Ladies Night Out - a Much Needed Break for Caregivers

When Justin deployed the first time, we were engaged. I was in my hometown and surrounded by friends, but sometimes I felt very alone because none of the people I was regularly around really understood what I was going through. Some very sweet, well-meaning people said some things that really bothered me at times. I knew they didn’t mean any harm, but it just showed how clueless they were. I still love them and am thankful for the friendships and the support they’ve shown me over the years. Just because they didn’t really understand doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends. They probably went through plenty of things that I had no clue about.

During Justin’s second deployment, I was scared. I knew I would be in a foreign country raising a baby on my own. Once the soldiers deployed, I formed a close bond with some of the other wives. We were going through the same (or similar) circumstances and understood each other. We helped each other get through a year without our husbands. I missed my friends and family back home, but my Army wife friends became like family to me. It was very different from the first deployment, but I learned so much from both.

As you probably know by now, Justin’s third deployment was nothing like I expected it to be. I had the best of both worlds for this one. I lived close enough to family that I could visit often. I also had Army wife friends nearby (though not quite the walking distance close as in Germany). This was our third time around, and I figured it would be similar to the other two, except shorter. Little did I know how much shorter it would end up being. Now I find myself in a very different, strange situation. With three deployments and after meeting quite a few soldiers and their families, I had never been friends and had never met anyone who was seriously injured in combat. Since Justin was injured, I’ve had to learn a new language (medical terms specific to amputees and various medication) and a new set of skills with caring for Justin and his increased needs. Seriously, the military needs to get with it. I deserve some sort of certificate for all my new knowledge and skills. Lol I’ve even given injections (much to Justin’s dismay).

I say all that as to background for the main point of this post. A couple nights ago, I attended my third ladies night out sponsored by the America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund. Some of the wonderful ladies involved in this organization come over to Walter Reed, pick us up, drive us to the restaurant, treat us to a relaxing evening of food and fun, and then return us to Walter Reed. It’s more than just a dinner though. It’s a chance to connect with ladies who are going through similar circumstances. It’s hard to socialize during the week with appointments and in many cases, caring for both a spouse and kid(s) (or if the caregiver is a mother, their son/daughter and possibly grandkid), and weekends are hit and miss as well. These nights out are rare opportunities for the spouses, mothers, sisters, friends, etc. who have dropped everything to care for a loved one to leave the responsibilities and stresses behind and just be ourselves. We swap stories and understand the emotions that came when we got that call saying that our loved one was injured in ways that I pray that other people I know will never understand firsthand. At my table this time, there was one mother whose son was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident (other driver was at fault), a woman who is here to help her sister-in-law, and two of us who are here to help our husbands recover while raising a child. Every woman in the room had a story as to what events brought them here, but all of us are here because we love someone who needs our help. Some are due to injury and others have various medical conditions that need someone to help around the house and with appointments. All are here because they care for someone in the military even if the person wasn’t combat wounded. So many of the organizations and events are specifically for the service member with family as an add on. It’s really nice and means a lot to have a night specifically to address a real need for caregivers – a break. I love my husband and son with all my heart, but sometimes I need some time away from them and that’s hard to do in a tiny little apartment around each other all day every day. I always get back from these events feeling refreshed, very full from the delicious food, and excited for the next one. I spent the evening laughing and enjoying great company. Some of the conversations are serious as our situations are serious, but far more laughs through the course of the night. I probably speak for all the ladies who attend these dinners in saying that the night goes by way too quickly and we always hate to see it come to an end.

Ladies night out is just one of the many ways that the America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund step up to help not just the injured service members, but their families as well. (Semper Fi Fund is the main program to help injured Marines, and more recently they started a sub-program called the America’s Fund to help all service members regardless of the branch.) They helped us buy a truck to be adapted so that Justin could drive it with hand controls (our other vehicles have over 100,000 miles, so we needed something reliable that would last to help Justin). They’ve helped with expenses for various family members come up to visit which has been a huge help to us when Justin’s had to be inpatient and we needed help with Corey. Someone from their organization is at the hospital every day during the week visiting the rooms of the ones that are inpatient to encourage them and make sure their needs and the needs of their families are met, and that doesn’t stop when they are discharged. They cheer with us when good things happen, when goals are achieved, and they encourage us when there are setbacks. If I were asked to name the non-profits that have helped us the most over the past year (not just financially, but the whole picture), the America’s Fund would be in the top 3…and those top 3 are in a three way tie. Each has helped us in very different ways and it would be difficult to rate them because they’re all so awesome. I will always be grateful for these organizations and the people that take a hands-on approach to helping our nation’s wounded veterans. I pray that these awesome people in these organizations are blessed for the many ways they have been a blessing to my family and other families at Walter Reed and other military medical facilities all over the country.

Kindness, Encouragement, and Fudge

Have you ever had one of those days (or one of those weeks) where it seems like everything is going wrong? The kids are acting up and the smallest things just seem to get to you. Then you go out to the mailbox to find a surprise card from a friend just saying they’re thinking about you. Or maybe it’s a kind message in your inbox or a telephone call. Whatever the method, sometimes just that little something is what you needed to help turn your day around.

Over the past year, my family and I have been the recipient of a lot of love and encouragement from friends, family, non-profit organizations, and even strangers. Dealing with everything on my plate can get discouraging at times. The light at the end of this tunnel has seemed so far away that I could barely see it. I’ve cried many tears, but not all of them have been of frustration or sadness. Some of those tears have been tears of joy and tears that come from a heart that is overwhelmed by the kindness shown to us. Sometimes it’s something small but special like a handmade card from my great-aunt who I haven’t seen in many years. Other things are big and a bit overwhelming like being given a house or being given assistance from a non-profit to help us purchase the truck Justin’s always dreamed of having. Sometimes it’s going out to eat (usually at Cracker Barrel when this happens) and asking for the check only to find that another person there, or sometimes the serving staff, has already paid our bill. Other time it’s just a note in my inbox telling me that a friend or even someone I’ve never met has been praying for us every day. Sometimes it’s a postcard or package in the mail for Corey because they care about him and want to encourage him as the past year has been difficult for him too. Few things warm a mother’s heart like someone doing something nice for her child. Those are just a handful of ways we’ve been shown kindness over the past year. It would take me hours to tell of every act of kindness that has come our way, but each one has been appreciated.

Thinking about the kindness we’ve received made me think about how I have (or haven’t) shown kindness to others. Like most people, I’ve got plenty of room for improvement. I’m not always as gracious as I should be. I don’t always go out of my way to help others when I can. I do try though. I won’t list all the ways that I show kindness because I don’t do it for recognition or for show. I truly do enjoy helping people for the most part. I like knowing that something I did put a smile on someone’s face. I enjoy showing appreciation to people who deserve it. I will say that if the author of the “5 Love Languages” book decides to update his book to add chocolate as a 6^th language, that will definitely be my primary both for giving and receiving. Lol Ever since I learned how to make homemade fudge, it has been my go-to gift. Whether it’s a Christmas present, thank you gift, get well, cheer up, congrats, or just because, fudge can fit the occasion (for those who don’t have health issues preventing them from eating fudge anyway). It’s not a big thing and doesn’t cost that much. The effort on my part to make it isn’t all that much either, but sometimes people just need a little pick-me-up and I know that if someone were to give me fudge (or any sort of chocolate), they’d be my best friend forever. And really, sometimes it isn’t what you do or give, but it’s the fact that you cared enough to want to do something for someone that can really make a difference.

I say all that not to say “hey, maybe you should send Beth some chocolate” or “send Beth a nice message” (though those are always appreciate), but to encourage you to encourage others. Be kind to those around you. You never know how much your smile, your act of kindness, or your words will mean to someone. If you know a new mother, don’t ask her to call you if she needs anything because unless you’re family or a friend who’s like family, she probably won’t. Ask if you can do something specific like bring her a meal. Send a gift card for a pizza place so she can have the option when she needs a break. Put yourself in the person’s shoes and think of what would be the most helpful or mean the most to you if you were in their situation. And most importantly, pray for each other. My son asked me to take a picture of him and put it as the background on my computer. I told him that I wanted to keep my background the same as it already is – a picture of Justin and his platoon that was taken a month or two before he was injured. Why this picture? Partially because it reminds me of a time when our life was still normal (well, as normal as a military family with one part of the family deployed could be anyway). The bigger part is because seeing the picture of the guys in his platoon reminds me to pray for them. Those are the men who are responsible for Justin still being alive today, and I often pray that God will bless them and their families. I pray that they aren’t haunted by what happened on the mountain on June 9^th, but that they’re encouraged by how great Justin has done since that day and to know that they played a role in that by getting him safely down the mountain.

My challenge to you is to find someone in your circle of friends and family who needs some encouragement and do something nice to help put a smile back on their face. Also, put them on your prayer list (if you pray) and ask God to help them through whatever situation they’re going through. There’s so much negative in the world today, and it’s nice to see people being that ray of much needed sunshine to those around them.

(16.5 lb of fudge said "thank you", "cheer up", and "thinking of you" all at the same time...and sadly, that's an old picture. I don't currently have that much fudge in my fridge lol)

My thoughts on September 11th

Today is September 11^th. It’s been 13 years since hijackers flew planes into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. 13 years since some brave passengers overtook the hijackers in a 4^th plane and caused it to crash into a field rather than a building. America was wondering if there were any more attacks coming. President George W. Bush had some tough decisions to make as to how to make our country more secure so that something like this would never happen again and as to what our country’s reaction would be. It wasn’t long before war was declared on al-Qaeda and we had boots on the ground in Afghanistan. Since September 11, 2001, there have been no attacks on our soil by foreign terrorists. Right now our country faces additional threats from ISIS and an unsecure border between the United States and Mexico.

A big part in why our country hasn’t been attacked is because of our military. We’ve lost many brave men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’ve had many injured. They stepped up did what so many are unwilling or unable to do – they have defended our country. Most came back alive and uninjured, but none of them came back the same as they left. Many left as boys/girls (yes, 18-19 years old may be an adult, but it far from having reached maturity) and came back as men/women. They made sacrifices, and the majority that I know would do it again and have volunteered for multiple deployments. Even knowing what he knows now and having been injured seriously, my husband would go back in a heartbeat if he could.

I read an article yesterday about an Army Lt. Colonel who was trying to meet with someone at his daughter’s school. He happened to be wearing his uniform (not unusual since it was during the week and he likely had to head back into work as soon as the meeting was concluded), and the security guard would not allow him to enter the school due to the uniform because another student might find it offensive. Offensive? I’m offended that such a statement would be made. According to the reports I’ve read, this was not the school district’s policy and it is being dealt with and that the school’s superintendent apologized personally for the incident. But still, it boggles my mind how someone who lives in this country, who enjoys the freedoms that come with being a citizen of the United States can be offended by our flag or by the uniform of someone who serves our country and has promised to defend it, and in turn, us. Their service has protected the freedom of people like that to spout off whatever they please. I was reading the comments on Facebook on one article about this incident and most were appalled that such a thing would happen. One in particular stood out to me.

Victims? I know plenty of active duty service members and veterans. I know many who have been wounded in combat. Funny, but I don’t know any victims. I don’t know any veterans who go around trying to get people to feel sorry for them…certainly none at Walter Reed. These men and women don’t want pity, but they do deserve respect. I would guess that most of the people in the military now joined the military after September 11, 2001, so they knew that they would most likely be deployed. They knew what they were getting into, yet they still decided to serve our country. They knew that they would make sacrifices in their service and they still did it. In order for our country to be safe, we need a military and we need local law officers and emergency personnel. Someone has to do it. Men and women, like my husband, chose to be that someone. They don’t ask for pity, they don’t consider themselves to be victims, and they don’t ask for special treatment. They don’t even ask for respect, even though they deserve it. What they do have is pride. They are proud of their service to our country. They are proud to display the flag that they fought to defend. I think our country could use a little more pride in country. I don’t always like the direction our leaders take our country, but you’ll never hear me say that I’m not proud to be an American. I’m proud to have a flag waving in the breeze at our house. I’m proud of our military. They are willing to step up and serve even though politicians are always trying to cut their pay and take away their earned benefits. I’m proud of the faithful military spouses and the military children who do their part to support their loved one in his/her service. I’m proud of the caregivers who support their wounded service members. I think “Jimmy” needs an education on what it means to be an American and how much his life is better because of the men and women who serve. (*edit* in the time it took me to finish up this blog and post it, "Jimmy" or someone with admin for the posting page deleted his comments. Such ignorance should be deleted both from online and from the attitudes of people in our country.)

God bless America, God bless our military, and please, Lord, protect us from those who wish to do us harm.

Blasting for the Brave

Last year in December, Justin and I were privileged to be the guests of a wonderful woman named LoraLee at her beautiful ranch in south Texas. Along with us, there were other wounded veterans. We had never met any of them before, but we were all connected thought Project Healing Waters. One of the couples were Ferris and Laura. Ferris, like Justin, lost both legs below the knee during a deployment. His neighbor growing up was Ed Nicholson, the founder of Project Healing Waters. When Ferris was growing up, Ed tried many times without success to get Ferris to try fly fishing. Ferris always told him he preferred a spinner reel. After he was injured, Ed came to visit him at Walter Reed and finally convinced him to take up fly fishing and join the fly fishing program that he had started.

Several months ago, Ferris contacted Justin about participating in an event he was planning to benefit Project Healing Waters and the Pat Tillman Foundation. Since it involved shooting guns, raising money for an organization that we love, and helping out a friend, he quickly agreed. We watched the progress of how the event planning was coming along through Ferris and Laura’s posts on Facebook. Even though we knew the basics of what the day would entail, the day far exceeded our expectations (and Ferris and Laura’s too).

The event had something for everyone. There were plenty of activities for the kids, so Corey wasn’t bored except when I may him sit for a bit to cool down (it was a really hot day). There was a bounce house and an inflatable slide, pony rides, face painting, and corn hole. There was a man who was doing wood carvings with a chainsaw. (He donated one to the silent auction and the other four went to the veteran team that did the best in the clay shooting competition.) They even had a demonstration by a Beretta trick shooter. The food was wonderful! They started out with a continental style breakfast. Then there were snacks of funnel cakes, cotton candy, popcorn, and my favorite for the hot day – snow cones! For lunch, they had BBQ catered, and seriously, it was the best BBQ I’ve had this far north. I’ve been looking for a good BBQ place with no luck until today.

For the clay shooting competition, Justin was on a veteran team sponsored by LoraLee. It was so nice to see her and her best friend, Kathy, again and catch up. Justin’s team didn’t win, but he still had a great time – and I think everyone who attended today did too. I didn’t get to watch Justin shoot because Corey and I were busy with the inflatable slide (and Corey’s sensitive ears didn’t want to be so close to the loud shotguns).

They had various raffles and items up for silent auction. One of the raffle items (that Justin was disappointed that he didn’t win) was a custom made gun that was made by another friend that we met in Texas. We ended up winning a beautiful drawing that was drawn by yet another friend we met in Texas on that trip. (We met some very talented people on that trip! Other friend also is an artist, but sadly there weren’t any of her paintings up for auction or we would have bid on it too.)

Ferris and Laura closed out the event by giving out the awards and giving the non-profits the funds that were raised (or at least the ceremonial extra-large checks for now). Today’s event raised approximately $70,000, so $35,000 for each organization! A big thank you to Ferris, Laura, and all their volunteers for everything they did to make today’s event a huge success (at least that’s my opinion of it)! Everyone seemed to have a great time, and the money raised will go a long way to help veterans. I don’t know much about Tillman, but I know first-hand how much good Project Healing Waters is doing all over the country to help wounded veterans.

For more information on Project Healing Waters: http://www.projecthealingwaters.org/

For more information on the Pat Tillman Foundation: http://pattillmanfoundation.org/

For more on our Texas trip: http://bethb09.blogspot.com/2013/12/our-trip-to-texas.html

Trials and Faith

I was recently reading a book and one of the characters was talking about faith and brought up some interesting things to think about. Is faith really faith until it’s tested? It’s one thing to claim we have faith, but it’s another to actually put it into practice. What is faith? The top two definitions on dictionary.com are “confidence or trust in a person or thing” and “belief that is not based on proof”. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The rest of Hebrews 11 goes on to name various men and women in the Bible who had faith in God and lived it not just when times were easy, but especially in the difficult times. Really, if you read through Hebrews 11, most of the people listed and the things that did that were noted as times they were faithful weren’t when life was easy. Most were difficult times when it was easier to doubt or give up. Some died because they would not renounce their faith. Others were required to do things that didn’t make sense at the time. I’m sure the people of Israel were pretty confused when God told them to march around the city of Jericho rather than attack it. Jericho stood in their way and marching around the walls just didn’t make sense. Looking back, I’d bet that it was a lot more clear, but at the time it took faith for them to follow Joshua and march. Abraham and Sarah had faith that God would give them a son even though they had to wait until they were very old before Sarah was able to conceive. They weren’t perfect and their faith faltered. They tried to “help” God by having Abraham have a son with Sarah’s maid, and while that did produce a son, it just messed up the situation. Eventually, in God’s time, Sarah did conceive the son that God had promised. And then God asked the unthinkable of Abraham. He asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, the son of promise. Abraham had faith that God would either allow his son to be spared at the last minute (which is what happened) or that God would raise him from the dead. What God asked of Abraham didn’t make sense. Why would God make Abraham and Sarah wait so long for this son who was to be the father of many nations only to take him away? Even though it didn’t make sense, Abraham had faith in God and acted on it by obeying. Acts 6 and 7 talk about Jesus’ disciples choosing men to help them in the ministry. One of them mentioned was Stephen who was described as being full of faith. The religious leaders of that day did not like the message of Jesus Christ that Stephen was sharing and ended up stoning him. Even knowing that holding onto his faith meant a death sentence, he never let go of his faith or denied it. He died the way he lived, full of faith. His death didn’t make sense. Stephen could have done so much good had he lived. The writer of Acts chose to write a small detail in the account of Stephen’s stoning that you might miss in a first read, but as you continue reading, it makes more sense. He mentioned that a young man named Saul kept the coats of the people stoning Stephen. Saul went on to make it his life’s mission to persecute Christians…until God got ahold of him. Once he was listening to God, I’m sure he remembered Stephen and the words he spoke and the faith he lived. Saul changed his name to Paul and became the first missionary. Those are just a few of the many people in the Bible who lived out their faith in difficult and even deadly times.

What does faith mean in my life? In 2 Timothy, Paul wrote to Timothy regarding his faith and how was passed down from Timothy's grandmother to his mother and from his mother to him. Yes, each person much choose for themselves whether or not they trust God and place their faith in him, but if you’re taught that faith from the time you’re a young child, it comes more naturally. Like Timothy's family, the legacy of faith in God has been passed down for many generations of my family, and I pray that one day that faith will be taken to heart by my son. Back to Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I have never seen God physically, but I have seen Him work. I’ve seen the amazing things He’s created. I’ve seen His miraculous healing. It’s easy to be disheartened at Walter Reed seeing the results of some of the worst that mankind can do to each other. Many are here due to explosions from rockets, IEDs, and RPGs. Those were used to maim and kill our soldiers. Not only did they cause physical damage, they hurt the morale of those who weren’t injured and took their minds off the mission. But that is only part of the story of Walter Reed. People come here badly damaged. Some came and the families were called and told to say their good-byes, yet the soldiers are still alive years later. I don’t believe in the TV “faith healers” and people who make a big show and want your money. I do believe that God works miracles and sometimes uses modern medicine to accomplish them. I’ve seen those miracles. I’m married to one of them.

I have had my faith tested over the past 15 months. I won’t claim to have handled every situation in a Christ-like manner. I’m human after all. I will never be perfect while I’m here on earth. We just have to do our best, ask God to help us do better, and ask for forgiveness when we fail. Some of what my family and I have been through doesn’t make sense. James 1:2-3 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” I can’t say that I’m always joyful regarding the trials I’ve been through. I try not to complain too much, and after I’ve had my pity party and have gotten out the frustration, I do try to find that silver lining. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” I have trouble with this one sometimes. I know to know what’s ahead and be able to plan for it. God’s definitely been working with me on this one because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I can’t plan for what will happen a few months from now. Things are a little more stable now than they were a year ago when I couldn’t plan things even one week in advance, but there is still quite a bit of uncertainty. The road we’re on has been bumpy and confusing, but we haven’t had to walk it alone. Sometimes I ask God “why me?” or “why us?” Why are we going through these tough times? We were happy before. Justin was doing well with his unit. We had a church that we were involved in. Our son was thriving. Why? It just doesn’t make sense. I may never fully know why God has brought us to this place in life, but I have faith that He will help us through the tough times…He’s helped us through many already. Sometimes I need to be reminded to “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.” No matter how bad things get, I know that I can place my trust – my faith – in God and He will help me. I couldn’t have gotten through this without that faith. This part of our journey isn’t over, but God was there for us yesterday, today, and will be there forever, and only He can bring true peace in the midst of the storms of life and bring joy when things are dark and difficult.

Happy birthday and a year of memories

What a difference a year makes! With Justin’s birthday being this week, it made me think back over the past year. It’s been a very eventful year, that’s for sure. Some ups and downs, but I’d have to say that there were a lot more ups and downs. The first 6-8 weeks after his injury were the worst, and by his birthday last year, things had started getting better. He had some setbacks, but he never let them keep him down. Shortly before his birthday last year, he went on his first Project Healing Waters fishing trip. Since then he has been on 6 or 7 more trips with this wonderful organization. We went to the National Zoo a couple times. Justin learned how to drive using hand controls. Justin got to go deer hunting on the Eastern shore of Maryland and shot a nice buck in Texas. He’s hunted hogs in Texas, Georgia, and Florida…and I even shot a hog in Texas. He got a couple all-terrain type wheelchairs for hunting and other outdoor activities. We were able to buy Justin’s dream truck (with the help of a couple grants) and get it adapted with hand controls and a wheelchair crane so that he could have more freedom to go and do things without needing me or someone else to help him. We took Corey to Disney for the first time. Justin starting shooting a compound bow again – both from his wheelchair and standing. He learned how to walk again. He went skiing in a special seated mono-ski, and Corey skied for the first time. Justin’s been able to get back into golfing. He’s not only walked a mile, but he’s walked/jogged a mile with a 45 pound ruck on his back. He was able to do PT with his guys at Ft. Stewart. We’ve had Nerf wars with our neighbors from across the hall. He’s gotten to meet actors, singers, sports figures, politicians, and even President Obama. Justin has probably given quite a few kids nightmares with the stories he comes up with as to what happened to his legs (running with scissors, monsters ate them, they’re gone because he didn’t listen to his parents, a shark ate them, etc). We’ve gotten visits from our former youth pastor, friends, and family members. We’ve made quite a few drives down to Georgia and Florida. We’ve made so many new friends that I can’t even begin to count. We got to be present for the homecoming ceremony for most of Justin’s guys. I’m so thankful for all that they did to get Justin down off the mountain alive. I’m so glad that we were at the ceremony both for Justin and for them. It was wonderful. We’ve been the recipient of so much generosity and kindness in so many different ways. Justin saw his favorite college football team win the national championship (much to my dismay since they’re my team’s in-state rivals). Justin made it into the hometown newspaper multiple times. After several months of his legs changing and having to get new sockets nearly every week, his legs have finally stabilized enough to be in carbon fiber sockets (which he’s been in for about a month with no problems or changes needed). We became first-time home owners after our hometown renovated and gave us a house. His leg was used to hit a piñata at his cousin’s birthday party. He’s climbed the rock wall (he tried a year ago before he got prosthetics and it didn’t go so well). He’s gotten back into weight lifting and working out in the gym outside of his PT. And just today, Justin got his running legs and ran for the first time post-injury!

Yes, there have been multiple setbacks and additional surgeries, but the list of negatives is a whole lot smaller than all the great memories we’ve had over the past year. Over the past year, Justin has set many short-term goals and has achieved almost all of them already. He’s checked things off of his “bucket list” (like hunting in Texas). We’ve gotten through the past year with a lot of prayer, some tears, a lot of laughs, and a lot of love from friends and family. Justin may tick me off and bring out the worst in me at times, but he also makes me laugh like nobody else can and he brings out the best in me. I wouldn’t trade him for the world and I’m so thankful that we’re going through this journey together. He is an amazing man and I am so proud of everything he’s accomplished over the past year (and years before that, but this year especially). Happy birthday, Justin! I hope we make another long list of good memories over the next year and years to come!

first attempt at rock climbing post-injury

rock climbing one year later

hunting in Sharptown, MD

Thanksgiving with family

walking on two legs!

the new "man cave"

running legs!

homecoming ceremony for Justin's guys

hunting in Texas

 

ribbon cutting for our new house

Stars and Stripers Tournament 2014

Today we went to the Project Healing Waters Stars and Stripers fly fishing tournament. Justin wasn’t in the tournament part since he was in it last year (and won 3^rd place), but he did do some fishing. Being out there today made me think about last year and how far Justin’s come since then. Last year’s tournament was Justin’s first fishing trip with PHW. He had only been out of the hospital about a month, and it was probably one of the first really good memories that we made post-injury…and likely, one of the first pleasant things Justin actually remembers during his time at Walter Reed (the heavy pain medications caused him not to remember the majority of the first 6-8 weeks post injury). We didn’t have our vehicle up here yet, so we caught a ride on the PHW van. Justin was in a wheelchair and had to transfer from the chair on the dock to the boat. Then they carried his chair onto the boat and he was pretty much stuck in one place to fish. It did him a world of good to get away from Walter Reed and get out in the fresh air and sunshine doing one of his favorite hobbies. And if that wasn’t good enough, the tournament was held the weekend before his birthday, so it was like an early birthday treat to get to fish.

(Justin and his guide at last year's tournament)

Fast forward a year. This morning, we woke up before the sun and got ready. Then we went out to our truck and Justin drove (with his special hand control adaptations) to the marina. We left the wheelchair behind and Justin walked in his prosthetics all day and move around the fishing boat as needed. We saw many familiar faces from last year’s tournament. After the tournament last year, the local newspapers ran an article about it, and the lady from the marina saved some copies for us and gave them to us today. It was so nice of her to hold onto those papers for a year, not knowing if we’d even be there. While Justin was fishing, Corey and I went on the tour boat and enjoyed being on the water. The boat captain brought us around so that we could see Justin and the other participants. We happened to be near Justin when he caught one of his fish. On the way back, it started to sprinkle, and by the time the rest of the boats got back, it was pour. The rain didn’t dampen anyone’s spirits. We all just squeezed a little closer at the tables that were under the awnings to eat our lunch. Justin had forgotten to take his meds until afternoon, so we ended up leaving before the awards were presented because his legs were hurting. Hopefully our Walter Reed representative placed!

One of the big mantras with PHW is that it’s not just about the fish, it’s about the relationships that are formed. It’s so true. The people Justin hangs out with the most are the ones that are in PHW. One of the most fun parts about events is catching up with people from other PHW chapters that we had met at a different event. The majority of the people who work with PHW are volunteers, and they work with the injured service members and veterans on a weekly basis because they truly care. I’m so thankful for this program which gives Justin a chance to get away from all the stresses of his rehab and enjoy a day on the water catching fish. He’s never come back from a fishing outing or event and said he wished he hadn’t gone. Instead, he always comes back feeling refreshed and feeling more like himself. He has a smile on his face and is eager for the next PHW trip.

The Gift of Blood

In 2006, my grandfather went into the hospital for what was supposed to be a relatively routine back surgery. I don’t remember all the medical terminology, but he ended up being in the hospital for about a month and needed to receive blood transfusions. After seeing Bubba survive that ordeal thanks to people who donated their own blood to help strangers, I signed up to donate the next time the blood donation bus came to the place where I worked. I hate needles and having seen people pass out after donating, it kind of freaked me out a little, but I knew it was something I needed to do. After the first time, I realized it wasn’t so bad, and I at least attempted to donate every time the bus came. After I had donated a few times, I got my mom to join me in donating. She would come to where I worked, and we would donate together. We even donated together one time when we saw a mobile blood donation bus in the parking lot of Walmart when we were out shopping. Once I got married and moved and it wasn’t as convenient to donate (as in, the donation location didn’t come to me), I didn’t donate as often, but I still managed to find a location every now and then

In February 2012, I was in town visiting family for my birthday, and my brother-in-law, Matt, and I decided that we would both donate blood after my birthday lunch (which was in the same plaza as the donation location). While at lunch, we convinced my other brother-in-law, Chris, to join us. Matt and I had both donated blood multiple times, but this was Chris’ first (and only) time. Chris was fascinated by the whole donation process. That was one of my last memories of Chris as he died in a plane crash later that month. Even though Chris is no longer with us, someone else may still be alive today because of the gift Chris gave that day.

Last year, as most of you know, my husband was seriously injured while deployed in Afghanistan. The medic and another of the soldiers in Justin’s platoon did what they could to slow down/stop the bleeding, but Justin lost a lot of blood that day. Not only did he lose blood, but he lost 14 inches of his legs. Blood is produced by the bone marrow, and he lost 28 inches (14 per leg) of blood producing bone marrow from the longest bones in his body. This means his body’s ability to make up for what was lost was hampered considerably. Over the first month post-injury, Justin received more units of blood than I can remember. For at least the first two weeks, they gave him more blood every time he had a surgical procedure. He likely would not have survived without the blood transfusions – without the people who chose to donate blood to help others.

I realize that not everyone can donate due to medical reasons, restrictions due to countries that have visited or lived in, or various other reasons. But for those who are able, please consider visiting your local blood donation center and giving the gift of life. Each donation is equal to 3 units of blood, so potentially, your gift could save up to three lives, and since you can donate up to 24 times a year (every 8 weeks), that could be up to 72 lives every year! Blood is needed for trauma victims, injured service members, cancer patients, premature babies, and many other medical issues.

Donating blood is a very important cause for me since people that I love are alive today because of it. The ALS ice bucket challenge has gone viral and has brought in a lot of visibility and financial support for ALS research. Justin’s birthday is coming up this month, and in honor of it, I would like to challenge you, my friends and anyone else reading this, to donate blood. Donating blood takes a lot more effort than dumping a bucket of water on your head or donating money. It takes time, and can leave you feeling a little out of it afterwards. You have to be smart about it and make sure you are eating and hydrating properly both before and after the donation. But, there is no substitute for blood when it comes to saving lives, and ambulances, emergency rooms, and operating rooms all over the country need help to keep supplied. They need blood of all types, particularly O- which is the universal donor. Whether you can donate or not, please share this and get the word out to donate, and please, please consider donating – even if it’s just once, it can still save lives!

If you are in Florida, visit http://www.oneblood.org/ to find a blood donation location near you.

If you are in the military, visit http://www.militaryblood.dod.mil/default.aspx for the Armed Service Blood Program information and location.

If you are in other states, I would suggest contacting your local Red Cross and they can probably point you in the right direction.

Scars

What is a scar? According to dictionary.com, a scar is a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn or a lasting aftereffect of trouble, especially a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma. Physical scars can often tell a story. I look at my own scars, and they bring back memories of things that have happened in my past. Some of those memories are more pleasant than others, though at the time when the injury occurred, very few of them were all that pleasant. Looking back, I can laugh about many of them. Probably one of the funniest was a small scar on my right hand that came from a scratch inflicted upon me by my friend, Rebecca, during a particularly enthusiastic game of Spoons. I’ll confess, I did laugh at the time when I was injured on that occasion. Probably my biggest scars are from my first teen camp. Hiking on an incline in sandals is ill advised…trust me. I was fortunate that I didn’t break any bones. I did need a tetanus shot and a bunch of stitches on my left knee. Being in the emergency room in a small town in North Carolina the same night as there was a carnival in town made for an interesting experience. Another funny one was the small scar just below my left kneecap. I got that one when I fell up the down escalator. Think about that one for a minute. I was at the mall shopping with my pastor’s wife, my friend, Rebecca (pastor’s daughter…same one who inflicted the Spoons injury), and my sister. We decided it would be fun to go the wrong way on the down escalator. I was the last one to go, and in the process of running up, I fell. After falling in an upward motion, the escalator started to take me down. I looked up to see some grumpy people waiting to go down and could not see any of the people that I was shopping with. They had walked away pretending not to know me. We all laughed about it after I cleaned myself up.

My scars are small and most of the stories that go along with them are of minor injuries. Only a few needed stitches and only one involved a broken bone. Here are Walter Reed, the scars are due to very serious injuries. Their scars tell very different stories from mine. You see a scar on someone’s throat, the chances are high that they had to have a tracheotomy to allow them to breathe. Straight scars are typically due to medical procedures. Jagged scars from usually from the initial injuries. Smaller scars tend to be from shrapnel. Some scars are the result of pulling together the remaining skin over what’s left of a person’s limb. Other scars are from procedures that were necessary for the person to be able to walk again. Some scars aren’t physical, but cause emotional or mental pain. Some wounds (both physical and other) are still healing and the scar tissue hasn’t formed yet. Walter Reed doesn’t really have a burn unit, but since many of the injuries were caused by explosions of some sort, they deal with less serious burns and the scars they leave behind. The scars you see here tell some serious stories that involve pain that I don’t even want to imagine. It was hard enough holding Justin’s hand through the worst of it. I can’t even begin to know what he was feeling, and honestly, I’m thankful that the pain medications caused him not to remember most of the first 6-8 weeks post injury. But as serious as the injuries, and as high of a number of scars here, the scars don’t make these men and women victims. Nobody here refers to the injured as “war victims”, they are called “wounded warriors”. Not only were most injured during service to our country, they have continued to fight now that they’re back. They fight to regain what was lost. They fight to find the “new normal”. If they see someone having a tough time, they’ll pick them up and fight with them. Life as they now know it may be difficult at times, but I haven’t heard any of them talk about giving up. They have too much life still to live, so many things still to do and accomplish. Scars are not evidence of having lost, they are evidence of healing. No, Justin will never get his original legs and feet back, but that doesn’t stop him from doing the things he loves. His injuries, his scars, may have changed how he looks, but they didn’t change who he is.

I was reading a book this evening which is what got me thinking about scars. The characters were talking about the resurrection of Jesus and of His scars. When Jesus rose from the grave, He could have removed all of His scars and had a perfect body. Instead, He chose to keep the scars as evidence of the sacrifice that He made for us. When Thomas doubted, Jesus told him to touch the scars on His hands and side. Jesus' scars tell a story of pain, of sacrifice, of grace, of forgiveness, and of love. Jesus willingly endured pain and death to forgive my sins and to give me the hope of Heaven after I die, and not just me, but every person who has ever and will ever live. Those are some pretty awesome scars that tell a wonderful story.

Welcome Home

Nearly six months ago, I received a phone call regarding our hometown wanting to give us a house. It seemed too good to be true, and the pessimistic side of me kept waiting for things to fall through. I didn’t want to let myself get too excited, but it was difficult not to. Due to being in Maryland, we had to do many things long distance including picking out the house. My dad went with Bob from the city of Palm Bay and checked out the houses and helped us decide which one would best suit our needs. Let me tell you, the house we picked is not the house we received. Yes, it’s at the same physical location and has the same basic structure, but the community came together and repainted, remodeled to make it wheelchair accessible and made it look totally different both inside and outside. When we were on convalescent leave in April, we were able to visit the house to see the “before”. Bob told us not to look at it for how it was at that time, but to look at it and see the potential. Over the course of the next four months, I watched the transformation through pictures other people posted online or sent to me. The most amazing part about it was that the majority of the work was done by volunteers and by businesses that volunteered their time, resources, and labor. It’s humbling to think about how many hours were put in by mostly strangers who heard about Justin and his injuries and wanted to help us.

the "before"

the "after"

On Wednesday (two days ago), we unpacked the Penske truck and the POD unit with the help of about a dozen volunteers. I thought that the platoon from Ft. Stewart made good time packing the POD in a couple hours, but the unpacking went even faster – about 35 minutes from unlocking the POD to it being empty. My parents and I spent most of Wednesday and Thursday at the house unpacking boxes, organizing, and making the house look and feel like a home. My dad and I didn’t leave the house until 11 last night finishing up the last little things to prepare for the ribbon cutting/open house that happened today.

Today was the big day. We started our morning with a limo in the driveway to take us to the title place where we signed for the house. When we arrived at the title place, they literally rolled out a red carpet for us. While we were there, we did an on camera interview for the city of Palm Bay.

When it was time to leave, the police blocked off the streets between the title agency and our house (about 7 miles). We were escorted by police, a large group of motorcycles (my mom estimated around 100 and many of the riders were veterans), and quite a few people in cars. People along the route were holding signs and waving to us. When we arrived on our street, there were cars, people, and news crews lining both sides of the street and a fire truck with a flag waving from the ladder. It was awesome to see our hometown come together in support for us. There were between 200-300 people at our house this morning. I’ve always loved my hometown, but this was above and beyond anything I ever imagined.

They started off the ribbon cutting ceremony in prayer asking God to bless our house and our family. I really appreciated that since our faith in God has been so important to us especially over the past year. Then they thanked the various elected officials and volunteers. A few people gave speeches. The brought the flag down from the fire truck and posted it in the flag holder at the front of the house. Justin’s not big on speaking, so he handed the microphone off to me to thank everyone. I’m better at putting my words into writing than public speaking, and it was hard to put into words how much we appreciate the gift of support that we received from so many. Then it was time to cut the ribbon. Dave Isnardi pulled out the biggest pair of scissors that I had ever seen and Corey and the Palm Bay mayor, William Capote, cut the ribbon and Dave handed us the key. Then it was a bit of a meet and greet/open house/BBQ lunch. The news crews from the 4 major networks, local cable news station, and local newspaper interviewed Justin and me. It was quite a unique experience to be in front of so many cameras and microphones at once. I think I prefer the computer screen. lol We got to chat with family and friends who came and met more people than I’ll ever remember names for…though I will never forget their kindness. Some of our friends from Sharptown, MD (Heroes Haven) were able to be there to celebrate with us. It was an amazing day. We are so blessed – not just by the gift of a house, but by the love shown to us which is so much more important at the end of the day. I’m so thankful for the city of Palm Bay doing this not just for us, but for 20-35 families. The project started with us and keeps growing. It’s amazing!

If you're in the Palm Bay, FL area and would like to get involved with this project for future homes, here are some links:

Space Coast Paratroopers Association

Homes for Warriors

Here are some links to the local news stations/paper regarding our house:

http://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/local/2014/08/01/wounded-veteran-given-new-home-in-palm-bay/13466687/

our motorcycle escort

http://ltnews.brevardtimes.com/2014/08/home-for-warriors-hero-inauguration.html

http://www.myfoxorlando.com/story/26176399/palm-bay-hero-returns-home-receives-keys-to-new-house

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/wounded-army-sergeant-receives-mortgage-free-home-/ngsZ5/
http://www.clickorlando.com/news/wounded-vet-given-new-home-in-brevard/27267238

our new bedroom

master bathroom

Justin's new "man cave"

the wonderful businesses who partnered with the city to make our house a home