On This Day

On this Day

Facebook has a somewhat new feature, or at least I only discovered it recently called “On This Day”. This feature looks back at your newsfeed from the time you joined facebook and shows all the posts that occurred on this day in previous years. It’s interesting to look back and see events from the past nearly 10 years. I can also look back in my chat and see messages from years back if I haven’t deleted them. For instance, on this day 2 years ago, I was chatting with Justin while he was deployed. He had recently been on a mission and had injured his arm. It was a minor injury, so it didn’t keep him from doing his job. He couldn’t talk for very long because he had to help plan an upcoming mission. Before he signed off, here’s one of the things I told him “please don't injure yourself on it”. The next conversation I had with him was about a day and a half later when he called to tell me that he’d lost both legs. Two years ago, on this day, our lives were relatively normal…at least as normal as life during a deployment ever is. Corey had started tee-ball, and we were involved in our church in Georgia. Justin was doing the normal infantry thing which he loved. Then came June 9, 2013 when life as we knew it ceased to exist.

One year ago today, we spent the day at a Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing tournament. (http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/06/one-year-update-and-our-weekend-trip.html) This was the first time Justin had been fishing STANDING since he was injured. He had only had both legs for several weeks, so standing to fish was a pretty big deal. We were still living on the Walter Reed complex with no clue when our time there would be finished. Days like this one where Justin fished, I took pictures and relaxed by the water, and Corey got to run around and be a normal kid were what kept us sane. The approximately 18 months that we spent at Walter Reed were very difficult times for us. We made some awesome friends and great memories, but we are very glad to have that chapter closed.

Now here we are today, about 36 hours away from the time that Justin called me to tell me about his injuries two years ago. Life now is very different from life then. Somethings are better, others worse, but overall, life is good. God is good. The other day, I was walking my dog and thinking about life. I hate that Justin was injured, and I hate that he struggles to find a balance between living life to the fullest and adequately resting his legs. But I love our life. Life always has struggles even under the best circumstances. Nobody has a perfect life, and my family is no different. Struggles make the road bumpier, but they don’t stop you from enjoying the view while you’re on the road. You just have to look up and not focus on the bumps. For a long time, I considered June 9, 2013 as the end of something, but while on my walk with my dog, I realized something important. June 9^th was also the beginning of something quite different. Yes, sometimes I miss the way things used to be, but then I look around and see everything I have (not just physical possessions) that would not have been had Justin not been injured. I’m sitting in my house knowing that I won’t have to move again unless for some reason we choose to move (which I don’t see happening). On the couch a few feet away is my husband who I’m thankful is alive and because of his injuries, we’ve spent more hours together in the past two years than probably in the rest of our relationship combined. He no longer has to miss birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays due to trainings, duties, or deployments. Across the room, sleeping on the loveseat, is our dog, Rufus. Two things I didn’t want while Justin was still in the Army were to buy a house and have a pet. Both made moving more difficult, and one thing you could count on in the Army was that you couldn’t count on staying in the same place. Now here we are, homeowners with a dog. Then there’s Corey who is currently asleep in his room. He is able to put roots down for the first time in his life. He’s getting to grow up surrounded by family, both from my side and Justin’s. He’s getting to grow up in the church I grew up in and form friendships that, hopefully like some of mine, will last his lifetime. We’ve made so many great memories since we’ve moved back home about 6 months ago. When I think about it, my heart is so full of gratitude. No, the way things happened to get us to this point weren’t ideal, especially for Justin physically, but we are enjoying this new chapter of our lives.

At my retreat last weekend, in one of the sessions, the lady said something that stuck with me. To paraphrase, depressions happens when you focus too much on the past and anxiety when you focus too much on the future. Sometimes you need to let both go and focus on the present. I’d also like to add under the depression part that you shouldn’t focus on dreams or plans for the future that you had in the past before life changed. Another addition would be not just to focus on the present, but also eternity. Sometimes the future can be scary, but the future in this life is just a blip compared to eternity. Sometimes it makes me sad when I think about how different reality is from what my past dreams for my future were, and sometimes I get anxious thinking about life when both Justin and I are old and he requires more care than he does now. Then I look around at the present and count my blessings. I look back and see how God has helped me through the past couple years and the lessons He’s taught me. Then I can look ahead, and the future doesn’t seem quite as scary because I know God will be walking beside us through it.

This morning in Sunday school, my brother-in-law, Matt, was teaching again. He was talking about the importance of always being ready with a testimony of what God has done in your life. He didn’t read this verse, I think it fits with his lesson perfectly. I Peter 3:15 says, “but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear”. Throughout my blog, if you read through the posts, I’ve talked about our struggles, our triumphs, our fun times, and our blessings. I’ve shared from my heart lessons that I’ve learned. I’ve also tried to share, in some blogs more than others, the reason for the hope that is in me. Some people try to be comforting saying that God never gives you more than you can handle. I disagree, I’ve been given more than I can handle on my own at times. I prefer the phase that God will not bring you to something that He won’t bring you through. He has given me strength and comfort when I was weak. He has healed Justin so that he can enjoy life. He gave us friends and brought organizations into our lives that has made this time of transition and finding the “new normal” easier. He holds our future in His hands and will be beside us every step of the way. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” In a nutshell, this is my testimony: God has carried me in the past, He is blessing me in the present during this time of rest, and He has given me a hopeful future, even with the struggles. These are the thoughts on my heart as we approach Justin’s 2^nd Alive Day. I pray that on this day next year, I can tell about many more adventures, times of joy, great memories, and for Justin, many more fish caught since that’s been his favorite retirement activity. Thank you all for sharing this journey with us and praying for us along the way!