Weep with them that Weep

When I was younger, in church sometimes we’d be asked to recite Bible verses. If we got to choose which verse to recite, we’d usually either go for the most common ones (John 3:16 and Genesis 1:1) or the shortest if we could remember where they were located in the Bible. I’d never really thought about the short ones in too much depth. I mean, how much can you really get from 2-3 words? Well, if they’re God’s Words, sometimes you can get a lot from a little. The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35. “Jesus wept.” Two of the other shortest verses are 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17. “Rejoice always” and “Pray without ceasing.” I was thinking about those verses and it struck me how the two verses with just two words are opposite in nature – weeping and rejoicing. And the other verse with three words goes equally with both. Sometimes during the times of weeping, it’s hard to put words to our prayers because our hearts are so heavy. Romans 8:26 says, “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” At the times when we are hurting the most, God knows our hearts and hears not just our words, but our sorrow and hurt and grief.

A couple weeks ago in Sunday school, we were continuing to learn from the book of Lamentations. Our teacher read part of an interview with Joni Eareckson Tada (became a quadriplegic after a diving accident). I found the interview online. (http://www.worldmag.com/2013/01/joni_eareckson_tada_on_words_that_hurt_actions_that_help) Here are a couple sections from it:

When you were in the hospital room, in despair about becoming a quadriplegic through your diving accident, were some comments people made—with good intentions—hugely irritating? I had many well-meaning friends my age who said well-meaning things, but they were uninformed because the Bible says weep with those who weep. Many friends would say to me, from Romans 8:28, “Joni, all things fit together to a pattern for good.” Or, from James 1:3, “Welcome this trial as a friend.” Or, from Romans 5, “Rejoice in suffering.” These are good and right and true biblical mandates, but when your heart is being wrung out like a sponge, sometimes the 16 good biblical reasons as to why all this has happened to you sting like salt in the wound. When people are going through great trauma, great grief, they don’t want answers. Because answers don’t reach the problems where it hurts in the gut, in the heart.

What does help? When I was a little girl, I remember riding my bike down a steep hill. I made a right-hand turn. My wheels skidded out on gravel and I crashed to the ground. My knee was a bloody mess. My dad comes running out. I’m screaming and crying. Although I didn’t ask why, if I had, how cruel it would have been for my father to stand over me and say, “Well, sweetheart, let me answer that question. The next time you’re going down the hill, watch the steepness, be careful about the trajectory of your turn, be observant of gravel.” Those would all have been good answers to the question, “Why did this happen?” But when people are going through great trauma and great grief, they don’t want to know why. They want Daddy to pick them up, press them against his chest, pat them on the back, and say, “There, there, sweetheart, Daddy’s here. It’s OK.” When we are hurting, that’s what we want. We want God to be Daddy: warm, compassionate, real, in the middle of our suffering. We want fatherly assurance that our world is not spinning out of control.

At the end of the article, it stated this phrase: “Don’t you dare be caught rejoicing with those who weep. Weep with those who weep.” This is a reference to Romans 12:15 which says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Sometimes when we’re going through hard times, people don’t know what to say. They truly do mean well, but their words aren’t as comforting as intended. The interview mentioned people reciting Romans 8:28. Yes, I know that God will work things out for good according to His purpose, but when I’m in the middle of a particularly difficult trial, it’s hard to see how any good could possibly come from it. Sometimes it’s just not the time for comforting words, it’s a time to just be there for a person, to listen when they need to vent. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 and 7b says,

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

Jesus understood grief and loss. John 11 talks about the death of Lazarus. Jesus knew he would see His friend alive again soon, yet He still wept. As a Christian, I know that when a loved one passes away, if they also believe, I will see them again in Heaven one day. It is a comfort to have that Hope, but my heart still hurts that they’re no longer here. I can’t call them up on the phone to talk. There are empty places at the table where they used to sit. I can’t ask them for advice or just sit and enjoy their company. One day we’ll be reunited, but right now it just plain hurts that they’re gone. I’m thankful that death is not the end and that the tears are only temporary. Physical pain and difficulties are also temporary. In Heaven there will be no more pain. Our bodies will be perfect – free from sickness and injury. Here on earth, we see sickness everywhere. I would venture a guess that everyone either has lost someone in their family or has a friend who has lost a family member due to cancer. Hospitals and doctors’ offices are full of people who are sick, injured, and dying. I lived on a hospital complex for 18 months. We were surrounded by some of the worst injuries that I had ever seen. It was depressing at times, but at the same side, it was amazing because everywhere you turned, there was a miracle – someone who by all accounts shouldn’t be alive, but is. Men and women who survived and aren’t letting their injuries keep them down. They’ve been through some dark, painful days and have endured many medical procedures and difficult physical therapy sessions with the hope that someday things will get better. Life is a lot like that. We endure pain and loss, but we press forward because we have hope that one day things will get better. It may not be here on earth, but our time here on earth is so short compared to an eternity in Heaven.

I usually try to keep my blogs uplifting and encouraging, but right now my heart is heavy with loss. The time for laughing and rejoicing will come, but the grief is still fresh. The longer I live, the more people I love and care about pass away and the more I look forward to a Heavenly reunion. I encourage you, my friends, to be careful what you say to people who are in the midst of hardship. (Not that anyone’s made any comments to me lately, but well-meaning comments in the past have stung.) If you don’t know what to say, just be there for the person. Don’t try to fix things because only God can do that most of the time. Just listen and pray for them. Don’t try to compare their circumstances to someone who is going through worse. That typically isn’t very helpful at all. Laugh when they need to laugh and hold them when they need to cry. Your presence will mean a lot more than your words in times of grief. And if you don’t know what to do, pray for them. They may be in one of those times where the grief is so deep that they don’t know the words to express it and your prayers may help to bring them comfort. I’m going to end this blog with the words to a hymn that a friend reminded me of last week.

What a Friend we Have in Jesus

By Joseph M. Scriven

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,

Oh, what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised

Thou wilt all our burdens bear;

May we ever, Lord, be bringing

All to Thee in earnest prayer.

Soon in glory bright, unclouded,

There will be no need for prayer—

Rapture, praise, and endless worship

Will be our sweet portion there.