Save our Vets

A few weeks ago, Michelle Obama, various celebrities, and people all over the internet were hashtagging (is that even a word?) to bring attention to the Nigerian girls that were kidnapped by an evil man. First of all, putting a pound sign (aka hashtag) in front of a catchy phrase does not solve any of the world’s problems. Neither does “tweeting” about it. You cannot replace foreign or domestic policy and action with social media. Period. That aside, what happened and is currently happening to those girls is horrible. It needs to be addressed and those girls need to be reunited with their families. The kidnappers need to be punished. You’d think the Nigerian government would be concerned about it. If something like that happened in our country, local police, state police, FBI, and various other law enforcement agencies would get involved and do everything in their power to free the children. See how many Americans got involved via social media? Americans care about children.

That brings me to the main point of what I’m writing tonight. Where is the social media outrage about the horrible care our nation’s veterans are receiving? Where is Michelle Obama’s hashtag? Where’s the catchy phrase people post all over to bring attention to this huge problem? I guess #saveourvetsfromgovernmentrunhealthcare isn’t quite as catchy. How about #eliminatesecretwaitinglists or #fixtheVAbacklog? How many veterans have to die while awaiting medical care before people take notice?

Men and women have sacrificed so much in service to our country. For some wars, they didn’t even have a choice whether they wanted to serve or not. Their number was called, and they went to war. Others have volunteered to protect our country since its founding. Our post-9/11 wars were made up completely of volunteers. Regardless of the reasons for joining and whether they were volunteers or drafted, they made sacrifices. Serving in the military is not always kind to the service member’s body. Even before losing his legs, Justin’s body had taken a beating. The heavy gear often causes compression of the spine. Somehow, he managed to get a fracture in his back that he was unaware of until he was at Walter Reed. It had already started to heal, so it was prior to the blast that took his legs. It would take me a while to list all of the injuries he’s sustained…and that’s just prior to June 9, 2013. And that’s considered normal for someone in his occupation. Now, take the beat up body of a 20-something soldier and add 40 years to it. Add in some of the normal problems that come with aging (though many started having these problems like hearing loss at a much younger age) and in the veteran population, there’s probably quite a few who get cancer of some sort. With a lot of medical conditions, early detection and treatment have a HUGE impact on survival rates. Now throw in secret waiting lists and backlogs and we’ve got a problem. No accountability because the people our veterans have entrusted their medical care to are the ones hiding the fact there even was a problem. These men and women deserve so much better. They have made so many sacrifices already. Should they be expected to sacrifice their lives because of a waiting list that nobody can see?

Justin is still active duty and is not yet in the VA system. Honestly, the thought of him being subjected to all this scares me. Recently, he spoke with a fellow amputee who drove about 18 hours to come to Walter Reed because the VA in his area wasn’t taking care of his needs. He is out of the military now and was having trouble getting a new prosthetic that he needed. Thankfully he had the option of coming to Walter Reed, but what if he couldn’t have afforded the trip? What if he was physically unable to drive so far? The VA system let him down. Fortunately for him, it wasn’t a life threatening issue, but it certainly effected his daily living. What will it be like for Justin when he’s no longer active duty? I hope and pray that they get things fixed before he has to deal with it.

The people who caused this tragic mess need to be held accountable. Eric Shinseki, former head of the VA, resigned today after politicians on both sides and veteran groups called for it for weeks. People lost faith in his ability to fix the problems that happened under his watch. His resignation does not fix the problems and he should not be the only one that loses a job over it. They investigation is looking into how widespread this issue is, and the deeper they look into it, the worse it gets. This should be cause for a public outrage. The majority of the people I know either have served/are serving in the military or have a family member who has served/is serving. I was homeschooled and my homeschool group had 8 of us who graduated together. Of those 8, 4 joined various branches of the military, and 2 of us married service members. Both of my grandfathers served. With having so many friends and family members who are veterans, this is a subject I am very passionate about. Our service members deserve the best. Everyone from the person at the VA call center who scheduled appointments all the way to the top need to be held accountable for their actions which led to the deaths of too many veterans – and by too many I say that one is one too many. Politicians need to set aside their difference, stop pointing fingers at each other, and fix the problem. This isn’t just an issue for politicians, this is an issue that has a personal impact on Americans as a whole. Our military serves and protects our country. What happens when people stop volunteering to serve because they don’t want to be left to die on a never ending waiting list? Let’s not let our country let down those who have served and sacrificed!

What is a Hero?

What is a hero? In today’s society, you’ll likely find a different answer to this question for each person you ask. (My 4 year old) Corey’s answer is, “It’s a guy who saves people.” When I asked him if he could name some heroes, he didn’t answer, so I asked him if specific professions were heroes. I asked him if football players were heroes and he answered “no.” I asked him about basketball players and once again, his answer was, “no.” I asked him about soldiers and his answer was, “yes! My daddy is a hero!” Then I asked him if Superman was a hero, and his answer was, “yes.”

I think we can all agree that comic book characters with special powers that they use to save the world in every situation could be considered heroes of a fictitious variety. But who are the real life heroes? The media has lauded Jason Collins as a hero for being the first openly gay professional athlete. Collins even received a phone call from President Obama to congratulate him on his bravery for “coming out”. Then there’s Michael Sam who declared that he was gay to the sports world shortly before the NFL draft and then became the first openly gay athlete to be drafted to a professional sports team. Does declaring one’s sexual preference make him/her a hero? I personally don’t think so. If so, let me declare that I am straight and I’ll proudly post a picture of myself kissing Justin. That doesn’t make me a hero. To be fair, let me swing to the right side and ask, does Tim Tebow’s open declarations regarding his faith make him a hero? I don’t think it does. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Tim Tebow fan since his days playing for University of Florida. I respect the stand he makes for God, and if I had to pick a professional athlete to point to my son as someone to look up to and have as a role model, I’d pick Tebow, BUT a role model is very different from a hero.

Some might say that President Obama is a hero because he is the first African American president of the United States. I would disagree. The position of President of the United States is to be respected regardless of skin color. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” I personal agree. A person should not be judged, whether for good or bad, by the color of their skin. I will not call someone a hero because his skin is darker than mine. I will also not call someone a hero because his skin is similar to mine. Skin color does not define a person, so I will not use it as a criterion to determine hero status or criminal status. There are good and bad people of all skin colors. The same could be said of gender. Being a woman in a male dominated field doesn’t make her a hero. Being a woman doesn’t make her any better or worse of a person than a man.

Being the first to do something doesn’t make one a hero either. It’s the action itself that is the determining factor. Is being gay a heroic thing? No. Is being a Christian a heroic thing? No. Is being a professional athlete a heroic thing? No. Is being the President a heroic thing? No. Is being a woman a heroic thing? No. It’s what people in those (and other) categories DO that can be deemed as heroic, not a single aspect of who they are. I think it’s an insult to true heroes to say otherwise. And no, I’m not talking about the type that fly around wearing capes.

If you want to see true heroes, go to a homecoming ceremony at your closest military post/base. I guarantee you’ll see a field or gymnasium full of them. Some may have done more heroic deeds than others, but all of them made sacrifices for the good of our country. Visit your local police precinct or fire station. These men and women don’t just work 9-5 and then clock out. They have people working around the clock to keep us safe. Most can’t just leave their work at the office. They are on call in case of trouble. Go to a hospital and you’ll see doctors and nurses who through medical advancements save lives daily – especially those in military field hospitals and emergency rooms where they see some of the worst injuries and are the first to treat them. And speaking of hospitals, come to Walter Reed. You can’t go very far without seeing heroes. They arrive here with broken bodies on top of the everyday sacrifices they have made serving in the military, but most don’t let that keep them down. Watch them in physical therapy struggling to find their “new normal”. Their perseverance and drive is amazing to watch. What many would see as a disability, they see as a challenge to overcome. And they have an amazing support system of family members, friends, therapists, and non-profits to help find creative ways to work around their physical limitations. To find another group of heroes, visit a military cemetery like Arlington. These heroes will not be able to tell you their stories. They are the ones that paid the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country. I’m sure I left some people out, but you get my point. Heroism isn’t what is done on a sports field or court. It’s definitely not what’s done in the bedroom and with whom it’s being done. It isn’t words said from behind a microphone. It’s actions done by people who make sacrifices, save people’s lives, protect, and serve.

Memorial Day

When I was a kid, I didn't grasp the significance of Memorial Day. For me, it was a day off school that signified that summer was just around the corner...and usually meant a trip to the beach followed by my first sunburn of the season. As I got older, I learned that Memorial Day was to honor the brave men and women who have served our country and paid the ultimate sacrifice, but until Justin deployed the first time, these were just names and faces with no personal significance to my life. On the day Justin deployed for the first time, a couple of the other ladies were talking and wondering which of the guys that they had hung out with and been around at parties wouldn't be coming home and hoping desperately that it wouldn't be their loved ones. Justin lost people he knew during all of his deployments. During this deployment, Justin came close to being one of those that gave all - instead, he just gave his legs. A big sacrifice, but I'm thankful to be celebrating his "alive day" in just a few weeks rather than visiting his grave on Memorial Day. Please remember the families of those who gave their lives - for the ones lost during a recent deployment, their pain is still fresh, for others the pain is dulled, but there will always be a hole that their loved one used to fill.

The widow of a soldier from Ft. Stewart with her husband's (Sgt. Stefen Smith) remains. Freedom is not free.

The New Normal - First Flight Post-Injury

Here is a piece I wrote for the Operation Ward 57 blog. http://www.operationward57.org/2014/05/first-flight-post-injury/

About six months after Justin was injured, he was booked for a hunting trip in south Texas. This was his first time flying commercially since he lost his legs. We had both heard news stories and read articles regarding poor treatment of passengers with special needs by the TSA, and had some concerns. Justin had just started walking with one leg before the trip and was still waiting for his other leg to heal. There was no way he could safely walk through the security scanners. He also had to bring along a cooler with ice packs and his IV infusion medication, and I was worried that they would puncture them or try to make us throw them away. And those were just the top things on my list of concerns with flying.

I checked the websites for the airline and the TSA in search of disability accommodations. Both had contact numbers to call, so I did. I explained that my husband was a wounded warrior and told them about his physical limitations and needed medications. Both the TSA and airline were extremely helpful on the phone, but I still had my doubts regarding how my husband would be treated and how his physical limitations would be handled.

The day before our trip, I was contacted by the TSA agent at our departure airport. He explained how things would work and asked what time we planned to arrive at the airport. He also called the morning of our trip to confirm what time we would arrive and how many checked bags we would be bringing. When we got to the airport, he was waiting at the curb for us. He had our boarding passes printed and the tag for our checked bag. He checked our bag and helped carry our carry-on bags. Since we were early for our flight, he brought us up to the lounge to wait until closer to boarding time. He then brought us to the front of the security check point. The agents treated Justin with the utmost respect and both he and his medication made it through with no problems.

At our layover, we were met by another TSA agent who brought us from our arriving gate to our departure gate. As we boarded our next flight, we found that the airline had upgraded us to first class! We had seats on the first row of the plane! Aside from the perks of being first class, being so close to the front made it easier for Justin to get into his seat, and he had easier access to the restroom. This was an unexpected blessing.

When we arrived at our final destination, we were met by another TSA agent who assisted us with our baggage, stayed with us while we waited for our checked bag, and helped us out to the car. She gave me her phone number and informed us that she would be assisting us for our return flight and to call her if we had any questions and to let her know when we expected to arrive at the airport.

For the return flight, we had several people from our trip who were on our first flight. One of the men was paralyzed and in a wheelchair and another was a double amputee who was on prosthetics. Neither had thought to contact the TSA and had a more difficult time going to Texas. Since they were with us for their return flights, they had a much easier time going through security and to the gate.

Calling the airline ahead helped insure that an aisle wheelchair was waiting at the gates to assist in board and leaving the planes since Justin’s normal wheelchair is too wide to fit down the aisles. I am so thankful that the TSA made our air travel so much easier than I had anticipated. Having the help to get through security and the extra set of hands to help me with the luggage was such a relief. I will definitely be calling them ahead of any future commercial air travel because their assistance was invaluable. I cannot think of anything more that the TSA or the airline could have done to improve our travel experience.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

I have never appreciated my mom so much as I have in the past year. She is one of the most selfless and giving people that I know. She has always been there when I needed her even if it meant flying to a different country to be there for the birth of my son. In fact, she’s been there for the birth of every grandchild of hers regardless of what state or country the little one was born in. When I needed her the most, on the day that Justin was injured, she and dad dropped everything to come be and Corey and me. They waited anxiously with me for word on Justin’s condition. They stayed at my house an extra day so that they could take Corey to his first and only tee-ball game. They took Corey home with them and have cared for him for many weeks over the past year while I focused on caring for Justin. Even after my grandparents moved in with my parents so that mom could help take care of my Grandma, my mom still agreed to let Corey stay with them for a few weeks while Justin was inpatient for another surgery. She agreed with no hesitation even though I hated to ask because I knew it would put more on her already busy plate. I appreciate and love her more than I could ever begin to tell her. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

I would also like to wish my Mother-in-law a happy Mother's Day! She raised three boys and is still raising their daughter...and they didn't always make it easy. lol She started young with having children, but finished school, got a college degree, and had a career as a respiratory therapist. She gave up that career to spend more time with her kids and eventually homeschooled Regan. Corey loves his Mamaw very much and spent a lot of time with her when he came up for a couple weeks while Justin was initially inpatient. I am thankful that Corey was able to come up during that difficult time and thankful that I had help with him.

I also want to recognize the amazing moms here at Walter Reed. The first are the moms caring for their adult sons and daughters. They thought they were done with the day to day care, but then something happened that changed that. For some it was during a deployment, for others it was during training, or automobile accidents. Whatever the reason, they left behind their lives and came here. Some were only here while their son or daughter was inpatient, others have stayed until someone else was able to come take over, and others will be here until their son or daughter leaves Walter Reed. They have left behind spouses, other children who still live at home, careers, pets, and friends. They have sacrificed their own “normal” to help their son or daughter find their “new normal”. The second type is the spouse of the wounded warrior who is both caring for her husband while raising their children. Falling in this second type, I can tell you, it’s a tough job. It’s a balancing act trying to give both Justin and Corey the care they deserve. Thankfully Justin is getting to a point where he’s fairly independent, but it’s been a long road to get to this point. The most difficult times have been when he’s inpatient. Corey does not like hospitals. It scares him to see Justin in pain and a small hospital room isn’t the type place that an active little boy like Corey enjoys being for very long (or at all). I’m so thankful for Justin’s Granny who has come when we called to help with Corey during these times. She’s made juggling my priorities so much easier. She’s cared for Corey while I spent time with Justin, and she spent time with Justin while I hung out with Corey when he just needed his mommy.

Another group of moms that I want to thank are the mothers who choose to love someone else’s children. These could be foster moms, adoptive moms, and step-moms. For some it’s stepping in and raising family members when the parents had passed away or were unable to care for the children. Others have felt the call to foster. They come to love these children and it breaks their heart to have to give them up not knowing if they’ll ever see the child again. Others choose to grow their families by adoption (some of these adoptions started out as fostering). These mothers choose to love their adopted children. For some kids, their adoptive parents are the only parents they’ve ever known. Other kids are adopted a bit older and come with baggage. It’s amazing for me to watch from the outside and see the transformation that occurs from the time the child is first adopted and how they grow and thrive with the love of their new mother (and father). For others it’s when one or both parents already have children from previous relationships when they marry. The step-parent does not take the place of the biological parent (in most cases, though in some the step-parent treats the child better than the bio parent), but comes to love the children because they love the person they married. It’s easy to love a child that is your own. For most, it comes naturally. I don’t have to force myself to love my son. I love him, if for no other reason, because he is my son. The types of mothers I just mentioned choose to love the children that they have brought into their lives. They have given these children a priceless gift, and in many cases, this love has changed their lives. I pray that God will bless them greatly for the blessing they have brought to the lives of these children.

I’d like to ask for prayer for those who are missing their moms today. Some have just lost them in the past year and the pain of the loss is still fresh. Prayers also for the mothers who have lost children…even if they never were able to hold the precious little one in their arms. A special prayer also for those who desperately want to be a mother, but for whatever reason, are not able at this time. Love them, listen if they need to talk, don’t try to “fix” their problems, and if you don’t know what to say, just hug them and let them know you care.

For all my friends and family members who are mothers, happy Mother’s Day!

11 month update

Today marks 11 months since Justin was injured. This past month has been a busy one. We started it out still on convalescent leave in Florida. It was a great time to get away, spend time in the sunshine, and get together with family and friends. Justin’s left leg continued to heal and the swelling from his surgery started to go down. When we got back to Walter Reed, wound care checked it out and were happy with how it was looking. A week after we got back, Justin participated in a fly fishing tournament with Project Healing Waters where he and his teammate placed 3rd. Two of Justin’s buddies from the Walter Reed chapter were on the team that placed 1st. It was a fun weekend all around, and we enjoyed the beautiful weather and spending time with some awesome people. He got back and looked in the mirror and remarked that he was starting to look more like himself again. That was the first time he’s said that since he was injured. It’s amazing what relaxation, time on the water, and a little sun can do to help a person feel better. The following weekend, we went to Sharptown for Justin to try to get a turkey. The turkeys must have heard that he was coming because they all were hiding. After an unsuccessful morning of hunting, the guys went fishing and Corey reeled in some nice sized catfish. I ran some (kid free) errands with Kim. It was a nice, relaxing weekend. So thankful for our friends in Sharptown who always make us feel welcome when we come to visit.

Another big step Justin made over the past month was getting off his painkillers. With the recent surgery, we were concerned that he’d be taking a few steps backward with pain management, but in fact, it ended up helping him. The doctors switched him from the pain med that he was on to a different one. They did it in such a way that he didn’t experience the withdraw symptoms. With the new med, he took as little of it as possible while keeping the pain under control. He needed so little that he was able to completely stop taking it without any problems. Now he’s down to just nerve med once a day and a few vitamins. HUGE progress! Because of being off the pain meds, he’s feeling so much better. He’s been hitting the gym most mornings before PT and OT. It’s so great to see him feeling so much better. Our friends at the tournament who hadn’t seen him since December comment at how much better he looked, and our friends in Sharptown who saw him a few days after he was released from the hospital last month saw how much better he looked in just a short time.

This week has been busy for Justin with his therapy. He asked wound care if he could start walking sooner than the original timeframe. They agreed that his leg was looking good enough that he could as long as he was careful and didn’t overdo. His leg was re-casted since it had changed shape a bit since those two weeks he had it before. His physical therapist has been very careful to make sure he doesn’t mess up his leg. Hopefully there won’t be any more setbacks and he can just keep progressing toward the “new normal”. Please pray that his legs continue to heal and grow stronger.

 Once again, I want to say how thankful I am for the non-profit organizations and the people who work for/volunteer with them. I try to focus mostly on the positive things because there’s already so much negativity in this world, but this life we’re living now can be downright hard sometimes. Sometimes it’s a constant battle with people who try to make things more difficult for us, likely not out of spite but out of ignorance for our needs…and in some cases out of laziness and not taking the time to do their jobs. In the midst of the stress of dealing with Justin’s injuries and the frustration with other things around here, the non-profits come in and can really turn things around. It’s not just the main purpose of the various non-profits, but the relationships they build with us. Project Healing Waters is a fishing organization, but it’s so much more. It’s about the people who give of their time to come to Walter Reed or take the wounded off the complex and help them relax and encourage them. They truly care about Justin and his progress and they’ve been there for him since we first met them. Heroes Haven started out as a hunting trip which Justin enjoyed, but the biggest blessing for us is the friendships that we’ve built and knowing that getting a break from Walter Reed is just a phone call away. Sharptown truly has become our haven when we need to get away. The people there have made us part of their family, and while the hunting is something Justin enjoys, it’s so much more. The America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund help with financial assistance for families, but they do so much more. They also care for the caregivers and treat us to dinner every month. They give us a much needed break and give us a chance to unwind and get to know each other away from the hospital complex. They also have become our friends and encourage us along this difficult journey. Operation Ward 57 realized that building 62 is a bit lacking for kitchen furnishings and filled the gap with small appliances that aren’t always necessary but do make life easier. They keep track of the soldiers’ progress and regularly share in the celebration of “Alive Days” (what they call the anniversary of the injury – the day they almost died but didn’t) which are celebrated more than birthdays around here. The Wounded Warrior Project has a mentorship program that Justin recently has joined. A Vietnam veteran came over to talk with Justin and will be helping him work through some of the confusing aspects of things here. He was in the Army and was an infantryman. Like Justin, he hunted when he was younger and still enjoys fishing. He gave Justin some really good suggestions and will be following up on our questions. I think he will be a big help since he’s been there and has two Purple Hearts to show for it. He’s also mentored several before, so he’s got a good idea on how things are now. This is just a small part of what these organizations do, and just several examples from the groups that have helped us out just in the last month. There are so many more, and they all care. They fill the gaps where the hospital complex, the military, and the government are lacking. Many have been there with us from the beginning of this journey and others have joined us along the way. They share in our successes and help us and encourage us when there are setbacks. Every wounded warrior and every caregiver has a different (though sometimes similar) story, and each has been helped differently and by different non-profits, but I think they would all stand with me in saying how thankful we are for them and the work they do to make our lives easier.

the Walter Reed crew