Three Flags and a Cross

I typically don’t get involved in political discussions or make political posts because I have friends with very different views than mine who I care about and respect. I won’t claim to be politically correct because I know that I’m not, and to be honest, the whole political correctness thing really gets on my nerves sometimes. That being said, I also don’t go out of my way to offend people. Sometimes, with some people, we just have to agree to disagree and have somewhat of an unspoken agreement not to bring up certain topics. If they post something I find offensive on social media, I just keep scrolling (usually), and I’m sure I’ve probably posted something they don’t prefer and most of the time, they keep scrolling. I probably have someone in my Facebook friends list or someone who reads my blog that has been offended by my views regarding God, the Bible, and sin. That’s life. We aren’t all going to agree 100% of the time. It’s how we handle the disagreements that tells a lot about who we are as people.

Over the course of the past couple weeks, there has been a lot of controversy in the news media and my Facebook news feed regarding issues with racism and the Supreme Court’s decision on the topic of gay marriage – the Confederate flag and the rainbow flag. I have friends who are on both sides of these controversies. Friends that I respect whether I agree with them or not. I’m not going to spend a lot of time writing out my arguments for or against either one.

Regarding the Confederate flag and the Civil War, I have family members that fought on both sides, so for me, for better or worse, both the Confederate flag and the American flag are a part of my family’s history. I don’t know whether the family members on either side were racist or what their motivations for fighting were or even whether they chose to fight or were forced to fight. I own both flags, but I only fly one – the American flag. The Confederate flag may be a part of my family’s history, but the American flag is the only national flag that I pledge my allegiance to, and I proudly fly it outside my house.

I’ll spend a bit more time talking about my views on racism. I turn on the news and see news stories online that are filled with incidents of racial tension and violence. Then I look around the auditorium at church and see people of many different races and ethnic backgrounds all together in a spirit of unity. Racial unity is something that I’m very passionate about because I have so many friends that look different than I do and are from different ethnic backgrounds than I am. Life would be boring if we were all the same and had all the same experiences. The church I was raised in and have gotten back into since we moved back to Florida is a very diverse church. There are people who can trace their family tree back to the founding of our country and others who are first generation Americans. Some have very light skin, others very dark, and just about everything in between. No, I won’t claim to be color blind (regarding race) and it really annoys me when people do. To claim not to see the visible differences is a lie. My view, and the way I was raised by my parents and by the example of my church, is to see the differences and find them beautiful. All people are made in the image of God. While God made our physical bodies and formed us when we were in our mothers’ wombs, the outward appearance isn’t how He judges us. I Samuel 16:7 says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”” Man looks at the outward. That’s a big problem today. People are often judge by the color of their skin. Sometimes it’s the innocent judged as guilty in the court of popular opinion, and sometimes it’s the guilty judged as innocent. Often, people find themselves walking on eggshells trying to avoid saying anything that might be even the slightest bit perceived as racist. My opinion on race is that all people are made in the image of God and have the same opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as Savior. Therefore, Heaven will be filled with people of all races and our church pews should reflect that. There shouldn’t be “white churches” and “black churches”. There should just be churches that preach the Word of God. Period. All people should be welcomed with open arms. I would like to make a distinction though. I think it’s perfectly fine if a church separates itself for language purposes. For example, if there is a large number of Japanese speaking people in a community and they form a church and preach the Bible in Japanese. They aren’t separating because they don’t want to attend church with non-Japanese. They are wanting to hear the Bible preached in a language that they understand better. Our country has been described as a “melting pot” as we have many people who are originally from many other countries who have come together to live in this country. Because of this, we have people who speak many different languages, and I believe that everyone should have an opportunity to hear God’s Word in a language that they can understand. It would be frustrating to be in a church and only understand half of what the pastor was saying. But for English speaking churches, I think that the church should be reflective of the surrounding community as far as race is concerned. If you live in a diverse community like where I live, the churches should also be diverse. If the area is less diverse, the church may not have as many of one race as another, but it should be welcoming of all races. I Corinthians 12:12 says, “For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.” We are ONE body. It doesn’t say one body of this race and another of that race. We are called to unity in Christ. I’m of the opinion that as a country, we should call ourselves to unity as Americans. We need to do away with all the labels and hyphens that separate us into groups and just see ourselves as Americans. Once we get that part figured out, the rest will be easier to tackle. Start with uniting our country and embracing what we have in common.

Regarding homosexual marriage (the rainbow flag)…as you know if you know me or have read my blog. I am a Bible believing, conservative Christian. If God, through the Bible, calls something a sin, who am I to disagree? That being said, Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. The Bible doesn’t call Christians to judge the world or to be the moral compass. We are called to share God’s love and the good news of Jesus and the salvation that He has given through His sacrifice on the cross. No, that doesn’t mean we should soften the message of the Bible into some feel-good message. If there wasn’t sin, we wouldn’t need a Savior. We are all sinners, and in God’s eyes, every sin, regardless of how “big” or “small” we think it is compared to another, is the same – less than His perfection. James 2:10 says, “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.” Thankfully that’s not the end of the story. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” So many times today, I read people’s posts, blogs, etc. that say things like Jesus would do (fill in the blank) if He were in (fill in the situation). Most of the time these statements make me cringe. Let’s just stick to what Jesus actually did in the situations He actually encountered as recorded in the Bible. I also cringe when they take His words out of context. One example is when people are bashing Christians for speaking out against a particular sin. People will come back with statements about not casting stones unless you’re perfect, which is the paraphrase of what Jesus did say, but it’s not all He said in that passage. There was a woman who had been caught in adultery (though given she was caught in the act, you have to wonder where the man was and why the religious leaders didn’t bring him to Jesus too) and the religious leaders were trying to trip Jesus up by asking him if He thought that she should be stoned as the law stated. John 8:7-11 says, “So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”” Yes, the message of Jesus is one of love and compassion. His gift of salvation comes with no strings attached, BUT once we receive that gift, He does not expect us to continue in our sin. No, that doesn’t mean Christians are perfect. We’re humans that struggle with the sin nature that we were born with. All that being a Christian means (regarding sin) is that our sins have been forgiven and that the Holy Spirit lives inside our souls and will help us resist the temptation to sin. I Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Christians are tempted to sin just like everyone else, and we don’t always take that way of escape. I’m thankful for God’s longsuffering grace that forgives even when I fail over and over.

I titled this “Three Flags and a Cross” because there is much controversy surrounding two flags in our country and the issues they represent – the Confederate flag and the rainbow flag. And it is my prayer that we find unity under the third flag – the American flag – and in the cross where Jesus sacrificed Himself so that ALL people, regardless of race, background, or the sins they’ve committed, could be saved. Please join me in praying for our country as we are in a time of increasing inner turmoil on many fronts.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag

     of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for which it stands:

     one Nation under God, indivisible,

With Liberty and Justice for all.

On This Day

On this Day

Facebook has a somewhat new feature, or at least I only discovered it recently called “On This Day”. This feature looks back at your newsfeed from the time you joined facebook and shows all the posts that occurred on this day in previous years. It’s interesting to look back and see events from the past nearly 10 years. I can also look back in my chat and see messages from years back if I haven’t deleted them. For instance, on this day 2 years ago, I was chatting with Justin while he was deployed. He had recently been on a mission and had injured his arm. It was a minor injury, so it didn’t keep him from doing his job. He couldn’t talk for very long because he had to help plan an upcoming mission. Before he signed off, here’s one of the things I told him “please don't injure yourself on it”. The next conversation I had with him was about a day and a half later when he called to tell me that he’d lost both legs. Two years ago, on this day, our lives were relatively normal…at least as normal as life during a deployment ever is. Corey had started tee-ball, and we were involved in our church in Georgia. Justin was doing the normal infantry thing which he loved. Then came June 9, 2013 when life as we knew it ceased to exist.

One year ago today, we spent the day at a Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing tournament. (http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2014/06/one-year-update-and-our-weekend-trip.html) This was the first time Justin had been fishing STANDING since he was injured. He had only had both legs for several weeks, so standing to fish was a pretty big deal. We were still living on the Walter Reed complex with no clue when our time there would be finished. Days like this one where Justin fished, I took pictures and relaxed by the water, and Corey got to run around and be a normal kid were what kept us sane. The approximately 18 months that we spent at Walter Reed were very difficult times for us. We made some awesome friends and great memories, but we are very glad to have that chapter closed.

Now here we are today, about 36 hours away from the time that Justin called me to tell me about his injuries two years ago. Life now is very different from life then. Somethings are better, others worse, but overall, life is good. God is good. The other day, I was walking my dog and thinking about life. I hate that Justin was injured, and I hate that he struggles to find a balance between living life to the fullest and adequately resting his legs. But I love our life. Life always has struggles even under the best circumstances. Nobody has a perfect life, and my family is no different. Struggles make the road bumpier, but they don’t stop you from enjoying the view while you’re on the road. You just have to look up and not focus on the bumps. For a long time, I considered June 9, 2013 as the end of something, but while on my walk with my dog, I realized something important. June 9^th was also the beginning of something quite different. Yes, sometimes I miss the way things used to be, but then I look around and see everything I have (not just physical possessions) that would not have been had Justin not been injured. I’m sitting in my house knowing that I won’t have to move again unless for some reason we choose to move (which I don’t see happening). On the couch a few feet away is my husband who I’m thankful is alive and because of his injuries, we’ve spent more hours together in the past two years than probably in the rest of our relationship combined. He no longer has to miss birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays due to trainings, duties, or deployments. Across the room, sleeping on the loveseat, is our dog, Rufus. Two things I didn’t want while Justin was still in the Army were to buy a house and have a pet. Both made moving more difficult, and one thing you could count on in the Army was that you couldn’t count on staying in the same place. Now here we are, homeowners with a dog. Then there’s Corey who is currently asleep in his room. He is able to put roots down for the first time in his life. He’s getting to grow up surrounded by family, both from my side and Justin’s. He’s getting to grow up in the church I grew up in and form friendships that, hopefully like some of mine, will last his lifetime. We’ve made so many great memories since we’ve moved back home about 6 months ago. When I think about it, my heart is so full of gratitude. No, the way things happened to get us to this point weren’t ideal, especially for Justin physically, but we are enjoying this new chapter of our lives.

At my retreat last weekend, in one of the sessions, the lady said something that stuck with me. To paraphrase, depressions happens when you focus too much on the past and anxiety when you focus too much on the future. Sometimes you need to let both go and focus on the present. I’d also like to add under the depression part that you shouldn’t focus on dreams or plans for the future that you had in the past before life changed. Another addition would be not just to focus on the present, but also eternity. Sometimes the future can be scary, but the future in this life is just a blip compared to eternity. Sometimes it makes me sad when I think about how different reality is from what my past dreams for my future were, and sometimes I get anxious thinking about life when both Justin and I are old and he requires more care than he does now. Then I look around at the present and count my blessings. I look back and see how God has helped me through the past couple years and the lessons He’s taught me. Then I can look ahead, and the future doesn’t seem quite as scary because I know God will be walking beside us through it.

This morning in Sunday school, my brother-in-law, Matt, was teaching again. He was talking about the importance of always being ready with a testimony of what God has done in your life. He didn’t read this verse, I think it fits with his lesson perfectly. I Peter 3:15 says, “but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear”. Throughout my blog, if you read through the posts, I’ve talked about our struggles, our triumphs, our fun times, and our blessings. I’ve shared from my heart lessons that I’ve learned. I’ve also tried to share, in some blogs more than others, the reason for the hope that is in me. Some people try to be comforting saying that God never gives you more than you can handle. I disagree, I’ve been given more than I can handle on my own at times. I prefer the phase that God will not bring you to something that He won’t bring you through. He has given me strength and comfort when I was weak. He has healed Justin so that he can enjoy life. He gave us friends and brought organizations into our lives that has made this time of transition and finding the “new normal” easier. He holds our future in His hands and will be beside us every step of the way. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” In a nutshell, this is my testimony: God has carried me in the past, He is blessing me in the present during this time of rest, and He has given me a hopeful future, even with the struggles. These are the thoughts on my heart as we approach Justin’s 2^nd Alive Day. I pray that on this day next year, I can tell about many more adventures, times of joy, great memories, and for Justin, many more fish caught since that’s been his favorite retirement activity. Thank you all for sharing this journey with us and praying for us along the way!

Caregivers Retreat

About 6 weeks ago, my America’s Fund case manager (who I also consider a friend), contacted me regarding an upcoming caregiver’s retreat in Florida. I couldn’t reply back fast enough to ask her to sign me up. I don’t miss being at Walter Reed, but I miss the kinship I felt with the other caregivers during our time there. The Semper Fi Fund/America’s Fund (SFF/AF) holds various activities specifically for caregivers and I really enjoyed the Ladies Night Out dinners that I attended (Caregivers Night Out). There are a lot of organizations out there that help and encourage wounded veterans which is awesome, but most of them are specifically and solely for the veteran and tend to ignore the families. Don’t get me wrong, I think our wounded veterans deserve the attention and appreciation, but when a service member is injured, the injury may only touch them, but it effects the entire family in various ways. My son was 3 ½ when Justin was injured. He’s not the same kid as he was 2 years ago. I’m not the same person that I was 2 years ago. Physically, the past 2 years have been harder on Justin, but emotionally, I think it’s been harder on me because I’m a more emotional person in general. Just recently, I’ve come to a degree of acceptance with things to see that June 9, 2013 wasn’t the end, but a beginning of a new type of journey. Anyway, that’s another subject for another blog…back to the retreat. After I responded to Stephanie, she sent me more details about the retreat. It would be taking place at a beach side resort in St. Pete Beach, on the west coast of Florida near Tampa. Everyone would arrive on the Friday and head home on Sunday. The closer it got to the retreat, the more excited I got. I needed some time to myself to relax and regroup.

Then came the day of the retreat. Having gone to school in the Tampa area, I knew how bad I-4 traffic can get on a Friday afternoon. I decided to leave in the morning (the first event of the retreat wasn’t until 6 pm) and visit with some friends who are like family to me that live in Tampa before heading to the resort. Upon arriving at the Don CeSar Hotel, I checked in and was greeted by four wonderful SFF/AF case managers who put a lot of time into planning such a wonderful weekend for us. I settled into my room and then headed over to the spa to receive my deep tissue massage. Talk about a great way to start the weekend. Then I took a walk on the beach which got me even more relaxed. Being on/near/in the water is my happy place.

Around 6 pm, everyone started arriving at the Sunset Pavilion for some social time and dinner. One of my friends from Walter Reed was able to come on the retreat, and it was great to catch up with her and to meet the other ladies. There were around 40 of us on the retreat. Some were spouses, others mothers caring for an adult son or daughter, and a fiancé or two. Many of the spouses, like me, are also raising children in addition to being a caregiver to their husband. While at dinner, the sun began to set (the Sunset Pavilion has an excellent view), so we all hurried out to the beach (about 10 feet from the outdoor patio where we were eating dinner) to get a group shot with the sunset in the background and another shot with the hotel in the background. It was so beautiful watching the sun set over the water. After dinner, some people went out, others hit the hot tub, and some went back to the rooms to rest up for the next day.

Saturday was a day packed with activities to help us relax and de-stress. We started the day bright and early with yoga on the beach at 8 am. Those of you who know me know that I am so not a morning person and do not have the best balance ever. I put forth a good effort, but my favorite poses were the resting ones that nearly put me back to sleep. Lol Then came a delicious breakfast on the pavilion. After breakfast, we headed upstairs to the conference room for some classes. The first one was on managing stress. The lady who spoke asked some very thought provoking questions that hit home to probably all of us. It was a bit emotional for some to voice their struggles and hear others going through the exact same thing. The next class was a bit lighter. It was how to art journal. It was interesting and kind of fun, but I think I’ll stick to writing. My art skills leave much to be desired. Lol 

Then we took a break for lunch which was very tasty. After lunch, we painted wine glasses. Some of the ladies were very artistic and their glasses looked really cool. Mine…well, it’s colorful. While I’m not especially talented in that area, it was fun to try something that I normally wouldn’t. As with the art journals, my glass is no masterpiece, but laughing and chatting with the other ladies while making my attempt at art was pretty relaxing.

The last schedule activity of the afternoon was stretching techniques. Once again, the resting positions nearly put me to sleep (but that says I was really relaxed, right?). Some of the stretches felt really good to work the kinks out of my shoulders and neck. I need to remember to do those at home when I’m sitting for a while. After the classes were done, I hit the beach again. While I was standing in the water, about a dozen stingrays swam past me. It was pretty cool. I don’t think I’ve ever seen stingrays in the wild before.

Then came time to head to downtown St. Pete for some shopping and dinner. On the bus, they gave us each a Visa gift card with the instructions to spend it on ourselves. That may sound like an easy thing, but it’s really not. When I go shopping, I see something and my first thoughts are “Corey would like this” or “Justin would like that” or “my mom would like this”. When I shop for myself, it’s usually necessities like clothes, shoes, etc. I went through many shops, but most were kind of artsy and I didn’t really see much that caught my eye, but there was one thing that just fascinated me. It was called Exotic Sands. Just watching the sand swirl and fall in different patterns each time I flipped it was kind of soothing, so I decided to get it because it fit with the weekend as a whole. Then came another delicious meal before heading back to the hotel. Once we got back, I decided to hit the hot tub and relax with the other ladies a bit before turning in for the night.

 My Exotic Sands thing

Sunday morning, we had a nice farewell breakfast. Many of us exchanged contact information or looked each other up on Facebook so that we could keep in touch. It was sad to see the weekend come to a close. I hope that someday, I can meet up with my new friends because I’d love to spend more time getting to know them. I’m so thankful that SFF/AF brought us all together to share and learn from each other. I’m also thankful that I drove to the retreat because many of the ladies who flew there had trouble fitting all the goodies that SFF/AF spoiled us with in their suitcases. If I could change anything about the weekend, it would be to add more hours to the days because time just flew by way too fast with all the fun we were having. One thing that we heard in one of the classes was that depression happens when you focus too much on the past and anxiety when you focus too much on the future. Sometimes you just have to focus on the present. I know I’m guilty of not just focusing on the past but on the way I wanted the future to be before June 9, 2013 happened. Sometimes I do get anxious thinking about the future and about what things will be like when Justin is old and not as independent. I often have to remind myself to trust God for the future because worrying about it won’t change anything. I have to remind myself not just to live in the present and enjoy the blessings that God has given me, but also to live for eternity. The difficulties of life are so short…though while I’m going through them, sometimes they seem never ending. But God can use those trials to bring about something amazing in the long run. To sum it all up, I came away from the weekend with a lot of things to think about, some tips and things to try to help manage stress, a heart that was full of thankfulness, and a mind that felt relaxed and refreshed. Not bad for just one full day and two partial days. Thank you, Semper Fi Fund/America’s Fund for caring for caregivers and making us feel so special and appreciated!