talking about the birth of Jesus – specifically what Mary experienced. Mary was young and from a somewhat poor family, and the main things she had were her virtue and her betrothed, Joseph. When the angel visited her to tell her that she had been chosen, she realized that it was unlikely that anyone would believe her that she conceived miraculously – including Joseph. She stood to lose (in other people’s eyes) her virtue, and had an angel not also visited Joseph to set him straight on how Mary conceived, she might have lost him too. Pastor brought up the point that being chosen by God for such an important task of raising His Son was a huge blessing, but at the time it probably didn’t feel like it. Pastor then brought up a different Joseph in the Bible from the book of Genesis. Joseph eventually became the right hand man to the Pharaoh of Egypt, but before that happened, he was first sold into slavery by his own brothers. He worked hard and found blessing in the eyes of his master and became the manager of the house. Then he was falsely accused by his master’s wife and was thrown into jail. At this point in his life, he probably didn’t feel very blessed. But that jail was exactly where God needed Joseph to work His plan. I’m sure it didn’t make sense to Joseph except in hindsight, which is usually 20/20. While in jail, Joseph met a couple of Pharaoh’s servants. One of them was executed but the other was reinstated to his position, and at the right time, mentioned Joseph to Pharaoh. Joseph was released from jail and helped save not only Egypt, but also his own family from a famine that lasted a long time. Joseph was blessed, but the path to the blessings was full of trials and difficulties.

That’s how life often is. I have been blessed, but my life certainly hasn’t been perfect. I was recently reading a book called Flabbergasted by Ray Blackston. Here’s a quote from the book that stuck with me: “Yesterday I tried to explain to the children that life is full of ups and downs, and that some of the downs are actually ups, and some of the ups, downs. They only wanted to know how far is down. I said it depends. Depends on what? They asked. I told them it depends on if you view the downs as a green valley or an endless abyss.” Mary’s life took a drastic turn when the angel came to visit. Her life suddenly became more difficult and her responsibilities much greater. Raising a child is a huge responsibility, but raising a child who would one day become the Savior of mankind…that’s on a whole different level. She didn’t see those changes as an endless abyss, but rather the green valley.

I’ve experienced ups and downs in my life. Some of those downs turned into ups and others were just things to endure for a time – not an endless abyss. I often wondered when I would reach the end of that down, but the end always came. In some cases, God had to bring me through a valley so that I could be a blessing to others in ways I wouldn’t have thought about had I not gone through that valley. Isn’t it great how God takes us choosing to be a blessing to others and uses that act to bless us as well? Other times (like the last 18 months), had we not gone through the valley, certain blessings would not have come our way. Like Joseph, God used the valley to have our paths cross with someone else who was able to help us out of the valley and back onto the mountain. God used many people over the last 18 months to make our trials seem more like a valley and less like an abyss. Had we not been through those trials, our paths likely would have never crossed. He used some of those people to shine a light so that we could see that the end was in sight. He used others to throw us a rope so that we could climb out of the valley.

Having Justin lose his legs was not a blessing in and of itself. That’s something that will be a daily physical struggle for him for the rest of his life (not that he lets it stop him from doing the things he loves, but it does make it more difficult). Being looked down on and likely called a liar and unfaithful wasn’t a blessing for Mary, and being betrayed wasn’t a blessing to Joseph. It’s how God is able to use those things that brings out the blessings. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” God has a purpose in the things my family has gone through, in what Mary went through, and what Joseph went through. Mary gave birth to Jesus and that brought a huge blessing to everyone who accepts that Gift. Joseph saved the lives of many during the famine. I don’t know what God’s purpose is for my life and Justin’s and how he ultimately will use our situation in the long run, but in the short term, He used it to provide us a new truck and a house, and He brought us back home. It was so nice when people asked how long we were in town for this time to be able to tell them that we’re home for good now. That by itself is a huge blessing, and I am thankful for it. As for the long term, our time at Walter Reed may be done and that chapter finished, but the next chapter has just begun and God only knows where it will take us.

Thanksgiving - part 4

Here’s the final part of my list…a day late, but it’s been a crazy week.

Part 1 - http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/11/thanksgiving-part-1.html

Part 2 - http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/11/thanksgiving-part-2.html

Part 3 - http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/11/thanksgiving-part-3.html

22)      I’m thankful that Justin and I made it down to Florida safely. This past Tuesday Justin and I said good-bye to Walter Reed for good (Corey has been in Florida for a few weeks already). It was hectic getting to that point with plenty of hoops to jump through, but we made it. Reality hasn’t quite set in that we’re home for good rather than just on vacation, but it will in time.

23)      I’m thankful for the time Justin was able to serve in the military. Knowing what he knows now, he wouldn’t have changed anything. He still would have joined the Army, still would have volunteered for his third deployment. I’m so proud of Justin and the job he’s done for the past nearly 9 years. It’s hard to believe that that chapter of his life – and our family’s life – is over.

24)      I’m thankful the gift of music. Music touches your heart in ways that spoken word can’t. There is a song to fit just about every situation or mood. I’m thankful that God has given me the ability to make music on my saxophone.

25)      I’m thankful for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It brings to mind time with family, great food, and an overall feeling of blessing and contentment. It’s one of the few holidays that doesn’t have a materialistic focus (which is probably why it is often skipped over and people go straight from Halloween to Christmas). It’s an uplifting holiday because people focus on blessings.

26)      I’m thankful for “Black Friday” shopping. I know it sounds funny to go from being thankful for a contentment type holiday to being thankful for shopping, but it’s true. For me, Black Friday isn’t about greed, it’s about finding the best deals so that I can stretch my dollars further in giving to the people I love. If I can get gifts for a cheaper price, I can afford to give them more. One of my favorite things about Christmas is seeing the look of surprise and happiness on someone’s face as they’re opening a gift that I gave them.

27)      I’m thankful for the little things in life that I used to take for granted that I now appreciate a lot more. Like getting groceries for example. At Walter Reed, it was quite an ordeal. I fought traffic to and from the store, got back to the complex, went through the gate security, called Justin to come downstairs, temporarily parked outside our building, unloaded the groceries onto a cart, parked the truck down the hill and across the street while Justin brought the cart to our 5th floor apartment, walked back across the street and up the hill to our building, took the elevator up to the 5th floor, unloaded the cart and put away the cold stuff, brought the cart back downstairs, went back up to our apartment, put away the rest of the groceries, and then collapsed from the whole ordeal and was too tired to cook any of the food that I had just purchased. And if I forgot something, it just would have to wait until the next week when I went to the store again. Now, I just pull into my driveway and unload the truck, put away the groceries and that’s the end of the story. If I forget something, there’s a grocery store less than 2 miles away. In Bethesda, a place less than 2 miles away could take 20 minutes but here, it takes 5. Life in a smaller city is so much simpler for me, and I’m thankful to be back in my comfort zone.

28)      I’m thankful that my son had a great birthday. Even with living in Germany, Georgia, and Maryland for all of Corey’s previous birthdays, we’ve always managed to work it out to spend Thanksgiving and Corey’s birthday in Florida with family. This year was extra special because we got to do more to celebrate. Justin and I gave Corey a swing set (which I’m thankful that my dad and brother-in-law assembled) and Justin’s side of the family chipped in and bought him a power wheel camo Jeep. He got some other nice presents, but those two are big ones that he couldn’t have before because we moved so much. Justin’s Granny and I took Corey to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch on his birthday and he had a great time. Then that evening, we went to my parents and they invited some friends over who have kids that Corey loves playing with. He played hard and slept great that night. Then the day after his actual birthday, we had our traditional family party to celebrate both Corey and my niece’s birthdays. (She’s 9 days older than Corey. We normally celebrate my nephew’s birthday as well, but he was sick.) It was a busy, fun-filled couple days, and it made my heart happy to see him having such a great time.

29)      I’m thankful for digital photography. I love taking pictures to capture memories. I’m not so young that I have only ever known digital pictures. I remember having to save up money to buy film for my camera. I had to be careful not to take too many pictures on the first day of a trip or I wouldn’t have enough film left on the last day. Then I had to get them developed. It was always a toss-up between paying more for the 1 hour or having to wait a few days to see if my pictures turned out. Now I can take as many pictures as I want, delete the ones that are blurry, and share pictures with friends and family with a few clicks of my mouse. And when you’re taking pictures of young kids, having that instant feedback on the screen is so helpful so you can make sure you got at least one good shot where everyone was looking and smiling.

30)      I’m thankful for my life. It hasn’t always been perfect and doesn’t always go according to my plans and desires, but I am blessed. I’ve learned many lessons through the difficult times. Even when times were tough, it wasn’t all bad. The past 18 months were rough, but I have so many good memories too. I hope that the memories of the difficult parts fade and all that’s left to remember is the laughter and the fun, the good people and the great times. I’m excited to see what new things will be on my thankful list in 2015.