By way of introduction

My name is Beth, and I'm a proud Army wounded warrior's wife and mother of an energetic 4 year old. My life today is nothing like I expected it to be, but life seldom goes as expected. My husband, Justin, and I have been married 5 years. He has been in the Army for 8 years, deployed to Iraq once and Afghanistan twice. It was on his third deployment - second deployment to Afghanistan - that he was hit by a 107mm rocket and lost both legs below the knee. Within a week, he was flown to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center where we've been for the past year. I've shared much of our journey via Facebook, but quite a few people have suggested that I start a blog, so here I am. I'm going to attempt to go back and post some of my notes from Facebook on here to catch up from the past year.

*Figured out how to change the dates on the post to reflect when I originally posted them, so if you want to read back, they'll be in order from the one month post-injury update that I wrote.

One Year update and our weekend trip

What can I say to sum up a whole year? This time a year ago, I was in Georgia with my friends Katie and Neil waiting to hear more news on Justin’s condition. My parents were on their way up from Florida. I had no clue where life would take us at that point. When I packed my suitcase, I figured that I would be gone for a few weeks until he got well enough to continue his rehab and such at Ft. Stewart. I could not have been more wrong. One year later and we’re still at Walter Reed and it’s looking like we won’t be leaving for another year (unless the paperwork for the Army and VA get through with no/minimal mistakes which the chances are slim to none of that happening).

After he was injured, Justin spent about 6 weeks inpatient. He was on quite a cocktail of pain medication and remembers very little about those first 6 weeks post-injury. I’ve been asked how many surgeries he’s had, and I honestly can’t remember because it’s been so many. He’s been readmitted to inpatient four times due to one or both legs not healing properly. Since the most recent time in March, both legs are finally closed! Also since March, Justin has gotten off all of the pain medication (aside from meds for his nerve pain), and he feels 100% better. Justin’s been on two legs for a month now and is doing great. He’s still working to find a balance between overdoing and pushing himself. He definitely can’t be accused of slacking when it comes to working toward getting better. Now his progress is dependent on his effort rather than waiting for his body to heal which was out of his control. His occupational therapist told him this morning that he’s about to the point where he won’t need OT anymore, so they’re going to be transitioning him from one hour of PT and one hour of OT to two hours of PT. (For those who don’t know the difference, OT works more with regaining the ability to do activities of daily living and PT works more on regaining strength and mobility.) He’s definitely making some great progress!

I know I’ve said a lot about Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing over the last year, and I’ve got more to say. Some of the other non-profits have helped us out a great deal, but PHW is the only one that we see every week and multiple times in a week if there’s a fishing trip. This past weekend was a fishing trip weekend. The thing that was the most different about this trip is that Justin was able to fish standing up for the first time since he was injured. He did a great job walking (with a cane) on uneven terrain and keeping his balance while casting and reeling in the fish…and he caught some nice fish. Corey had a great time hitching a ride on the various golf carts and ATVs and playing with the other kids. He got to help Justin’s teammate pick out which flies to use (and was given flies for his own box by quite a few of the volunteers). At dinner, a couple of the participants got up to tell their stories of how PHW has helped them. It got me thinking. Every participant has their own story, and I’d guess that the volunteers and staff have stories to tell as well. The story of how it all got started is pretty neat too. It all started with the founder of PHW having to be hospitalized at Walter Reed. As he was recovering, he saw the things they were doing in the occupational therapy areas to help with fine motor skills and that got him to thinking about how fly tying could help and it grew from there. Now there are PHW chapters in 49 of the 50 states (and they’re working on state #50). For Justin, it’s a chance to hang out with people who have similar interests. They’re people who have been in similar situations and are also overcoming obstacles. The volunteers come every week and are such an encouragement. Fishing is the overall theme, but there’s so much more to it than catching fish. You can see it the most at the fishing trips. At the beginning of the day, everyone’s kind of tired and more subdued. They introduce themselves to the people who came from other chapters and to the volunteers and make small talk. By the end of the day, everyone is swapping stories and talking like they’ve know each other for years. E-mail addresses and phone numbers are exchanged, new friends are added on Facebook, and friendships are formed.

Then there’s the other aspect of it…being out on the water. Project Healing Waters is not a religious organization, but the concept of healing waters is. In Psalm 23, David wrote “he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul.” Jesus talks about being the Living Water. In Bethesda (the Biblical one, not the one in Maryland – though here at Walter Reed in Bethesda, MD, God has healed many people through medical advances and some amazing doctors), people with various infirmities waited by a pool for an angel to stir up the waters, and then they’d jump in and hope to be healed. Even fishing is mentioned in the Bible. Being a fisherman prior to being chosen as a disciple is the highest percentage of Jesus’ disciples. As a kid, I learned the song “Peace Like a River”. The hymn “It is Well With my Soul” start out with the phrase “When peace like a river attendeth my way”. God is the only one who can bring true healing and peace, but I believe that he can use circumstances and surroundings to help. Bring out on the water, I feel the stress melt away, and I can just sit and enjoy the sounds of the water, hear the birds chirping, and just relax. When we moved to Georgia from Germany, we were house hunting. We didn’t like living so close to so many other people and wanted some peace and quiet. We were blessed to find a house to rent right on a tidal creek. I loved being able to walk out the back door and be able to just sit and watch the water. This kind of relaxation is so important for so many people. For Justin, going to appointments every day and dealing with the bureaucratic red tape, hearing the sounds of construction, traffic, and sirens is draining. Project Healing Waters gives him the opportunity to get away from all that and just relax. Catching fish is the object, but so much more is accomplished on these trips.

Over the past year, we’ve had ups and downs, progress and setbacks, blessings and frustrations. I’ve asked God “why?” more times than I can remember. I don’t believe that questioning the purpose of all this is wrong. I think it shows that I have faith that God has a reason even though I don’t always see it or understand it. God may not always clearly show me the reasons, but I know that He will bring us through the difficult times. He’s brought us through the past year and hopefully the worst is behind us. He’s blessed us in ways we never expected. He’s provided in ways we never even thought to ask both in big and small ways. Thinking about what the future holds is both exciting and scary. I’m so thankful that I know that God is in control and nothing that happens is a surprise to Him. I don’t know why Justin was injured, but I’m thankful that God protected him from worse injuries and death. I’m thankful for the men that were up on the mountain with Justin that saved his life. I’m thankful for the doctors and nurses that have helped Justin in the healing process. I’m thankful for the therapists who have helped Justin get to where he is today. I’m thankful for family and friends who have helped us and encouraged us along this journey. I’m thankful for Justin and his determined spirit. He doesn’t let his injuries keep him down. He pushes himself and keeps a good sense of humor (warped as it may be). We are blessed in so many ways.

He caught his first fish of the day STANDING!

Save our Vets

A few weeks ago, Michelle Obama, various celebrities, and people all over the internet were hashtagging (is that even a word?) to bring attention to the Nigerian girls that were kidnapped by an evil man. First of all, putting a pound sign (aka hashtag) in front of a catchy phrase does not solve any of the world’s problems. Neither does “tweeting” about it. You cannot replace foreign or domestic policy and action with social media. Period. That aside, what happened and is currently happening to those girls is horrible. It needs to be addressed and those girls need to be reunited with their families. The kidnappers need to be punished. You’d think the Nigerian government would be concerned about it. If something like that happened in our country, local police, state police, FBI, and various other law enforcement agencies would get involved and do everything in their power to free the children. See how many Americans got involved via social media? Americans care about children.

That brings me to the main point of what I’m writing tonight. Where is the social media outrage about the horrible care our nation’s veterans are receiving? Where is Michelle Obama’s hashtag? Where’s the catchy phrase people post all over to bring attention to this huge problem? I guess #saveourvetsfromgovernmentrunhealthcare isn’t quite as catchy. How about #eliminatesecretwaitinglists or #fixtheVAbacklog? How many veterans have to die while awaiting medical care before people take notice?

Men and women have sacrificed so much in service to our country. For some wars, they didn’t even have a choice whether they wanted to serve or not. Their number was called, and they went to war. Others have volunteered to protect our country since its founding. Our post-9/11 wars were made up completely of volunteers. Regardless of the reasons for joining and whether they were volunteers or drafted, they made sacrifices. Serving in the military is not always kind to the service member’s body. Even before losing his legs, Justin’s body had taken a beating. The heavy gear often causes compression of the spine. Somehow, he managed to get a fracture in his back that he was unaware of until he was at Walter Reed. It had already started to heal, so it was prior to the blast that took his legs. It would take me a while to list all of the injuries he’s sustained…and that’s just prior to June 9, 2013. And that’s considered normal for someone in his occupation. Now, take the beat up body of a 20-something soldier and add 40 years to it. Add in some of the normal problems that come with aging (though many started having these problems like hearing loss at a much younger age) and in the veteran population, there’s probably quite a few who get cancer of some sort. With a lot of medical conditions, early detection and treatment have a HUGE impact on survival rates. Now throw in secret waiting lists and backlogs and we’ve got a problem. No accountability because the people our veterans have entrusted their medical care to are the ones hiding the fact there even was a problem. These men and women deserve so much better. They have made so many sacrifices already. Should they be expected to sacrifice their lives because of a waiting list that nobody can see?

Justin is still active duty and is not yet in the VA system. Honestly, the thought of him being subjected to all this scares me. Recently, he spoke with a fellow amputee who drove about 18 hours to come to Walter Reed because the VA in his area wasn’t taking care of his needs. He is out of the military now and was having trouble getting a new prosthetic that he needed. Thankfully he had the option of coming to Walter Reed, but what if he couldn’t have afforded the trip? What if he was physically unable to drive so far? The VA system let him down. Fortunately for him, it wasn’t a life threatening issue, but it certainly effected his daily living. What will it be like for Justin when he’s no longer active duty? I hope and pray that they get things fixed before he has to deal with it.

The people who caused this tragic mess need to be held accountable. Eric Shinseki, former head of the VA, resigned today after politicians on both sides and veteran groups called for it for weeks. People lost faith in his ability to fix the problems that happened under his watch. His resignation does not fix the problems and he should not be the only one that loses a job over it. They investigation is looking into how widespread this issue is, and the deeper they look into it, the worse it gets. This should be cause for a public outrage. The majority of the people I know either have served/are serving in the military or have a family member who has served/is serving. I was homeschooled and my homeschool group had 8 of us who graduated together. Of those 8, 4 joined various branches of the military, and 2 of us married service members. Both of my grandfathers served. With having so many friends and family members who are veterans, this is a subject I am very passionate about. Our service members deserve the best. Everyone from the person at the VA call center who scheduled appointments all the way to the top need to be held accountable for their actions which led to the deaths of too many veterans – and by too many I say that one is one too many. Politicians need to set aside their difference, stop pointing fingers at each other, and fix the problem. This isn’t just an issue for politicians, this is an issue that has a personal impact on Americans as a whole. Our military serves and protects our country. What happens when people stop volunteering to serve because they don’t want to be left to die on a never ending waiting list? Let’s not let our country let down those who have served and sacrificed!

What is a Hero?

What is a hero? In today’s society, you’ll likely find a different answer to this question for each person you ask. (My 4 year old) Corey’s answer is, “It’s a guy who saves people.” When I asked him if he could name some heroes, he didn’t answer, so I asked him if specific professions were heroes. I asked him if football players were heroes and he answered “no.” I asked him about basketball players and once again, his answer was, “no.” I asked him about soldiers and his answer was, “yes! My daddy is a hero!” Then I asked him if Superman was a hero, and his answer was, “yes.”

I think we can all agree that comic book characters with special powers that they use to save the world in every situation could be considered heroes of a fictitious variety. But who are the real life heroes? The media has lauded Jason Collins as a hero for being the first openly gay professional athlete. Collins even received a phone call from President Obama to congratulate him on his bravery for “coming out”. Then there’s Michael Sam who declared that he was gay to the sports world shortly before the NFL draft and then became the first openly gay athlete to be drafted to a professional sports team. Does declaring one’s sexual preference make him/her a hero? I personally don’t think so. If so, let me declare that I am straight and I’ll proudly post a picture of myself kissing Justin. That doesn’t make me a hero. To be fair, let me swing to the right side and ask, does Tim Tebow’s open declarations regarding his faith make him a hero? I don’t think it does. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Tim Tebow fan since his days playing for University of Florida. I respect the stand he makes for God, and if I had to pick a professional athlete to point to my son as someone to look up to and have as a role model, I’d pick Tebow, BUT a role model is very different from a hero.

Some might say that President Obama is a hero because he is the first African American president of the United States. I would disagree. The position of President of the United States is to be respected regardless of skin color. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” I personal agree. A person should not be judged, whether for good or bad, by the color of their skin. I will not call someone a hero because his skin is darker than mine. I will also not call someone a hero because his skin is similar to mine. Skin color does not define a person, so I will not use it as a criterion to determine hero status or criminal status. There are good and bad people of all skin colors. The same could be said of gender. Being a woman in a male dominated field doesn’t make her a hero. Being a woman doesn’t make her any better or worse of a person than a man.

Being the first to do something doesn’t make one a hero either. It’s the action itself that is the determining factor. Is being gay a heroic thing? No. Is being a Christian a heroic thing? No. Is being a professional athlete a heroic thing? No. Is being the President a heroic thing? No. Is being a woman a heroic thing? No. It’s what people in those (and other) categories DO that can be deemed as heroic, not a single aspect of who they are. I think it’s an insult to true heroes to say otherwise. And no, I’m not talking about the type that fly around wearing capes.

If you want to see true heroes, go to a homecoming ceremony at your closest military post/base. I guarantee you’ll see a field or gymnasium full of them. Some may have done more heroic deeds than others, but all of them made sacrifices for the good of our country. Visit your local police precinct or fire station. These men and women don’t just work 9-5 and then clock out. They have people working around the clock to keep us safe. Most can’t just leave their work at the office. They are on call in case of trouble. Go to a hospital and you’ll see doctors and nurses who through medical advancements save lives daily – especially those in military field hospitals and emergency rooms where they see some of the worst injuries and are the first to treat them. And speaking of hospitals, come to Walter Reed. You can’t go very far without seeing heroes. They arrive here with broken bodies on top of the everyday sacrifices they have made serving in the military, but most don’t let that keep them down. Watch them in physical therapy struggling to find their “new normal”. Their perseverance and drive is amazing to watch. What many would see as a disability, they see as a challenge to overcome. And they have an amazing support system of family members, friends, therapists, and non-profits to help find creative ways to work around their physical limitations. To find another group of heroes, visit a military cemetery like Arlington. These heroes will not be able to tell you their stories. They are the ones that paid the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country. I’m sure I left some people out, but you get my point. Heroism isn’t what is done on a sports field or court. It’s definitely not what’s done in the bedroom and with whom it’s being done. It isn’t words said from behind a microphone. It’s actions done by people who make sacrifices, save people’s lives, protect, and serve.

Memorial Day

When I was a kid, I didn't grasp the significance of Memorial Day. For me, it was a day off school that signified that summer was just around the corner...and usually meant a trip to the beach followed by my first sunburn of the season. As I got older, I learned that Memorial Day was to honor the brave men and women who have served our country and paid the ultimate sacrifice, but until Justin deployed the first time, these were just names and faces with no personal significance to my life. On the day Justin deployed for the first time, a couple of the other ladies were talking and wondering which of the guys that they had hung out with and been around at parties wouldn't be coming home and hoping desperately that it wouldn't be their loved ones. Justin lost people he knew during all of his deployments. During this deployment, Justin came close to being one of those that gave all - instead, he just gave his legs. A big sacrifice, but I'm thankful to be celebrating his "alive day" in just a few weeks rather than visiting his grave on Memorial Day. Please remember the families of those who gave their lives - for the ones lost during a recent deployment, their pain is still fresh, for others the pain is dulled, but there will always be a hole that their loved one used to fill.

The widow of a soldier from Ft. Stewart with her husband's (Sgt. Stefen Smith) remains. Freedom is not free.

The New Normal - First Flight Post-Injury

Here is a piece I wrote for the Operation Ward 57 blog. http://www.operationward57.org/2014/05/first-flight-post-injury/

About six months after Justin was injured, he was booked for a hunting trip in south Texas. This was his first time flying commercially since he lost his legs. We had both heard news stories and read articles regarding poor treatment of passengers with special needs by the TSA, and had some concerns. Justin had just started walking with one leg before the trip and was still waiting for his other leg to heal. There was no way he could safely walk through the security scanners. He also had to bring along a cooler with ice packs and his IV infusion medication, and I was worried that they would puncture them or try to make us throw them away. And those were just the top things on my list of concerns with flying.

I checked the websites for the airline and the TSA in search of disability accommodations. Both had contact numbers to call, so I did. I explained that my husband was a wounded warrior and told them about his physical limitations and needed medications. Both the TSA and airline were extremely helpful on the phone, but I still had my doubts regarding how my husband would be treated and how his physical limitations would be handled.

The day before our trip, I was contacted by the TSA agent at our departure airport. He explained how things would work and asked what time we planned to arrive at the airport. He also called the morning of our trip to confirm what time we would arrive and how many checked bags we would be bringing. When we got to the airport, he was waiting at the curb for us. He had our boarding passes printed and the tag for our checked bag. He checked our bag and helped carry our carry-on bags. Since we were early for our flight, he brought us up to the lounge to wait until closer to boarding time. He then brought us to the front of the security check point. The agents treated Justin with the utmost respect and both he and his medication made it through with no problems.

At our layover, we were met by another TSA agent who brought us from our arriving gate to our departure gate. As we boarded our next flight, we found that the airline had upgraded us to first class! We had seats on the first row of the plane! Aside from the perks of being first class, being so close to the front made it easier for Justin to get into his seat, and he had easier access to the restroom. This was an unexpected blessing.

When we arrived at our final destination, we were met by another TSA agent who assisted us with our baggage, stayed with us while we waited for our checked bag, and helped us out to the car. She gave me her phone number and informed us that she would be assisting us for our return flight and to call her if we had any questions and to let her know when we expected to arrive at the airport.

For the return flight, we had several people from our trip who were on our first flight. One of the men was paralyzed and in a wheelchair and another was a double amputee who was on prosthetics. Neither had thought to contact the TSA and had a more difficult time going to Texas. Since they were with us for their return flights, they had a much easier time going through security and to the gate.

Calling the airline ahead helped insure that an aisle wheelchair was waiting at the gates to assist in board and leaving the planes since Justin’s normal wheelchair is too wide to fit down the aisles. I am so thankful that the TSA made our air travel so much easier than I had anticipated. Having the help to get through security and the extra set of hands to help me with the luggage was such a relief. I will definitely be calling them ahead of any future commercial air travel because their assistance was invaluable. I cannot think of anything more that the TSA or the airline could have done to improve our travel experience.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

I have never appreciated my mom so much as I have in the past year. She is one of the most selfless and giving people that I know. She has always been there when I needed her even if it meant flying to a different country to be there for the birth of my son. In fact, she’s been there for the birth of every grandchild of hers regardless of what state or country the little one was born in. When I needed her the most, on the day that Justin was injured, she and dad dropped everything to come be and Corey and me. They waited anxiously with me for word on Justin’s condition. They stayed at my house an extra day so that they could take Corey to his first and only tee-ball game. They took Corey home with them and have cared for him for many weeks over the past year while I focused on caring for Justin. Even after my grandparents moved in with my parents so that mom could help take care of my Grandma, my mom still agreed to let Corey stay with them for a few weeks while Justin was inpatient for another surgery. She agreed with no hesitation even though I hated to ask because I knew it would put more on her already busy plate. I appreciate and love her more than I could ever begin to tell her. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

I would also like to wish my Mother-in-law a happy Mother's Day! She raised three boys and is still raising their daughter...and they didn't always make it easy. lol She started young with having children, but finished school, got a college degree, and had a career as a respiratory therapist. She gave up that career to spend more time with her kids and eventually homeschooled Regan. Corey loves his Mamaw very much and spent a lot of time with her when he came up for a couple weeks while Justin was initially inpatient. I am thankful that Corey was able to come up during that difficult time and thankful that I had help with him.

I also want to recognize the amazing moms here at Walter Reed. The first are the moms caring for their adult sons and daughters. They thought they were done with the day to day care, but then something happened that changed that. For some it was during a deployment, for others it was during training, or automobile accidents. Whatever the reason, they left behind their lives and came here. Some were only here while their son or daughter was inpatient, others have stayed until someone else was able to come take over, and others will be here until their son or daughter leaves Walter Reed. They have left behind spouses, other children who still live at home, careers, pets, and friends. They have sacrificed their own “normal” to help their son or daughter find their “new normal”. The second type is the spouse of the wounded warrior who is both caring for her husband while raising their children. Falling in this second type, I can tell you, it’s a tough job. It’s a balancing act trying to give both Justin and Corey the care they deserve. Thankfully Justin is getting to a point where he’s fairly independent, but it’s been a long road to get to this point. The most difficult times have been when he’s inpatient. Corey does not like hospitals. It scares him to see Justin in pain and a small hospital room isn’t the type place that an active little boy like Corey enjoys being for very long (or at all). I’m so thankful for Justin’s Granny who has come when we called to help with Corey during these times. She’s made juggling my priorities so much easier. She’s cared for Corey while I spent time with Justin, and she spent time with Justin while I hung out with Corey when he just needed his mommy.

Another group of moms that I want to thank are the mothers who choose to love someone else’s children. These could be foster moms, adoptive moms, and step-moms. For some it’s stepping in and raising family members when the parents had passed away or were unable to care for the children. Others have felt the call to foster. They come to love these children and it breaks their heart to have to give them up not knowing if they’ll ever see the child again. Others choose to grow their families by adoption (some of these adoptions started out as fostering). These mothers choose to love their adopted children. For some kids, their adoptive parents are the only parents they’ve ever known. Other kids are adopted a bit older and come with baggage. It’s amazing for me to watch from the outside and see the transformation that occurs from the time the child is first adopted and how they grow and thrive with the love of their new mother (and father). For others it’s when one or both parents already have children from previous relationships when they marry. The step-parent does not take the place of the biological parent (in most cases, though in some the step-parent treats the child better than the bio parent), but comes to love the children because they love the person they married. It’s easy to love a child that is your own. For most, it comes naturally. I don’t have to force myself to love my son. I love him, if for no other reason, because he is my son. The types of mothers I just mentioned choose to love the children that they have brought into their lives. They have given these children a priceless gift, and in many cases, this love has changed their lives. I pray that God will bless them greatly for the blessing they have brought to the lives of these children.

I’d like to ask for prayer for those who are missing their moms today. Some have just lost them in the past year and the pain of the loss is still fresh. Prayers also for the mothers who have lost children…even if they never were able to hold the precious little one in their arms. A special prayer also for those who desperately want to be a mother, but for whatever reason, are not able at this time. Love them, listen if they need to talk, don’t try to “fix” their problems, and if you don’t know what to say, just hug them and let them know you care.

For all my friends and family members who are mothers, happy Mother’s Day!

11 month update

Today marks 11 months since Justin was injured. This past month has been a busy one. We started it out still on convalescent leave in Florida. It was a great time to get away, spend time in the sunshine, and get together with family and friends. Justin’s left leg continued to heal and the swelling from his surgery started to go down. When we got back to Walter Reed, wound care checked it out and were happy with how it was looking. A week after we got back, Justin participated in a fly fishing tournament with Project Healing Waters where he and his teammate placed 3rd. Two of Justin’s buddies from the Walter Reed chapter were on the team that placed 1st. It was a fun weekend all around, and we enjoyed the beautiful weather and spending time with some awesome people. He got back and looked in the mirror and remarked that he was starting to look more like himself again. That was the first time he’s said that since he was injured. It’s amazing what relaxation, time on the water, and a little sun can do to help a person feel better. The following weekend, we went to Sharptown for Justin to try to get a turkey. The turkeys must have heard that he was coming because they all were hiding. After an unsuccessful morning of hunting, the guys went fishing and Corey reeled in some nice sized catfish. I ran some (kid free) errands with Kim. It was a nice, relaxing weekend. So thankful for our friends in Sharptown who always make us feel welcome when we come to visit.

Another big step Justin made over the past month was getting off his painkillers. With the recent surgery, we were concerned that he’d be taking a few steps backward with pain management, but in fact, it ended up helping him. The doctors switched him from the pain med that he was on to a different one. They did it in such a way that he didn’t experience the withdraw symptoms. With the new med, he took as little of it as possible while keeping the pain under control. He needed so little that he was able to completely stop taking it without any problems. Now he’s down to just nerve med once a day and a few vitamins. HUGE progress! Because of being off the pain meds, he’s feeling so much better. He’s been hitting the gym most mornings before PT and OT. It’s so great to see him feeling so much better. Our friends at the tournament who hadn’t seen him since December comment at how much better he looked, and our friends in Sharptown who saw him a few days after he was released from the hospital last month saw how much better he looked in just a short time.

This week has been busy for Justin with his therapy. He asked wound care if he could start walking sooner than the original timeframe. They agreed that his leg was looking good enough that he could as long as he was careful and didn’t overdo. His leg was re-casted since it had changed shape a bit since those two weeks he had it before. His physical therapist has been very careful to make sure he doesn’t mess up his leg. Hopefully there won’t be any more setbacks and he can just keep progressing toward the “new normal”. Please pray that his legs continue to heal and grow stronger.

 Once again, I want to say how thankful I am for the non-profit organizations and the people who work for/volunteer with them. I try to focus mostly on the positive things because there’s already so much negativity in this world, but this life we’re living now can be downright hard sometimes. Sometimes it’s a constant battle with people who try to make things more difficult for us, likely not out of spite but out of ignorance for our needs…and in some cases out of laziness and not taking the time to do their jobs. In the midst of the stress of dealing with Justin’s injuries and the frustration with other things around here, the non-profits come in and can really turn things around. It’s not just the main purpose of the various non-profits, but the relationships they build with us. Project Healing Waters is a fishing organization, but it’s so much more. It’s about the people who give of their time to come to Walter Reed or take the wounded off the complex and help them relax and encourage them. They truly care about Justin and his progress and they’ve been there for him since we first met them. Heroes Haven started out as a hunting trip which Justin enjoyed, but the biggest blessing for us is the friendships that we’ve built and knowing that getting a break from Walter Reed is just a phone call away. Sharptown truly has become our haven when we need to get away. The people there have made us part of their family, and while the hunting is something Justin enjoys, it’s so much more. The America’s Fund/Semper Fi Fund help with financial assistance for families, but they do so much more. They also care for the caregivers and treat us to dinner every month. They give us a much needed break and give us a chance to unwind and get to know each other away from the hospital complex. They also have become our friends and encourage us along this difficult journey. Operation Ward 57 realized that building 62 is a bit lacking for kitchen furnishings and filled the gap with small appliances that aren’t always necessary but do make life easier. They keep track of the soldiers’ progress and regularly share in the celebration of “Alive Days” (what they call the anniversary of the injury – the day they almost died but didn’t) which are celebrated more than birthdays around here. The Wounded Warrior Project has a mentorship program that Justin recently has joined. A Vietnam veteran came over to talk with Justin and will be helping him work through some of the confusing aspects of things here. He was in the Army and was an infantryman. Like Justin, he hunted when he was younger and still enjoys fishing. He gave Justin some really good suggestions and will be following up on our questions. I think he will be a big help since he’s been there and has two Purple Hearts to show for it. He’s also mentored several before, so he’s got a good idea on how things are now. This is just a small part of what these organizations do, and just several examples from the groups that have helped us out just in the last month. There are so many more, and they all care. They fill the gaps where the hospital complex, the military, and the government are lacking. Many have been there with us from the beginning of this journey and others have joined us along the way. They share in our successes and help us and encourage us when there are setbacks. Every wounded warrior and every caregiver has a different (though sometimes similar) story, and each has been helped differently and by different non-profits, but I think they would all stand with me in saying how thankful we are for them and the work they do to make our lives easier.

the Walter Reed crew

10 months and military kids

We’re in the double digits for months now. It’s been a crazy month with some difficult times and some really great times. On March 11, Justin went in for his big skin flap surgery. It was about 12 hours long. When he came out of it, he woke up with a migraine – likely from a combination of anesthesia, no caffeine, and no food. He spent the next couple days in ICU. His lower legs had to remain covered with a heated tent/blanket thing to promote good blood flow. This made him feel overheated and he was pretty miserable for a bit. Once he was back on the 4th floor, they were able to find him a small fan which helped so much. While he was in the hospital his parents, sister, both grandmothers, one of his cousins, his cousin’s son, and one of his brothers came up to visit. He also received a brief visit from President Obama.

 Justin’s surgeon was pleased with how Justin’s leg was doing and released him from the hospital almost 2 weeks after his surgery. The weekend after he was released, we decided to head to Sharptown, MD for a couple days. They were holding a fundraiser for the 2014 Heroes Haven event and we wanted to help out with it. I made some fudge for the cake wheel, and Corey had a blast spinning the wheel. It was fun catching up with our friends and just getting away for a little bit. I hope that the wounded warriors who participate this year are as blessed by both the event and the community as we have been.

 During the next week, all of Justin’s staples were removed. Wound care removed the ones from the right leg (donor site) and the plastic surgeon removed the ones on the left leg. A week after Justin was discharged from the hospital, his convalescent leave was approved…with a start date of the day he was discharged. Awesome how that works, huh? Regardless, we were thankful for the opportunity to get away for a bit. We packed up our bags, loaded up the truck, and headed down to Georgia for a couple days before heading to Florida.

 While we were in Georgia, we went down to the company so that Justin could see his guys. It’s always interesting watching him interact with them and hearing the stories. The new guys that don’t know him look at him with a mix of curiosity, respect and a look that seems to wonder if the stories they’ve heard about crazy Sgt. Burdette are true. Then they see him in action and realize that the stories are probably understatements…he’s likely crazier. The last time he was down there, it was during PT time and he decided to give the new guys a little competition in pull ups. After doing more than they did, he asked his guys to help him down from the bar and back into his wheelchair. This time Justin got to see his platoon’s medic for the first time since June 9th. I was thankful to finally meet him. In hearing Doc’s story, Justin realized that Doc had downplayed the full seriousness of Justin’s condition on the mountain and how close he was to bleeding out. Doc had injured three discs in his back while carrying Justin down the mountain, yet he would not let any of the other guys take his spot in carrying Justin. He may be small in stature, but he played a huge role in saving Justin’s life and I will always be thankful for him.

 We had some dinner with friends that evening which ended with an unexpected trip to Winn, but it was good to catch up with them and Corey had a blast playing with their kids. Saturday morning, we were able to go to the Easter egg hunt at our church in Georgia. We enjoyed seeing the friends who were there and Corey had fun collecting eggs and holding the baby chickens. After having lunch with one of Justin’s guys, we hit the road again and drove down to Florida to spend some time with family.

 We’ve been on the go every day since arriving, but it’s the good kind of busy where at the end of the day you’re content having enjoyed the day rather than rushing from one appointment to the next and feeling like you spent the entire day busy but accomplished nothing that needed to get done. This convalescent leave was much needed for all of us. Justin’s gotten to spend time with his family and catch up with childhood friends…and of course, do some fishing (hunting will have to wait until his leg heals a bit more). I’ve gotten to relax, and Corey’s gotten to play with his cousins and even got to take a trip to Chuck E. Cheese with Granny. This evening Justin, Corey, and I had some family pictures taken for the first time since before the deployment. I’m looking forward to seeing how they turned out. Tomorrow we’re meeting with the city guy and will be seeing what will be our new house in person. It will be having a bit of a makeover, so it’ll be fun to see the “before” for ourselves. Later this week, we’ll be celebrating Justin’s grandfather’s birthday. So glad that we’ll be in town for the occasion. Being in the military, Justin has had to miss a lot of birthdays and holidays, so it’s always nice when he doesn’t have to miss one.

 Once we return to Walter Reed, things will probably be fairly busy. Justin has a fly fishing tournament coming up that he is very excited about. He also hopefully will be back on two legs before too long. The doctors said at least 6-8 weeks post-surgery and we’re at 4 weeks now. Please pray that the right leg continues to hold up and won’t need to have the same surgery that the left leg is healing from. He’s so tired of surgeries (and so am I). Though one good thing about this last one is that they took him off of the pain medication that he was previously taking and he went through the withdraws when he was out of it and had plenty of other meds to make it a non-issue. His pain is currently under control with very little medication, so this surgery didn’t give him any setbacks on the pain management after the first couple weeks. He’s hoping to be completely off the narcotics very soon. That is a huge praise! Each time he goes back in for surgery, a setback is always a concern, but each time he’s come out in the same place or better (after a short time) than he was before. The surgeries may be a bit of a setback with the healing, but thankfully not with the pain.

 April is the month of the military child, so I’d like to bring attention to them and some of the special needs that they have that you all could keep in your prayers. Military life can be very rewarding and interesting, but it can also be difficult – especially on the kids. Of the first 6 months of Corey’s life, Justin was probably only around for half of them due to various trainings and such. From 6 months to 18 months, Justin was deployed and only say Corey for about 2 weeks. Corey has had to say good-bye to his daddy more times than I can remember and he’s only 4 years old. He’s been forced to understand things that most adults struggle with regarding Justin’s injuries. He hasn’t always responded perfectly, but I’m proud of how well he’s handled it for the most part especially considering how young he is.

 Both of my parents were also military kids. My mom’s father spent a few years in the Army. My mom was young during his Army career, and doesn’t remember much, if any, of that time. My dad’s father spent 20 years in the Air Force. They moved quite a few times during Bubba’s career. As a result, school was difficult for my dad. He would start a school year at one school and then have to transfer. The new school would be ahead of the old school and my dad would have to play catch-up. My Grams spent a lot of time helping my dad and his brothers learn the lessons they needed to get them to the right place in their books.

 In many ways, military moves are much easier with younger children. They are much more adaptable, and while there’s just no good explanation to a two year old as to why these strange men are putting all of his toys into boxes and taking them out to a big truck, it’s a lot easier than trying to tell your 17 year old that he will have to switch schools right before his senior year leaving his friends, teammates, and girlfriend behind (or so I would imagine as I’ve got 13 more years to go before Corey is that age). For Corey, leaving Georgia last summer meant missing all except the first game of his first t-ball season. For him, that one game was exciting and I don’t think he realizes how much he missed. For a teenager on a team that he/she had to try out to be on, worked hard in practices, and then had to move, that would be so much harder.

 Life isn’t all bad for military kids. Corey has experienced a lot more in 4 short years than I did in quite a few more. I had never flown on an airplane until I was 18…Corey was 6 months old. I had never seen snow until I was 10 and hadn’t seen it falling until I was 25…Corey was a newborn and saw both. Corey and I built our first snowman at the same time. I had never been to a foreign country until I was 25…Corey was born in Germany and his passport picture was taken when he was 10 days old. Corey has traveled to many places and has met many people because of where the Army has sent his daddy. He may not have an answer when people ask where he’s from, but that just means he’s loved by people all over the country and even some outside the country, and that’s pretty awesome.

 What are some specific things military kids could use prayer for? Comfort and grace when it’s time to say good-bye. Most good-byes are just good-bye for now, but they’re still difficult. Corey loves visiting family in Florida, our friends in Sharptown, and our church family and neighbors in Georgia, but he can never have them all together at once, so there’s always someone that he’s missing. For school aged children as they’re trying to fit in at new schools and for them to have help with academic struggles they may have. For the children who have daddies and mommies that have to be away due to trainings and deployments. For the kids who live at Walter Reed and similar situations at other military hospitals. They are expected to deal with so much and in many ways have to grow up faster while still needing to be kids and have fun in a less than fun environment. And a special prayer for those kids that have lost a parent during service for our country.

The Needs of Caregivers

Last night ABC aired a piece about military caregivers and Elizabeth Dole’s initiative to bring attention to the needs of caregivers. I posted a link and one of the comments made me think. Prior to becoming one, I never really considered the situation caregivers face…or really even what the wounded warriors face. I was clueless. When I left my house in Georgia on June 14th, I thought I’d only be gone a short time. I assumed that Walter Reed was just to stabilize Justin and get him to a certain point and then the Warrior Transition unit at Ft. Stewart would pick up where they left off. I knew our lives would change, but I didn’t know how much. I quickly learned that most places to not have the experience or staff to help amputees. Pretty much there’s just Walter Reed and the one in Texas which is why we’re still here nearly 10 months later.

 What is a caregiver? There are many different kinds of caregivers. Here at Walter Reed, it’s someone who is caring for an injured service member. The majority are either a spouse or a parent…most being a wife or mother. Some have a sibling or other family member or friend here to help them. Other kinds of caregivers are an adult child caring for a parent that is no longer capable of safely caring for themselves. Another is a parent caring for a special needs child. While the needs of person being cared for are often very different between wounded, aging, and special needs child, I think that all caregivers have similar needs in some areas.

 Here at Walter Reed, most caregivers are having to care for their loved one in multiple areas. Most of the wounded tend to have multiple problems that need attention. Justin is one of the lucky ones. Losing limbs may not be what most people would describe as “lucky”, but think about it. Justin had a rocket land at his feet…not just a rocket propelled grenade (RPG), but an actual rocket. He survived it. Not only did he survive, but he kept his knees which makes rehab a whole lot easier (well, it will once he’s back on two legs anyway). He also did not sustain any brain injuries which is unusual. One of his soldiers that was somewhat close to Justin when the rocket hit got a concussion, yet Justin did not. I guess something can be said for him having a hard head. Another thing Justin hasn’t really had that many others who have seen combat have had to deal with is post-traumatic stress. Prior to his injuries, I had often complained to him about how little emotion he showed. I would get so frustrated when something that would upset me didn’t seem to bother him at all…okay, I confess, I get frustrated by it still. He just goes with the flow and doesn’t let things get to him. I’m completely the opposite, so in some ways, this journey of ours has been a lot harder on me (emotionally…he’s got me beat with the physical aspect). The most emotional he’s been since all this started was when he was on quite a cocktail of pain medicine. I thought that facing his mortality had made him more sensitive, but as soon as he was off the meds, I realized that it was the drugs talking. Most of the caregivers have to deal with both physical wounds that you can see and often that you can’t like brain injuries. Many also deal with PTSD and other emotional changes their loved one has gone through. As difficult as it’s been, I’m thankful that I only have one set of problems to help him through.

 What do caregivers need? Most of us won’t reach out to ask for help. The needs of the person we’re caring for tend to make our own needs seem smaller in comparison. Sometimes we don’t even know what we need or how to put it into words to ask for it. I guess the first thing would be for prayers, prayers and more prayers. Justin needs prayers for physical healing, but our whole family is part of this struggle and some days it’s just plain hard and I have to drag myself to make it to bedtime. Some days I feel like I’m about to explode and things keep adding up until something that normally would be annoying makes me want to scream and cry and throw things. Like the other day, it was raining and we were going somewhere. I buckled Corey into his seat, then ran back to help Justin into the truck. Then spent a few minutes manhandling his wheelchair to get it into the backseat of the truck (since it can’t be in the bed when it’s raining or it’ll get soaked). By the time I finished that, I was pretty wet and then Corey confessed that he’d unbuckled his seatbelt. Corey unbuckling his seat belt never makes me happy, but when I’d already been soaked from the rain and frustrated with Justin’s chair, that was the last thing I wanted to hear and I was ready to lose it. I’m not a ticking time bomb, but sometimes my emotions do get the best of me and I feel like the Hulk (minus the green skin and huge muscles of course)…turning from a loving wife and mother to someone who wants to smash things.

 Caregivers need a break. Living in this small apartment, practically on top of each other isn’t always easy. Sometimes I need a vacation from it, but unless Justin gets leave, I’m stuck here. Probably a lot of people don’t realize that Justin and the majority of the wounded here are still active duty which keeps them under military policy regarding leave. We can’t just come and go as we please. If we go outside a certain mile radius, he has to request permission first. If he wants to be gone during the week, he’s got to take leave or get a pass. He’s also limited by the number of days of leave that he can take. If he takes leave to go on a hunting trip, it might require him to cut Christmas leave short. It’s frustrating when all three of us need to get away from here for a mental health break (or for Justin, he physically heals better away from here), but we can’t. They attempt to run this unit as if it was a normal unit, but it’s just not. Red tape is a part of our daily lives and likely always will be since once Justin’s out of the Army, we’ll be dealing with the VA. Sometimes I just want to run away from it all, but when I married Justin, our vows didn’t saw for better or for worse (unless worse requires me to put up with things that stretch me to the limit). So many marriages fall apart in situations like ours, and while it’s horrible, it’s easy to see why it happens. Dealing with this amount of high stress for months/years without seeing the end in sight and knowing that for some aspects, the only “end” is either death or divorce is difficult to say the least. No, our marriage is not on the rocks, but if you want to include the marriages of the wounded warriors in your prayers, it would be appreciated.

 For others it’s a parent who thought they were done caring for the daily needs of their son or daughter when they moved out and joined the military. Many have had to leave careers, spouses, and other children behind to come to Walter Reed to care for their adult child in a time of great need. For others it’s a sibling or friend who leave everything behind to come here. Many of the non-spouse caregivers have lost their insurance when they lost their job to come here. Yes, there is the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), but that’s only for a limited time. Places of employment can’t be expected to hold open a job for years waiting for the care giver to return. There are so many sacrifices made by caregivers.

 Another need is to please be understanding. If you send me a message and I don’t answer right away, please don’t think I’m ignoring you. If you call, and I don’t answer, it’s not because I don’t want to talk. I’m probably at an appointment with Justin when the message pops up on my phone or my phone rings. I can’t always answer right away and with the million things on my mind regarding Justin’s care and raising a very active 4 year old, it may take me a bit to remember to return the call or message. I do appreciate every message or call. Please don’t give up on me. Knowing you’re thinking about me enough to contact me means a lot.

 As the segment mentioned, the risk of depression is high among caregivers. I’m not in a constant state of depression, but I do have my ups and downs. It’s hard being surrounded 24/7 by pain. Knowing that while things will get somewhat better, there will come a point that we’ll be at the best we’re going to be and that will be our “new normal”. Many of us silently grieve for what should have been. The futures we imagined for our families are now shattered and we’re mostly in survival mode. Imagining the future can be scary with all the uncertainty. For us, the future we imagined was Justin returning from his third deployment just like he did with the first two. A homecoming ceremony and enjoying some more time at Ft. Stewart. Likely several more changes of duty station and Justin putting in his 20 years in the Army and retiring at the age of 39. We had brought up the possibility of having another child after the deployment. Right now, I have no clue where our life is headed. Justin is back and forth on whether he wants to stay in the Army is medically retire. And with the troop drawdowns, he may not have a choice in the matter. We have no idea how long we’ll be at Walter Reed. They’re just starting the medical board process and we’ve heard that can take up to a year…or longer. As for another child, I feel anxious just thinking about being pregnant or having a newborn right now. I’m juggling so much right now trying to give Corey the attention he deserves while caring for Justin and every now and then trying to squeeze in a little time for myself. The thought of adding in another little one is more than I can handle right now…and possibly ever. And that’s without even talking about pregnancy and post-partum hormones which make even the most normal situations seem worse. People sometimes tell me that I’m so strong or call me an inspiration. Most of the time, I don’t feel all that strong or inspiring. I feel worn out and run down. I feel like when I’m spending more time taking care of Justin that I’m failing Corey and when I spend more time with Corey that I’m failing Justin. I feel a little guilty taking time for myself because if Corey acts up, Justin may not be able to physically handle him since Corey likes to hide in places that Justin can’t reach.

 To echo the Jessica’s statement at the end of the ABC segment, don’t forget about us. When Justin was first injured, I was overwhelmed with the number of messages and calls I received from friends and family…and even some people who were complete strangers at the time, but I later had the opportunity to meet. Here we are nearly 10 months later and sometimes it gets pretty lonely. I’m to blame as much as anyone else. I don’t usually reach out to people not because I don’t want to but mostly because I’m so busy with Justin and Corey that I just don’t think about it. I know other people are just as busy with their families and jobs and such that it’s hard to find free time to sit around and talk on the phone or computer. Justin may be out of the woods, but our journey is nowhere near over. Often, people don’t know what to say when someone loses a loved one or they find themselves in situations like ours, so they just don’t say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. Yes, sometimes well-meaning people make some pretty ignorant comments, but for the most part, when showing you care, your words are generally much appreciated. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we find our “new normal” and set out on that road.

 Also, please keep the children of wounded warriors in your prayers. For some, life at Walter Reed is the only life they’ve ever known. They came here as babies or weren’t even born yet when their daddy was injured. For others, like Corey, they’re expected to leave behind friends and routines and understand things that adults struggle to comprehend and deal with. Sometimes they stay with relatives for a while, and other times they live on the hospital grounds in a tiny apartment. They are dragged to appointments and have to see their parent in a lot of pain when they’re in the hospital. It’s a lot for them to deal with and they don’t always express it properly. They often act out to get attention because they went from being the center of mommy’s attention to having daddy take a lot of the attention away. Sometimes they’re scared and find that emotion difficult to express as well. Many kids never knew or will never remember when life was “normal”, when their daddy had all of his limbs and didn’t need help caring for himself. That’s tough for such little ones to grasp, and they need your prayers too.

I say all that, not to complain, but to be real. I have much to be thankful for and most of the time, that’s what I try to talk about. People typically would rather hear about the happy, upbeat stuff rather than the difficult parts of other people’s lives, but sometimes we need a glimpse into the other side of things so we can better know how to respond and pray for them. Before June 9th, I was clueless. I wish I’d known someone who could have opened my eyes to how life would be post-injury. I would have been a lot better prepared for how life now is, but prepared or not, my life has changed, as have the lives of so many here at Walter Reed. Caregivers have been referred to as “Hidden Heroes”. I don’t feel like a hero. The heroes are the ones who sacrificed life and limb and have wounds that are visible and invisible in their service to our country. We’re the ones who help them put the pieces back together when they return.  We’re normal people who have stepped up to a task that is nowhere close to normal. We work mostly behind the scenes and often aren’t even noticed unless we screw up (or are perceived to have screwed up). We do it out of love and commitment, not for personal gain or recognition. Our path is not one we chose, but we don’t want pity and neither do our wounded loved ones. Prayers, love, and support are appreciated though. Thank you so much, my friends, for all you’ve done to help us over the last year.