Doubts, Faith, and Prayer

When I was a teenager, my Grams was diagnosed with breast cancer. We prayed and trusted God and were thankful when her cancer went into remission. Then her cancer came back and spread to her lungs. This time God answered our prayers for healing with “no”. She passed away just after Thanksgiving when I was 18. I knew that she was happy and healthy in Heaven, but I wasn’t ready for her to leave us on earth. Her death, along with a few other things I prayed for that received responses other than the way I wanted caused me to doubt. I didn’t doubt God. I doubted myself. I felt like I must have done something wrong that caused God to answer my prayers with a “no” over and over. My prayers weren’t selfish. They were requests for other people to be healed, for relationships to mend, not things for myself. I got to the point where I was hesitant to pray for fear that whatever I’d done to offend God would make him answer with a “no” and it would make the person’s situation worse. I struggled with balancing having faith that God could work miracles and doubting that He would. I never lost my faith, but I had a lot that I had to work through.

Since then, I’ve matured a lot spiritually and emotionally. I’ve learned a lot about God. I’ve learned that He is always faithful even when my faith has struggles. I’ve learned that the answers to my prayers are not dependent on how much faith I do or don’t have. Some things just aren’t in God’s perfect plan. Just look at the Bible. Is there any person in the Bible or since the Bible was written who has had more faith than Jesus? In Luke 22:42, Jesus said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Jesus prayed and asked God that if it were possible that He wouldn’t have to suffer and die. God answered with a “no”. Jesus asked for a specific thing and it didn’t happen. Did God hear the prayer of his Son? Absolutely. Was Jesus’ request part of God’s ultimate plan? No. Was Jesus’ faith or lack of faith the reason for the “no”? No, it wasn’t. Jesus had to die on the cross so that we might be saved. There was no other way. It had nothing to do with Jesus having a lack of faith and everything to do with God’s plan. When the disciples asked Jesus how they should pray, He warned them not to be like the religious leaders of their day who would stand around and pray loudly, not to God, but to attract attention to themselves. He also told them not to chant over and over the same things like the heathens. He told them in Matthew 6:9-10, “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” Once again, Jesus is saying that an important part of prayer isn’t just making a request, but submitting to or accepting God’s will in the situation. I Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.” That doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be constantly asking God for things. Prayer is talking to God. As in any relationship, communication is important for a relationship to grow. In the relationship, if one person only talks to the other to ask for favors, the relationship will likely not last long. Thankfully God is a lot more longsuffering with us. In my opinion, praying without ceasing is more of a flowing conversation with God. It doesn’t have your normal “Dear Lord” beginning and “In Jesus’ name, Amen” ending. It’s me throughout the day sharing my thoughts of gratitude, hurt, love, joy, and anything else that’s in my heart with God. Sometimes I have specific requests, sometimes it’s asking for clarity on situations, and other times it’s asking for peace in accepting God’s will above my own. Sometimes down the road, I can look back at a situation where God answered “no” and see why and it makes sense. Other times, I still struggle to make sense of things. Sometimes God uses a “no” to bring us to a place we wouldn’t have been if we’d gotten the answer we wanted and to cross paths with people who we wouldn’t have met if we’d had our way. Sometimes He uses the “no” to help us grow and other times He may use it to help someone else.

The Bible is full of examples of people who had more faith than I could ever imagine and they received the answers “no” and “not yet”. Why should I be any different? It’s not easy having the opposite of what I’d prayed for happen. It often hurts, especially when the prayer is for healing of a loved one.

Yesterday in church. My brother-in-law, Matt, gave the lesson for my Sunday school class. He taught about Gideon. Gideon was a judge in the days before the people of Israel had kings. Gideon didn’t consider himself to be important, and when he was called to be a judge, he was hiding behind a well from the Midianites. Gideon had many doubts, yet he was mentioned in Hebrews 11 (also known as the “Hall of Faith” chapter) for his faith. He asked God for multiple signs to prove that what God said was really supposed to happen. He had doubts, but he received mention for his faith. That’s really awesome that God used his doubts to strengthen his faith in the end. Here’s the main points Matt listed regarding Gideon’s doubts (Matt read Judges 6-7 for the lesson).

1.      Gideon doubts God – (what have you done for me lately; evil in the world)

2.      Gideon doubts his calling – (who am I mindset; what can I do?)

3.      Gideon doubts God’s sovereignty – (Can you really do this; sometimes we take things into our own hands)

4.      Gideon doubts the very words of God – (Will you really use me?; seeks verification)

5.      Others doubt/Were willing but didn’t truly believe – (I ate Justin’s turkey without thinking it safe or edible)

6.      Gideon gets distracted – (Circumstances caused doubt; things look too impossible, past failures)

I’m so thankful that the Bible doesn’t just tell about how people got things right, but also about their doubts and struggles. Not because misery loves company and I like to read about other people’s failure so I feel better about myself, but because it shows how people who struggle like I do can be used to do amazing things for God. No, God won’t always show us signs like keeping dew off the ground while soaking a fleece and keeping a fleece dry while the ground was soaked with dew to prove His plan will happen, but He still directs our paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” God uses imperfect people like Gideon, like me, and like you to accomplish his perfect plan. That’s amazing. That’s God’s grace and mercy.