Thursday, September 25, 2014

Ladies Night Out - a Much Needed Break for Caregivers

When Justin deployed the first time, we were engaged. I was in my hometown and surrounded by friends, but sometimes I felt very alone because none of the people I was regularly around really understood what I was going through. Some very sweet, well-meaning people said some things that really bothered me at times. I knew they didn’t mean any harm, but it just showed how clueless they were. I still love them and am thankful for the friendships and the support they’ve shown me over the years. Just because they didn’t really understand doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends. They probably went through plenty of things that I had no clue about.

During Justin’s second deployment, I was scared. I knew I would be in a foreign country raising a baby on my own. Once the soldiers deployed, I formed a close bond with some of the other wives. We were going through the same (or similar) circumstances and understood each other. We helped each other get through a year without our husbands. I missed my friends and family back home, but my Army wife friends became like family to me. It was very different from the first deployment, but I learned so much from both.

As you probably know by now, Justin’s third deployment was nothing like I expected it to be. I had the best of both worlds for this one. I lived close enough to family that I could visit often. I also had Army wife friends nearby (though not quite the walking distance close as in Germany). This was our third time around, and I figured it would be similar to the other two, except shorter. Little did I know how much shorter it would end up being. Now I find myself in a very different, strange situation. With three deployments and after meeting quite a few soldiers and their families, I had never been friends and had never met anyone who was seriously injured in combat. Since Justin was injured, I’ve had to learn a new language (medical terms specific to amputees and various medication) and a new set of skills with caring for Justin and his increased needs. Seriously, the military needs to get with it. I deserve some sort of certificate for all my new knowledge and skills. Lol I’ve even given injections (much to Justin’s dismay).

I say all that as to background for the main point of this post. A couple nights ago, I attended my third ladies night out sponsored by the America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund. Some of the wonderful ladies involved in this organization come over to Walter Reed, pick us up, drive us to the restaurant, treat us to a relaxing evening of food and fun, and then return us to Walter Reed. It’s more than just a dinner though. It’s a chance to connect with ladies who are going through similar circumstances. It’s hard to socialize during the week with appointments and in many cases, caring for both a spouse and kid(s) (or if the caregiver is a mother, their son/daughter and possibly grandkid), and weekends are hit and miss as well. These nights out are rare opportunities for the spouses, mothers, sisters, friends, etc. who have dropped everything to care for a loved one to leave the responsibilities and stresses behind and just be ourselves. We swap stories and understand the emotions that came when we got that call saying that our loved one was injured in ways that I pray that other people I know will never understand firsthand. At my table this time, there was one mother whose son was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident (other driver was at fault), a woman who is here to help her sister-in-law, and two of us who are here to help our husbands recover while raising a child. Every woman in the room had a story as to what events brought them here, but all of us are here because we love someone who needs our help. Some are due to injury and others have various medical conditions that need someone to help around the house and with appointments. All are here because they care for someone in the military even if the person wasn’t combat wounded. So many of the organizations and events are specifically for the service member with family as an add on. It’s really nice and means a lot to have a night specifically to address a real need for caregivers – a break. I love my husband and son with all my heart, but sometimes I need some time away from them and that’s hard to do in a tiny little apartment around each other all day every day. I always get back from these events feeling refreshed, very full from the delicious food, and excited for the next one. I spent the evening laughing and enjoying great company. Some of the conversations are serious as our situations are serious, but far more laughs through the course of the night. I probably speak for all the ladies who attend these dinners in saying that the night goes by way too quickly and we always hate to see it come to an end.


Ladies night out is just one of the many ways that the America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund step up to help not just the injured service members, but their families as well. (Semper Fi Fund is the main program to help injured Marines, and more recently they started a sub-program called the America’s Fund to help all service members regardless of the branch.) They helped us buy a truck to be adapted so that Justin could drive it with hand controls (our other vehicles have over 100,000 miles, so we needed something reliable that would last to help Justin). They’ve helped with expenses for various family members come up to visit which has been a huge help to us when Justin’s had to be inpatient and we needed help with Corey. Someone from their organization is at the hospital every day during the week visiting the rooms of the ones that are inpatient to encourage them and make sure their needs and the needs of their families are met, and that doesn’t stop when they are discharged. They cheer with us when good things happen, when goals are achieved, and they encourage us when there are setbacks. If I were asked to name the non-profits that have helped us the most over the past year (not just financially, but the whole picture), the America’s Fund would be in the top 3…and those top 3 are in a three way tie. Each has helped us in very different ways and it would be difficult to rate them because they’re all so awesome. I will always be grateful for these organizations and the people that take a hands-on approach to helping our nation’s wounded veterans. I pray that these awesome people in these organizations are blessed for the many ways they have been a blessing to my family and other families at Walter Reed and other military medical facilities all over the country.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Kindness, Encouragement, and Fudge

Have you ever had one of those days (or one of those weeks) where it seems like everything is going wrong? The kids are acting up and the smallest things just seem to get to you. Then you go out to the mailbox to find a surprise card from a friend just saying they’re thinking about you. Or maybe it’s a kind message in your inbox or a telephone call. Whatever the method, sometimes just that little something is what you needed to help turn your day around.

Over the past year, my family and I have been the recipient of a lot of love and encouragement from friends, family, non-profit organizations, and even strangers. Dealing with everything on my plate can get discouraging at times. The light at the end of this tunnel has seemed so far away that I could barely see it. I’ve cried many tears, but not all of them have been of frustration or sadness. Some of those tears have been tears of joy and tears that come from a heart that is overwhelmed by the kindness shown to us. Sometimes it’s something small but special like a handmade card from my great-aunt who I haven’t seen in many years. Other things are big and a bit overwhelming like being given a house or being given assistance from a non-profit to help us purchase the truck Justin’s always dreamed of having. Sometimes it’s going out to eat (usually at Cracker Barrel when this happens) and asking for the check only to find that another person there, or sometimes the serving staff, has already paid our bill. Other time it’s just a note in my inbox telling me that a friend or even someone I’ve never met has been praying for us every day. Sometimes it’s a postcard or package in the mail for Corey because they care about him and want to encourage him as the past year has been difficult for him too. Few things warm a mother’s heart like someone doing something nice for her child. Those are just a handful of ways we’ve been shown kindness over the past year. It would take me hours to tell of every act of kindness that has come our way, but each one has been appreciated.

Thinking about the kindness we’ve received made me think about how I have (or haven’t) shown kindness to others. Like most people, I’ve got plenty of room for improvement. I’m not always as gracious as I should be. I don’t always go out of my way to help others when I can. I do try though. I won’t list all the ways that I show kindness because I don’t do it for recognition or for show. I truly do enjoy helping people for the most part. I like knowing that something I did put a smile on someone’s face. I enjoy showing appreciation to people who deserve it. I will say that if the author of the “5 Love Languages” book decides to update his book to add chocolate as a 6th language, that will definitely be my primary both for giving and receiving. Lol Ever since I learned how to make homemade fudge, it has been my go-to gift. Whether it’s a Christmas present, thank you gift, get well, cheer up, congrats, or just because, fudge can fit the occasion (for those who don’t have health issues preventing them from eating fudge anyway). It’s not a big thing and doesn’t cost that much. The effort on my part to make it isn’t all that much either, but sometimes people just need a little pick-me-up and I know that if someone were to give me fudge (or any sort of chocolate), they’d be my best friend forever. And really, sometimes it isn’t what you do or give, but it’s the fact that you cared enough to want to do something for someone that can really make a difference.

I say all that not to say “hey, maybe you should send Beth some chocolate” or “send Beth a nice message” (though those are always appreciate), but to encourage you to encourage others. Be kind to those around you. You never know how much your smile, your act of kindness, or your words will mean to someone. If you know a new mother, don’t ask her to call you if she needs anything because unless you’re family or a friend who’s like family, she probably won’t. Ask if you can do something specific like bring her a meal. Send a gift card for a pizza place so she can have the option when she needs a break. Put yourself in the person’s shoes and think of what would be the most helpful or mean the most to you if you were in their situation. And most importantly, pray for each other. My son asked me to take a picture of him and put it as the background on my computer. I told him that I wanted to keep my background the same as it already is – a picture of Justin and his platoon that was taken a month or two before he was injured. Why this picture? Partially because it reminds me of a time when our life was still normal (well, as normal as a military family with one part of the family deployed could be anyway). The bigger part is because seeing the picture of the guys in his platoon reminds me to pray for them. Those are the men who are responsible for Justin still being alive today, and I often pray that God will bless them and their families. I pray that they aren’t haunted by what happened on the mountain on June 9th, but that they’re encouraged by how great Justin has done since that day and to know that they played a role in that by getting him safely down the mountain.


My challenge to you is to find someone in your circle of friends and family who needs some encouragement and do something nice to help put a smile back on their face. Also, put them on your prayer list (if you pray) and ask God to help them through whatever situation they’re going through. There’s so much negative in the world today, and it’s nice to see people being that ray of much needed sunshine to those around them.

(16.5 lb of fudge said "thank you", "cheer up", and "thinking of you" all at the same time...and sadly, that's an old picture. I don't currently have that much fudge in my fridge lol)

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My thoughts on September 11th

Today is September 11th. It’s been 13 years since hijackers flew planes into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. 13 years since some brave passengers overtook the hijackers in a 4th plane and caused it to crash into a field rather than a building. America was wondering if there were any more attacks coming. President George W. Bush had some tough decisions to make as to how to make our country more secure so that something like this would never happen again and as to what our country’s reaction would be. It wasn’t long before war was declared on al-Qaeda and we had boots on the ground in Afghanistan. Since September 11, 2001, there have been no attacks on our soil by foreign terrorists. Right now our country faces additional threats from ISIS and an unsecure border between the United States and Mexico.

A big part in why our country hasn’t been attacked is because of our military. We’ve lost many brave men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’ve had many injured. They stepped up did what so many are unwilling or unable to do – they have defended our country. Most came back alive and uninjured, but none of them came back the same as they left. Many left as boys/girls (yes, 18-19 years old may be an adult, but it far from having reached maturity) and came back as men/women. They made sacrifices, and the majority that I know would do it again and have volunteered for multiple deployments. Even knowing what he knows now and having been injured seriously, my husband would go back in a heartbeat if he could.

I read an article yesterday about an Army Lt. Colonel who was trying to meet with someone at his daughter’s school. He happened to be wearing his uniform (not unusual since it was during the week and he likely had to head back into work as soon as the meeting was concluded), and the security guard would not allow him to enter the school due to the uniform because another student might find it offensive. Offensive? I’m offended that such a statement would be made. According to the reports I’ve read, this was not the school district’s policy and it is being dealt with and that the school’s superintendent apologized personally for the incident. But still, it boggles my mind how someone who lives in this country, who enjoys the freedoms that come with being a citizen of the United States can be offended by our flag or by the uniform of someone who serves our country and has promised to defend it, and in turn, us. Their service has protected the freedom of people like that to spout off whatever they please. I was reading the comments on Facebook on one article about this incident and most were appalled that such a thing would happen. One in particular stood out to me.



Victims? I know plenty of active duty service members and veterans. I know many who have been wounded in combat. Funny, but I don’t know any victims. I don’t know any veterans who go around trying to get people to feel sorry for them…certainly none at Walter Reed. These men and women don’t want pity, but they do deserve respect. I would guess that most of the people in the military now joined the military after September 11, 2001, so they knew that they would most likely be deployed. They knew what they were getting into, yet they still decided to serve our country. They knew that they would make sacrifices in their service and they still did it. In order for our country to be safe, we need a military and we need local law officers and emergency personnel. Someone has to do it. Men and women, like my husband, chose to be that someone. They don’t ask for pity, they don’t consider themselves to be victims, and they don’t ask for special treatment. They don’t even ask for respect, even though they deserve it. What they do have is pride. They are proud of their service to our country. They are proud to display the flag that they fought to defend. I think our country could use a little more pride in country. I don’t always like the direction our leaders take our country, but you’ll never hear me say that I’m not proud to be an American. I’m proud to have a flag waving in the breeze at our house. I’m proud of our military. They are willing to step up and serve even though politicians are always trying to cut their pay and take away their earned benefits. I’m proud of the faithful military spouses and the military children who do their part to support their loved one in his/her service. I’m proud of the caregivers who support their wounded service members. I think “Jimmy” needs an education on what it means to be an American and how much his life is better because of the men and women who serve. (*edit* in the time it took me to finish up this blog and post it, "Jimmy" or someone with admin for the posting page deleted his comments. Such ignorance should be deleted both from online and from the attitudes of people in our country.)


God bless America, God bless our military, and please, Lord, protect us from those who wish to do us harm.



Saturday, September 6, 2014

Blasting for the Brave

Last year in December, Justin and I were privileged to be the guests of a wonderful woman named LoraLee at her beautiful ranch in south Texas. Along with us, there were other wounded veterans. We had never met any of them before, but we were all connected thought Project Healing Waters. One of the couples were Ferris and Laura. Ferris, like Justin, lost both legs below the knee during a deployment. His neighbor growing up was Ed Nicholson, the founder of Project Healing Waters. When Ferris was growing up, Ed tried many times without success to get Ferris to try fly fishing. Ferris always told him he preferred a spinner reel. After he was injured, Ed came to visit him at Walter Reed and finally convinced him to take up fly fishing and join the fly fishing program that he had started.

Several months ago, Ferris contacted Justin about participating in an event he was planning to benefit Project Healing Waters and the Pat Tillman Foundation. Since it involved shooting guns, raising money for an organization that we love, and helping out a friend, he quickly agreed. We watched the progress of how the event planning was coming along through Ferris and Laura’s posts on Facebook. Even though we knew the basics of what the day would entail, the day far exceeded our expectations (and Ferris and Laura’s too).

The event had something for everyone. There were plenty of activities for the kids, so Corey wasn’t bored except when I may him sit for a bit to cool down (it was a really hot day). There was a bounce house and an inflatable slide, pony rides, face painting, and corn hole. There was a man who was doing wood carvings with a chainsaw. (He donated one to the silent auction and the other four went to the veteran team that did the best in the clay shooting competition.) They even had a demonstration by a Beretta trick shooter. The food was wonderful! They started out with a continental style breakfast. Then there were snacks of funnel cakes, cotton candy, popcorn, and my favorite for the hot day – snow cones! For lunch, they had BBQ catered, and seriously, it was the best BBQ I’ve had this far north. I’ve been looking for a good BBQ place with no luck until today.

For the clay shooting competition, Justin was on a veteran team sponsored by LoraLee. It was so nice to see her and her best friend, Kathy, again and catch up. Justin’s team didn’t win, but he still had a great time – and I think everyone who attended today did too. I didn’t get to watch Justin shoot because Corey and I were busy with the inflatable slide (and Corey’s sensitive ears didn’t want to be so close to the loud shotguns).

They had various raffles and items up for silent auction. One of the raffle items (that Justin was disappointed that he didn’t win) was a custom made gun that was made by another friend that we met in Texas. We ended up winning a beautiful drawing that was drawn by yet another friend we met in Texas on that trip. (We met some very talented people on that trip! Other friend also is an artist, but sadly there weren’t any of her paintings up for auction or we would have bid on it too.)


Ferris and Laura closed out the event by giving out the awards and giving the non-profits the funds that were raised (or at least the ceremonial extra-large checks for now). Today’s event raised approximately $70,000, so $35,000 for each organization! A big thank you to Ferris, Laura, and all their volunteers for everything they did to make today’s event a huge success (at least that’s my opinion of it)! Everyone seemed to have a great time, and the money raised will go a long way to help veterans. I don’t know much about Tillman, but I know first-hand how much good Project Healing Waters is doing all over the country to help wounded veterans.

For more information on Project Healing Waters: http://www.projecthealingwaters.org/
For more information on the Pat Tillman Foundation: http://pattillmanfoundation.org/