Trials and Faith

I was recently reading a book and one of the characters was talking about faith and brought up some interesting things to think about. Is faith really faith until it’s tested? It’s one thing to claim we have faith, but it’s another to actually put it into practice. What is faith? The top two definitions on dictionary.com are “confidence or trust in a person or thing” and “belief that is not based on proof”. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The rest of Hebrews 11 goes on to name various men and women in the Bible who had faith in God and lived it not just when times were easy, but especially in the difficult times. Really, if you read through Hebrews 11, most of the people listed and the things that did that were noted as times they were faithful weren’t when life was easy. Most were difficult times when it was easier to doubt or give up. Some died because they would not renounce their faith. Others were required to do things that didn’t make sense at the time. I’m sure the people of Israel were pretty confused when God told them to march around the city of Jericho rather than attack it. Jericho stood in their way and marching around the walls just didn’t make sense. Looking back, I’d bet that it was a lot more clear, but at the time it took faith for them to follow Joshua and march. Abraham and Sarah had faith that God would give them a son even though they had to wait until they were very old before Sarah was able to conceive. They weren’t perfect and their faith faltered. They tried to “help” God by having Abraham have a son with Sarah’s maid, and while that did produce a son, it just messed up the situation. Eventually, in God’s time, Sarah did conceive the son that God had promised. And then God asked the unthinkable of Abraham. He asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son of promise. Abraham had faith that God would either allow his son to be spared at the last minute (which is what happened) or that God would raise him from the dead. What God asked of Abraham didn’t make sense. Why would God make Abraham and Sarah wait so long for this son who was to be the father of many nations only to take him away? Even though it didn’t make sense, Abraham had faith in God and acted on it by obeying. Acts 6 and 7 talk about Jesus’ disciples choosing men to help them in the ministry. One of them mentioned was Stephen who was described as being full of faith. The religious leaders of that day did not like the message of Jesus Christ that Stephen was sharing and ended up stoning him. Even knowing that holding onto his faith meant a death sentence, he never let go of his faith or denied it. He died the way he lived, full of faith. His death didn’t make sense. Stephen could have done so much good had he lived. The writer of Acts chose to write a small detail in the account of Stephen’s stoning that you might miss in a first read, but as you continue reading, it makes more sense. He mentioned that a young man named Saul kept the coats of the people stoning Stephen. Saul went on to make it his life’s mission to persecute Christians…until God got ahold of him. Once he was listening to God, I’m sure he remembered Stephen and the words he spoke and the faith he lived. Saul changed his name to Paul and became the first missionary. Those are just a few of the many people in the Bible who lived out their faith in difficult and even deadly times.

What does faith mean in my life? In 2 Timothy, Paul wrote to Timothy regarding his faith and how was passed down from Timothy's grandmother to his mother and from his mother to him. Yes, each person much choose for themselves whether or not they trust God and place their faith in him, but if you’re taught that faith from the time you’re a young child, it comes more naturally. Like Timothy's family, the legacy of faith in God has been passed down for many generations of my family, and I pray that one day that faith will be taken to heart by my son. Back to Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I have never seen God physically, but I have seen Him work. I’ve seen the amazing things He’s created. I’ve seen His miraculous healing. It’s easy to be disheartened at Walter Reed seeing the results of some of the worst that mankind can do to each other. Many are here due to explosions from rockets, IEDs, and RPGs. Those were used to maim and kill our soldiers. Not only did they cause physical damage, they hurt the morale of those who weren’t injured and took their minds off the mission. But that is only part of the story of Walter Reed. People come here badly damaged. Some came and the families were called and told to say their good-byes, yet the soldiers are still alive years later. I don’t believe in the TV “faith healers” and people who make a big show and want your money. I do believe that God works miracles and sometimes uses modern medicine to accomplish them. I’ve seen those miracles. I’m married to one of them.

I have had my faith tested over the past 15 months. I won’t claim to have handled every situation in a Christ-like manner. I’m human after all. I will never be perfect while I’m here on earth. We just have to do our best, ask God to help us do better, and ask for forgiveness when we fail. Some of what my family and I have been through doesn’t make sense. James 1:2-3 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” I can’t say that I’m always joyful regarding the trials I’ve been through. I try not to complain too much, and after I’ve had my pity party and have gotten out the frustration, I do try to find that silver lining. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” I have trouble with this one sometimes. I know to know what’s ahead and be able to plan for it. God’s definitely been working with me on this one because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I can’t plan for what will happen a few months from now. Things are a little more stable now than they were a year ago when I couldn’t plan things even one week in advance, but there is still quite a bit of uncertainty. The road we’re on has been bumpy and confusing, but we haven’t had to walk it alone. Sometimes I ask God “why me?” or “why us?” Why are we going through these tough times? We were happy before. Justin was doing well with his unit. We had a church that we were involved in. Our son was thriving. Why? It just doesn’t make sense. I may never fully know why God has brought us to this place in life, but I have faith that He will help us through the tough times…He’s helped us through many already. Sometimes I need to be reminded to “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.” No matter how bad things get, I know that I can place my trust – my faith – in God and He will help me. I couldn’t have gotten through this without that faith. This part of our journey isn’t over, but God was there for us yesterday, today, and will be there forever, and only He can bring true peace in the midst of the storms of life and bring joy when things are dark and difficult.

Happy birthday and a year of memories

What a difference a year makes! With Justin’s birthday being this week, it made me think back over the past year. It’s been a very eventful year, that’s for sure. Some ups and downs, but I’d have to say that there were a lot more ups and downs. The first 6-8 weeks after his injury were the worst, and by his birthday last year, things had started getting better. He had some setbacks, but he never let them keep him down. Shortly before his birthday last year, he went on his first Project Healing Waters fishing trip. Since then he has been on 6 or 7 more trips with this wonderful organization. We went to the National Zoo a couple times. Justin learned how to drive using hand controls. Justin got to go deer hunting on the Eastern shore of Maryland and shot a nice buck in Texas. He’s hunted hogs in Texas, Georgia, and Florida…and I even shot a hog in Texas. He got a couple all-terrain type wheelchairs for hunting and other outdoor activities. We were able to buy Justin’s dream truck (with the help of a couple grants) and get it adapted with hand controls and a wheelchair crane so that he could have more freedom to go and do things without needing me or someone else to help him. We took Corey to Disney for the first time. Justin starting shooting a compound bow again – both from his wheelchair and standing. He learned how to walk again. He went skiing in a special seated mono-ski, and Corey skied for the first time. Justin’s been able to get back into golfing. He’s not only walked a mile, but he’s walked/jogged a mile with a 45 pound ruck on his back. He was able to do PT with his guys at Ft. Stewart. We’ve had Nerf wars with our neighbors from across the hall. He’s gotten to meet actors, singers, sports figures, politicians, and even President Obama. Justin has probably given quite a few kids nightmares with the stories he comes up with as to what happened to his legs (running with scissors, monsters ate them, they’re gone because he didn’t listen to his parents, a shark ate them, etc). We’ve gotten visits from our former youth pastor, friends, and family members. We’ve made quite a few drives down to Georgia and Florida. We’ve made so many new friends that I can’t even begin to count. We got to be present for the homecoming ceremony for most of Justin’s guys. I’m so thankful for all that they did to get Justin down off the mountain alive. I’m so glad that we were at the ceremony both for Justin and for them. It was wonderful. We’ve been the recipient of so much generosity and kindness in so many different ways. Justin saw his favorite college football team win the national championship (much to my dismay since they’re my team’s in-state rivals). Justin made it into the hometown newspaper multiple times. After several months of his legs changing and having to get new sockets nearly every week, his legs have finally stabilized enough to be in carbon fiber sockets (which he’s been in for about a month with no problems or changes needed). We became first-time home owners after our hometown renovated and gave us a house. His leg was used to hit a piñata at his cousin’s birthday party. He’s climbed the rock wall (he tried a year ago before he got prosthetics and it didn’t go so well). He’s gotten back into weight lifting and working out in the gym outside of his PT. And just today, Justin got his running legs and ran for the first time post-injury!

Yes, there have been multiple setbacks and additional surgeries, but the list of negatives is a whole lot smaller than all the great memories we’ve had over the past year. Over the past year, Justin has set many short-term goals and has achieved almost all of them already. He’s checked things off of his “bucket list” (like hunting in Texas). We’ve gotten through the past year with a lot of prayer, some tears, a lot of laughs, and a lot of love from friends and family. Justin may tick me off and bring out the worst in me at times, but he also makes me laugh like nobody else can and he brings out the best in me. I wouldn’t trade him for the world and I’m so thankful that we’re going through this journey together. He is an amazing man and I am so proud of everything he’s accomplished over the past year (and years before that, but this year especially). Happy birthday, Justin! I hope we make another long list of good memories over the next year and years to come!

first attempt at rock climbing post-injury

rock climbing one year later

hunting in Sharptown, MD

Thanksgiving with family

walking on two legs!

the new "man cave"

running legs!

homecoming ceremony for Justin's guys

hunting in Texas

 

ribbon cutting for our new house

Stars and Stripers Tournament 2014

Today we went to the Project Healing Waters Stars and Stripers fly fishing tournament. Justin wasn’t in the tournament part since he was in it last year (and won 3^rd place), but he did do some fishing. Being out there today made me think about last year and how far Justin’s come since then. Last year’s tournament was Justin’s first fishing trip with PHW. He had only been out of the hospital about a month, and it was probably one of the first really good memories that we made post-injury…and likely, one of the first pleasant things Justin actually remembers during his time at Walter Reed (the heavy pain medications caused him not to remember the majority of the first 6-8 weeks post injury). We didn’t have our vehicle up here yet, so we caught a ride on the PHW van. Justin was in a wheelchair and had to transfer from the chair on the dock to the boat. Then they carried his chair onto the boat and he was pretty much stuck in one place to fish. It did him a world of good to get away from Walter Reed and get out in the fresh air and sunshine doing one of his favorite hobbies. And if that wasn’t good enough, the tournament was held the weekend before his birthday, so it was like an early birthday treat to get to fish.

(Justin and his guide at last year's tournament)

Fast forward a year. This morning, we woke up before the sun and got ready. Then we went out to our truck and Justin drove (with his special hand control adaptations) to the marina. We left the wheelchair behind and Justin walked in his prosthetics all day and move around the fishing boat as needed. We saw many familiar faces from last year’s tournament. After the tournament last year, the local newspapers ran an article about it, and the lady from the marina saved some copies for us and gave them to us today. It was so nice of her to hold onto those papers for a year, not knowing if we’d even be there. While Justin was fishing, Corey and I went on the tour boat and enjoyed being on the water. The boat captain brought us around so that we could see Justin and the other participants. We happened to be near Justin when he caught one of his fish. On the way back, it started to sprinkle, and by the time the rest of the boats got back, it was pour. The rain didn’t dampen anyone’s spirits. We all just squeezed a little closer at the tables that were under the awnings to eat our lunch. Justin had forgotten to take his meds until afternoon, so we ended up leaving before the awards were presented because his legs were hurting. Hopefully our Walter Reed representative placed!

One of the big mantras with PHW is that it’s not just about the fish, it’s about the relationships that are formed. It’s so true. The people Justin hangs out with the most are the ones that are in PHW. One of the most fun parts about events is catching up with people from other PHW chapters that we had met at a different event. The majority of the people who work with PHW are volunteers, and they work with the injured service members and veterans on a weekly basis because they truly care. I’m so thankful for this program which gives Justin a chance to get away from all the stresses of his rehab and enjoy a day on the water catching fish. He’s never come back from a fishing outing or event and said he wished he hadn’t gone. Instead, he always comes back feeling refreshed and feeling more like himself. He has a smile on his face and is eager for the next PHW trip.

The Gift of Blood

In 2006, my grandfather went into the hospital for what was supposed to be a relatively routine back surgery. I don’t remember all the medical terminology, but he ended up being in the hospital for about a month and needed to receive blood transfusions. After seeing Bubba survive that ordeal thanks to people who donated their own blood to help strangers, I signed up to donate the next time the blood donation bus came to the place where I worked. I hate needles and having seen people pass out after donating, it kind of freaked me out a little, but I knew it was something I needed to do. After the first time, I realized it wasn’t so bad, and I at least attempted to donate every time the bus came. After I had donated a few times, I got my mom to join me in donating. She would come to where I worked, and we would donate together. We even donated together one time when we saw a mobile blood donation bus in the parking lot of Walmart when we were out shopping. Once I got married and moved and it wasn’t as convenient to donate (as in, the donation location didn’t come to me), I didn’t donate as often, but I still managed to find a location every now and then

In February 2012, I was in town visiting family for my birthday, and my brother-in-law, Matt, and I decided that we would both donate blood after my birthday lunch (which was in the same plaza as the donation location). While at lunch, we convinced my other brother-in-law, Chris, to join us. Matt and I had both donated blood multiple times, but this was Chris’ first (and only) time. Chris was fascinated by the whole donation process. That was one of my last memories of Chris as he died in a plane crash later that month. Even though Chris is no longer with us, someone else may still be alive today because of the gift Chris gave that day.

Last year, as most of you know, my husband was seriously injured while deployed in Afghanistan. The medic and another of the soldiers in Justin’s platoon did what they could to slow down/stop the bleeding, but Justin lost a lot of blood that day. Not only did he lose blood, but he lost 14 inches of his legs. Blood is produced by the bone marrow, and he lost 28 inches (14 per leg) of blood producing bone marrow from the longest bones in his body. This means his body’s ability to make up for what was lost was hampered considerably. Over the first month post-injury, Justin received more units of blood than I can remember. For at least the first two weeks, they gave him more blood every time he had a surgical procedure. He likely would not have survived without the blood transfusions – without the people who chose to donate blood to help others.

I realize that not everyone can donate due to medical reasons, restrictions due to countries that have visited or lived in, or various other reasons. But for those who are able, please consider visiting your local blood donation center and giving the gift of life. Each donation is equal to 3 units of blood, so potentially, your gift could save up to three lives, and since you can donate up to 24 times a year (every 8 weeks), that could be up to 72 lives every year! Blood is needed for trauma victims, injured service members, cancer patients, premature babies, and many other medical issues.

Donating blood is a very important cause for me since people that I love are alive today because of it. The ALS ice bucket challenge has gone viral and has brought in a lot of visibility and financial support for ALS research. Justin’s birthday is coming up this month, and in honor of it, I would like to challenge you, my friends and anyone else reading this, to donate blood. Donating blood takes a lot more effort than dumping a bucket of water on your head or donating money. It takes time, and can leave you feeling a little out of it afterwards. You have to be smart about it and make sure you are eating and hydrating properly both before and after the donation. But, there is no substitute for blood when it comes to saving lives, and ambulances, emergency rooms, and operating rooms all over the country need help to keep supplied. They need blood of all types, particularly O- which is the universal donor. Whether you can donate or not, please share this and get the word out to donate, and please, please consider donating – even if it’s just once, it can still save lives!

If you are in Florida, visit http://www.oneblood.org/ to find a blood donation location near you.

If you are in the military, visit http://www.militaryblood.dod.mil/default.aspx for the Armed Service Blood Program information and location.

If you are in other states, I would suggest contacting your local Red Cross and they can probably point you in the right direction.

Scars

What is a scar? According to dictionary.com, a scar is a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn or a lasting aftereffect of trouble, especially a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma. Physical scars can often tell a story. I look at my own scars, and they bring back memories of things that have happened in my past. Some of those memories are more pleasant than others, though at the time when the injury occurred, very few of them were all that pleasant. Looking back, I can laugh about many of them. Probably one of the funniest was a small scar on my right hand that came from a scratch inflicted upon me by my friend, Rebecca, during a particularly enthusiastic game of Spoons. I’ll confess, I did laugh at the time when I was injured on that occasion. Probably my biggest scars are from my first teen camp. Hiking on an incline in sandals is ill advised…trust me. I was fortunate that I didn’t break any bones. I did need a tetanus shot and a bunch of stitches on my left knee. Being in the emergency room in a small town in North Carolina the same night as there was a carnival in town made for an interesting experience. Another funny one was the small scar just below my left kneecap. I got that one when I fell up the down escalator. Think about that one for a minute. I was at the mall shopping with my pastor’s wife, my friend, Rebecca (pastor’s daughter…same one who inflicted the Spoons injury), and my sister. We decided it would be fun to go the wrong way on the down escalator. I was the last one to go, and in the process of running up, I fell. After falling in an upward motion, the escalator started to take me down. I looked up to see some grumpy people waiting to go down and could not see any of the people that I was shopping with. They had walked away pretending not to know me. We all laughed about it after I cleaned myself up.

My scars are small and most of the stories that go along with them are of minor injuries. Only a few needed stitches and only one involved a broken bone. Here are Walter Reed, the scars are due to very serious injuries. Their scars tell very different stories from mine. You see a scar on someone’s throat, the chances are high that they had to have a tracheotomy to allow them to breathe. Straight scars are typically due to medical procedures. Jagged scars from usually from the initial injuries. Smaller scars tend to be from shrapnel. Some scars are the result of pulling together the remaining skin over what’s left of a person’s limb. Other scars are from procedures that were necessary for the person to be able to walk again. Some scars aren’t physical, but cause emotional or mental pain. Some wounds (both physical and other) are still healing and the scar tissue hasn’t formed yet. Walter Reed doesn’t really have a burn unit, but since many of the injuries were caused by explosions of some sort, they deal with less serious burns and the scars they leave behind. The scars you see here tell some serious stories that involve pain that I don’t even want to imagine. It was hard enough holding Justin’s hand through the worst of it. I can’t even begin to know what he was feeling, and honestly, I’m thankful that the pain medications caused him not to remember most of the first 6-8 weeks post injury. But as serious as the injuries, and as high of a number of scars here, the scars don’t make these men and women victims. Nobody here refers to the injured as “war victims”, they are called “wounded warriors”. Not only were most injured during service to our country, they have continued to fight now that they’re back. They fight to regain what was lost. They fight to find the “new normal”. If they see someone having a tough time, they’ll pick them up and fight with them. Life as they now know it may be difficult at times, but I haven’t heard any of them talk about giving up. They have too much life still to live, so many things still to do and accomplish. Scars are not evidence of having lost, they are evidence of healing. No, Justin will never get his original legs and feet back, but that doesn’t stop him from doing the things he loves. His injuries, his scars, may have changed how he looks, but they didn’t change who he is.

I was reading a book this evening which is what got me thinking about scars. The characters were talking about the resurrection of Jesus and of His scars. When Jesus rose from the grave, He could have removed all of His scars and had a perfect body. Instead, He chose to keep the scars as evidence of the sacrifice that He made for us. When Thomas doubted, Jesus told him to touch the scars on His hands and side. Jesus' scars tell a story of pain, of sacrifice, of grace, of forgiveness, and of love. Jesus willingly endured pain and death to forgive my sins and to give me the hope of Heaven after I die, and not just me, but every person who has ever and will ever live. Those are some pretty awesome scars that tell a wonderful story.

Welcome Home

Nearly six months ago, I received a phone call regarding our hometown wanting to give us a house. It seemed too good to be true, and the pessimistic side of me kept waiting for things to fall through. I didn’t want to let myself get too excited, but it was difficult not to. Due to being in Maryland, we had to do many things long distance including picking out the house. My dad went with Bob from the city of Palm Bay and checked out the houses and helped us decide which one would best suit our needs. Let me tell you, the house we picked is not the house we received. Yes, it’s at the same physical location and has the same basic structure, but the community came together and repainted, remodeled to make it wheelchair accessible and made it look totally different both inside and outside. When we were on convalescent leave in April, we were able to visit the house to see the “before”. Bob told us not to look at it for how it was at that time, but to look at it and see the potential. Over the course of the next four months, I watched the transformation through pictures other people posted online or sent to me. The most amazing part about it was that the majority of the work was done by volunteers and by businesses that volunteered their time, resources, and labor. It’s humbling to think about how many hours were put in by mostly strangers who heard about Justin and his injuries and wanted to help us.

the "before"

the "after"

On Wednesday (two days ago), we unpacked the Penske truck and the POD unit with the help of about a dozen volunteers. I thought that the platoon from Ft. Stewart made good time packing the POD in a couple hours, but the unpacking went even faster – about 35 minutes from unlocking the POD to it being empty. My parents and I spent most of Wednesday and Thursday at the house unpacking boxes, organizing, and making the house look and feel like a home. My dad and I didn’t leave the house until 11 last night finishing up the last little things to prepare for the ribbon cutting/open house that happened today.

Today was the big day. We started our morning with a limo in the driveway to take us to the title place where we signed for the house. When we arrived at the title place, they literally rolled out a red carpet for us. While we were there, we did an on camera interview for the city of Palm Bay.

When it was time to leave, the police blocked off the streets between the title agency and our house (about 7 miles). We were escorted by police, a large group of motorcycles (my mom estimated around 100 and many of the riders were veterans), and quite a few people in cars. People along the route were holding signs and waving to us. When we arrived on our street, there were cars, people, and news crews lining both sides of the street and a fire truck with a flag waving from the ladder. It was awesome to see our hometown come together in support for us. There were between 200-300 people at our house this morning. I’ve always loved my hometown, but this was above and beyond anything I ever imagined.

They started off the ribbon cutting ceremony in prayer asking God to bless our house and our family. I really appreciated that since our faith in God has been so important to us especially over the past year. Then they thanked the various elected officials and volunteers. A few people gave speeches. The brought the flag down from the fire truck and posted it in the flag holder at the front of the house. Justin’s not big on speaking, so he handed the microphone off to me to thank everyone. I’m better at putting my words into writing than public speaking, and it was hard to put into words how much we appreciate the gift of support that we received from so many. Then it was time to cut the ribbon. Dave Isnardi pulled out the biggest pair of scissors that I had ever seen and Corey and the Palm Bay mayor, William Capote, cut the ribbon and Dave handed us the key. Then it was a bit of a meet and greet/open house/BBQ lunch. The news crews from the 4 major networks, local cable news station, and local newspaper interviewed Justin and me. It was quite a unique experience to be in front of so many cameras and microphones at once. I think I prefer the computer screen. lol We got to chat with family and friends who came and met more people than I’ll ever remember names for…though I will never forget their kindness. Some of our friends from Sharptown, MD (Heroes Haven) were able to be there to celebrate with us. It was an amazing day. We are so blessed – not just by the gift of a house, but by the love shown to us which is so much more important at the end of the day. I’m so thankful for the city of Palm Bay doing this not just for us, but for 20-35 families. The project started with us and keeps growing. It’s amazing!

If you're in the Palm Bay, FL area and would like to get involved with this project for future homes, here are some links:

Space Coast Paratroopers Association

Homes for Warriors

Here are some links to the local news stations/paper regarding our house:

http://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/local/2014/08/01/wounded-veteran-given-new-home-in-palm-bay/13466687/

our motorcycle escort

http://ltnews.brevardtimes.com/2014/08/home-for-warriors-hero-inauguration.html

http://www.myfoxorlando.com/story/26176399/palm-bay-hero-returns-home-receives-keys-to-new-house

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/wounded-army-sergeant-receives-mortgage-free-home-/ngsZ5/
http://www.clickorlando.com/news/wounded-vet-given-new-home-in-brevard/27267238

our new bedroom

master bathroom

Justin's new "man cave"

the wonderful businesses who partnered with the city to make our house a home